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View Full Version : The pains of loving a horse that isn't your own...


Rabid_Raccoon
07-28-2009, 07:04 PM
I wish I had my own poneh :(

I know I am incredibly blessed to have Gizzy in my life. He is just a horse that showed up in my backyard one day over two years ago, and has been in my life ever since.

Before I met him I was working for lessons at a barn with constantly lame horses and one rocky outdoor arena, and occasionally scraping together enough money to take a more professional lesson. Before he met me, Gizzy had been sent to a professional trainer who put a bit with a long shank in his mouth, jerked him around a lot, spurred the crap out of him, and called him trained. Gizzy then sat in his pasture for two years without any handling, and when I first got on him he wouldn’t do anything except stand still, or bolt and buck… but he was a horse that I could ride for free whenever I wanted, so I jumped on the opportunity. We went through so much together, good and bad, and now I’m a better rider and horse trainer for it, and he’s going through his paces, starting to jump, enjoys his rides, and has small children on his back with no problems. He’s a great horse. I know I’m so lucky to have had an experience like this, and I cherish it.

Even though I know how lucky I am, however, the idea of saying goodbye to him haunts me. I know this relationship is temporary, but I don’t want it to be. I have never “clicked” this much with any horse. He bites, chews on everything, still has the occasional bucking problem, and has an attitude, but I love him anyway. The past two years were kind of a rocky time for me for several reasons, but no matter what happened, even when there was no one else I could go too, Gizzy has been there for me. I could cry on his shoulder or just lay bareback on his back, and he made everything seem okay.

His owner has three children all close to the age of eight, and they’re starting to take an interest in him. We’ve started hauling him to the barn where I take lessons once a week, and the three of them are starting lessons on him. Don’t get me wrong, I know that he is their horse, and I’m really happy that the kids are interested in riding. But that doesn’t keep away this little pain I get as I watch them work with him… because it reminds me of the fact that one day I will have to say goodbye to the horse I’ve been through so much with, and love so much. It's bittersweet. I love seeing kids getting to be with horses, but I know that these kids may one day "replace me" working with Giz.

I’m starting college this year. For the first year I’m staying at home, so it’s not a big deal. Next year, however, I will be moving to follow my current boyfriend to wherever college he decides to go to. I’ll be moving out of the house, and will no longer be five minutes away from Gizzy. I don’t know if that will be the time to say goodbye, but I will definitely not be able to see him as much as I can now, and it’s likely that within the next one to three years I’ll have to say goodbye for good.

I just wish that I didn’t have to say goodbye. I wish I had a horse of my own that I could take with me when I moved, so that I didn’t have to leave them behind.

This Thursday I was going to go out and ride, and Gizzy’s owner and I were going to give him a bath. She suggested we also take her kids for rides on him. Of course I am completely okay with that, and glad to help. I really am happy that they are interested in riding. However, it throws into focus the fact that Gizzy is no longer a horse for just me to ride, like he was before. It used to be like I free leased him, or worked for a lease (I keep his stall clean and sometimes feed) but now the shift has begun, and he’s stepping into his role as a family horse- his owner’s kids’ horse- and within the next couple of years I won‘t be able to work with him anymore. It’s perfect timing, really. By the time I leave, his family should be ready to take over.

I am really happy that I get the opportunity to work with other people’s horses. I know how lucky I am to get these chances But when I develop a bond with them, love them, and then have to leave… it hurts.

Sorry this is so long :P I’ll be surprised if anyone can make it through the whole thing. But it’s just something that’s been on my mind lately, and I felt the need to write it down. Thanks for listening.

WashingtonBay
07-28-2009, 07:19 PM
I understand... Doesn't make it easier.

Horseaholic
07-28-2009, 07:27 PM
:( I'm sorry. No chance you could confess your love for Gizzy and they would work out you buying him? Maybe he wont click with her kids? It's a stinky situation and I'm sorry you have to deal with it.

PS I wouldn't say goodbye..I'd say see ya later. WB got her Bay in a way I could possibly see you getting Gizzy if these kids do click with him and love him as much as you do.

PoniesRock101
07-28-2009, 07:30 PM
agreed with WB. Things are hard, I only lease stormy, I go through the same thing every year when I only have enough money to afford in the summer. I have to say good bye and hope he'll still be at his barn and not mistreated by the BO's Crazy kid...it always leaves me a little sad inside. It doesn't get easier :(

quest
07-28-2009, 07:30 PM
I understand you 100%. The first horse I fell in love with definetely wasn't perfect, but we just "clicked". Of course he was a valuable lesson horse and was used for a therapeutic riding program so they were never going to give him up. They knew how much I wanted him but he definetely wasn't for sale. Two years after i met him a series of complicated situations occured and money was needed and they sold him to me :) Now of course we brought Quest over all the way from Hawaii and he is still always happy to see me and i'm always happy to see him. So basically, don't lose hope, things happen and you never know how everything will turn out. Just be happy with everyday you have with him and enjoy it, you never know how things will turn out in the end.

Joey A
07-28-2009, 07:33 PM
I know what you mean. I've had bonds with horses that I've either had for trading, or training, that really hurt when they left. I'd actually get depressed over it, and that was actually a big factor in why I quit training horses almost entirely and started shoeing horses.

Last week I had a client that had to put down a horse that I had been owrking on for about a year. The horse had foundered, and she'd get better and worse, and last week the spark just left and you could tell that she didn't want to fight anymore. That horse really got to me, and I still don't feel right because of it.

Rabid_Raccoon
07-28-2009, 09:44 PM
Thanks guys :) The support means a lot to me, and to know that others have been in this situation and it worked out.

I don't see myself ending up owning Gizzy, at least deffinately not in the near future. First of all because his owner cares about him. She cared enough to keep him on grain and alfalfa and hay, and paid for regular farrier and vet visits, kept his stall clean, etc, when he was doing nothing but grazing on his pasture for over 2 years. She would keep him even if her kids don't click with him, but he would just go back to sitting in the pasture. Also, because I don't have the money to own a horse right now. I'm pretty sure that when I have to leave Gizzy, I'll have to leave for good... but like you guys said, you never know what the future holds.

One day I'll have my own horse and not have to worry about having to leave it behind. But until then I guess I'll just cherish the time I have left with the ones I get to be with :) Even if it means being sad when I have to say goodbye.

natisha
07-29-2009, 05:30 AM
Couldn't you go to school in the area? Are you going to go to school when you move with the BF?
Personally I wouldn't leave a horse too follow any guy. It's so much easier to get another BF than a good horse.
On the other hand you know the horse will be well cared for & you can't afford him now. You'll still be able to see him when you come home for visits.

Rabid_Raccoon
07-29-2009, 09:06 PM
I am going to go to school in the area right now, and I'll deffinately stay in school when I move in with the BF, (although I may have to transfer depending on where he goes). But we're planning on getting married and moving in together and everything, so it might be difficult to go see Giz as often since we'll be starting a life together, working and going to school. And if we're over an hour away or anything, I deffinately won't be able to see him often. And yes, I do know that he'll be well cared for, even if I can't see him as much as I'd like. :)

elevenelevenxo
07-30-2009, 05:22 AM
Vicky, you know about the TWH mare I had and rode during high school. We had a similar arrangement and a similar story. She was very insecure and lacked confidence but my working with her consistently improved that threefold. She was my best friend during high school. I can't tell you how many times I'd go out to the barn to just lay on her back while she grazed in the roundpen...and how many of my tears were absorbed in her mane! The year after I graduated I met a boy and made a lot of new and close friends, and spent less time at the barn. Before I knew it, it had been a month...then 2 months...then 3 months...since I had been out there. Because she was easier to handle, her owner had overcome her fear of riding some and worked with her more, so it worked out and I know the lady appreciated the time I had put into her horse.

I ended up not seeing Missy or riding any horses for 2 or 3 years or so...but I found my way back to her. Even bought her. Things didn't pan out health-wise for her and I just couldn't sink already tight money into a horse like that, so I was forced to make the decision that I couldn't go through with the purchase. But even that worked out...a year later I found Rebel. Yes, I went through more heartache between that time (you know some of it firsthand!!), but the point is I wouldn't change any of it.

You're like me - I have no doubt you'll have a horse of your own before too long. Wait until you've saved up a good deal of money and are relatively stable in your living situation....and you'll find the right one. And who knows - maybe it'll be Gizzy. :)

Petra
07-30-2009, 10:33 AM
I really feel for you. I would hate to be in your situation. I can imagine how much it hurts. At the same time I think it is for the best. Going through college is not easy. Even if Gizzy was your horse I wouldn't be surprised if you had to sell him eventually. This way you don't have to worry about him. You'll know he has a good home. And you will be able to visit him.
If your boyfriend is "the one" I can completely understand you wanting to go with him. I would do the same.
You are still young and going through a period of your life that is very complicated. Once you'll settle down, get married and have your life sorted out you'll be able to get a horse that will be yours only.
I wished to have a horse all my life. There was nothing I wanted more. I was 34 when it finally happened and it feels great. I get to wake up in the morning and see my horses through the window! Best feeling in the world! Just be patient. :)

Jump The Moon
07-30-2009, 12:25 PM
I'm really sorry, I understand and I suppose although it probably wont take that hurt away you have to think how you turned that horse around, how you've offered him a new lease of life, cared for him properly, he'll always thank you. And the timings spot on, when you have to leave him... there will stil be people there who want and love him, so atleast you know that he's got a safe happy future ahead of him, rather than worrying who he'll get passed along to next... and maybe who knows; you could keep in touch with them? They could send updates with pics etc. and maybe when you're done with college and settled .. maybe their kids will be onto different horses and maybe you could buy him? Free-lease him?

But I know exactly how you feel, on the occasional and extremely rare days my sis got off Billy smiling, it broke my heart. I was happy she wasn't nearly as terrified as usual (we normally had tears before she'd even trotted, this is a girl who can walk, trot, canter, jump up to 90cm so far.. confident as anything apart from around Billy) but at the same time I was praying for him to knock her confidence again so she'd not want him... I know it was selfish but I had 6 years of him being only mine, like Gizzy, I took him from 0 to hero... and the idea of sharing that didn't work for me, at all.

I know it hurts, incredibly... and that none of this will make it easier for you, but I hope you can find Gizzy again one day; or another horse/pony that you can click with too *hugs* we're here whenever you need to vent :)