A Question for Married Couples with Horses...

[Mandzanita]

If you are the only horse lover in the marriage, how do you go about paying for horse costs as far as food, boarding, shoes, vet, ect. Does his/her income help to pay for your horse(s) or do you take care of the horse costs as a seperate thing? I know some people have separate bank accounts and some share the costs of everything. I had a discussion with my BF, just hypothetical, and we were both kind of interested in other's opinions and examples of what they do in regard to the costs of each other's hobbies.

[JackieB]

I'm the only "horsey" one of the two of us, but my wife loves Buster as much as I do. So, we don't have disagreements over costs to take care of him. I do try to manage the costs and not buy everything I want for Buster and I also make sure that his costs are transparent so my wife doesn't get unwelcome surprises. We don't keep separate checking accounts.

One thing I do to show my appreciation of my wife's support of Buster and also to recognize that it is expensive to take care of him is not ask for any other things, and also not express any boredom or longing for anything else. For example, I like to fly airplanes and hang gliders as well. But we're both self-employed now and it's really not in the budget. So, I don't ask if I can do something like that even once in awhile. When I had a well-paying job it was OK to have Buster and fly a bit, but not now. So that's something to think about. A lot depends on the family income, of course.

[alittleoffkey]

Well... we're not married, but Will and I already have a joint account... and everything either of us does or buys comes out of it. I roll my eyes when he buys a new video game - he laughs at me when I find a new bit I just can't live without. We're both relatively responsible spenders, as in we know what needs to be paid for and we know what doesn't (what we don't have in responsibility we make up for doubly in savings). The horses are my "extra expense" (which, no matter how vital they are to my sanity, is actually what they are, and I recognize that) and martial arts and video games are his.

He knows the horses will always be a part of my life, and that I'm perfectly content paying for their feed before I buy my own (and I love food). I have, however, reserved the right to gripe when he wants to buy new, expensive electronic things that are no where near necessary. I'm certain in time he'll find something ridiculious that I occasionally want to spend money on to complain about as well. :p

Marriage, in my honest opinion, is a union where you share everything. There isn't any 'mine' or 'yours' (except when turns to do unpleasant chores are involved :p). :rolleyes: When I find a job, and Will doesn't have one, I'm certainly not going to tell him, "You can't go out to eat! You haven't contributed monetarily in months!" as he would never say that to me.

[Equine_Woman]

Well since my job doesn't pay much (stay at home Mom,) I rely on my husband for everything. And I have VERY expensive Hobbies. Luckily for me my husband's hobby is making me happy. (I'm not kidding, he spoils me rotten!) It's much appreciated from me but he knows how much the horses mean to me. He messes with them as well and he 'has' a horse too but they are my thing. As is the other critters, and the photography, and the scrapbooking. I do all the banking and paying of bills so I try to budge enough each week to be sure I can keep everyone fat and happy and my husband with enough to not feel strapped. Although we often are. It works for us and I can't imagine doing it any other way. My Mom and Step-Dad have separate accounts and I don't get it. Not saying anything is wrong with it, and in my Mom's case it's brilliant but for Greg and I it's not necessary. (Cause my bank account would say ZERO all the time! lol)

[PaintedLady]

I'm the one with the 'horsie interest.' Ron's income is our Bread and Butter. Mine's The Gravy. There have been times I carried him thru, and the reverse holds true, too. It's like alok said....we're in this together.

[WP~Paint]

My fiance and I already split my horses board. We have talked and when we get married we are in this together. I also agree, your one after marriage. He loves my horse too and he knows how happy he makes me. So as long as we can afford it, we'll have him!

[Mandzanita]

Thanks for all the responses so far! I love to hear other people's views. It looks like everyone, so far, is in agreement that in marriage...everything is shared. That's how I would swing, as long as it's affordable, budgeted in and appreciated. I just want to avoid any type of resentment about the extra costs.

[oursarge]

Since we've been married I never had a job outside the home taking care of the animals. My husband's salary has always supported the animals, he loves them like I do so there are no issues with paying for horses he doesn't ride.

We pay the regular bills and pay for the horses and other gang members and there isn't much left after that. He was hoping to leave the school district after this school year but with prices of everything so high we don't know if he can or not. The horses are a drain but we don't want to sell any of them.

[WashingtonBay]

Thanks for all the responses so far! I love to hear other people's views. It looks like everyone, so far, is in agreement that in marriage...everything is shared. That's how I would swing, as long as it's affordable, budgeted in and appreciated. I just want to avoid any type of resentment about the extra costs.

I think for it to work really well with a non-horse husband, which honestly, mine was and would still be if it wasn't for me, you either have to be independently wealthy, or have to find someone who is supportive of it as a lifestyle, not just a hobby. Then get him a horse, so he has an investment in it too. :D

Seriously, if he's not into horses himself he still has to buy into it and believe in it and think these animals are money well spent. If he doesn't think that, it won't work for the long haul. It's not a hobby like bowling, where you can decide not to go when times are tight and it doesn't cost you anything. Horses eat at all the time, they cost money all the time, whether you're using them or not. There is always some optional spending, but much of it is not.

If your husband is not horsey, there either has to be plenty of money, or he's got to be on board 100% with the dream, even if he doesn't participate directly in it. Any less than that and there will be some resentment. Not during the good times, but during the tight times, when you are looking at every bill and wondering how it will ever be paid.

I think my hubby knew that Bay was here for life when he first got involved with me. He knows there's no other real good option for an old horse, and he knew about the promise I made to Bay. So I know that no matter what, "if" or "why" wouldn't even be asked as questions, We'd be able to skip right to "how". THIS is our life, we just have to figure out the "how" sometimes. :)

[qh trail rider]

I know that I am one of the lucky ones. My husband and I have always pretty much shared the same interest, horses included. He has taken a few guy only fishing and hunting trips, and I have taken a few girls only trips. Anyway the reason for my posts, is to say that we have always shared a checking and savings account. There have been times in our marriage when he has made more than I have and other times when I have made more than he, but we have never had separate banking accounts.

[gaited07]

I've been the horsey person quite a few years before my husband shared my interest.
We've shared the expense, responsiblity and love of our horses, even before his geniune interest. My husband was very supportive of my horsey hobbie.
We now have two horses and we both share in the love and desire horses call for.

[lisakaye]

I decided to start shareboarding my current horse Easter a few years ago and my husband was ok with that. When she came up for sale of course I had to have her and he paid for her. he isn't a horsey person but we have 3 now and he calls himself the muscle man. He won't ride but he sees how much having them has helped the family especially William with the Autism. Ususally I pay for everything but lately with the economy beong so bad he has willingly helped me. I'd say i the beginning before he understood how important they are to me I did everything but he has changed and now we share. He even goes to groom when I can't and he knows how to saddle up and get Easter ready for Katie when she competes. I thik we have both come a long way. Just to give you an idea.. long story but I will try to sum it up. I was raised in Salt Lake City and always had horses around me . Never mine but my neighbors shared and let me ride. I came to New York as a nanny way back when and rode at various stables when I could afford it. Got married and now I am still here. He is (was) a city boy who hated anmals. He has come a long way to make me happy and for that I am very thankful. I think it is a good thing that this is a discussion before you get married.

[JetLagaside]

I'm the horsey one in our family - he has absolutly no interest in her but understands she's everything to me.
We do things a bit differently we have a joint checking which I auto deposit X amount of my pay check into towards the mortgage and all but I still have my own checking account which all of her bills come from.
We both have expensive hobbies :) so neither one has to ask the other for funds. Works for us :)

[Sparrk]

I was just going to say what JetLagaside said.

I'm the horsey one, my fiancee is a goalie - which is also very expensive.

I don't know if it was the way I was raised, but I'd be furious if I was expected to pay for his hockey. So right now we have our separate accounts, and AFTER the HOUSE bills are paid, we can each spend our own money on whatever we want. I pay for everything for the horses, barn, and fences. When we get marriage we will add a joint account, that both of us will deposit half of our paychecks into, but still continue to keep our separate accounts for whatever we please.

[lovesfortune]

I'm like Equine_Woman. I'm a stay at home mom, only work VERY part time. So my husband pays for most of everything. Luckily keeping horses at our house, etc. helps us cut major horse costs.

[livaward]

DH is the one making the money now while I am still in school. We have had a joint account since before we got married because we wanted that............I babysit when my friends need me too and since I don't have many bills that is how I pay for the extra stuff......farrier and worming stuff......DH pays for the feed and that is only 10 dollars a month. But my husband spoils me rotten.....I have to watch what I ask for or I will find he got it for me in a week or two and on a police officers salary we just can't do that.

[rocknK]

Another thought. Besides the financial part of horses, there's the time issue. Some non-riding spouses have issues with the amount of time the other spends riding, grooming, feeding, meeting with farriers & vets, etc. Best get this settled early. I just laugh when folks call it a hobby.

[grandmadeb]

I am the animal person and was raised with pets. Hubby was raised by parents who thought pets were filthy and contaminated the living space. I have had house pets in the past, but NO MORE. It is too stressful for me.
The horse was bought for our daughter and is boarded. He has little or no interest in him and I pay the bills with my pension. My daughter works 5 full days and goes to school 2full days with one evening class after work. She pays for lessons, farrier, and chips in for the supplements. That being said, when it came time to decide if colic surgery was to be performed, hubby okayed it. I think, because he knew it would have broken her heart to lose him. I was the one who had to hand walk all Feb. in the freezing cold 4 times a day.

[Cat]

The key is to get your husband hooked. :D Mine will never have the passion I have for the horses, but he does enjoy them and now has his own. This little farm is our lifestyle.

We don't have seperate accounts - we don't believe in that. We joined in this marriage because we love each other, everything about each other, and we are committed to each other. Our life - including money, hobbies, and dreams - is to be shared.

[Miracle Whip]

My husband and I fight about the horses but our relationship is not a good one.

In the past I have taken riding lessons and hubby has complained. This year I am working part time at a stable, in addition to my full time job, to pay for the riding lessons. In hindsight, perhaps I should have earned the extra money for the lessons BEFORE taking the lessons and that is what I am trying to do now. At the time, there was no opportunity to exchange work for lessons.

Husband also bugged me incessively to buy him a horse but when I did he failed to ride it, saying his back hurt or whatever. Think long and HARd before buying the better half a horse of his own. This is the major issue with us. I have to ride and train both horses even though I would rather spend the majority of my time with my mare. And the husband horse is a sweet boy and deserves more attention than he gets.

[rocknK]

MW, Sounds like you need to tell hubby to buck up. Ifn he wanted a horse he needs to take care of it. He's not some little kid who wants a pony. There is a big difference between owning a horse & being a horseman. End of rant.

[Miracle Whip]

yeah I wish...but tell him that. Like I said, ours is not a healthy relationship. I should just leave Whip in the pasture and let him send him to a trainer when he is too rowdy to ride anymore, but I can't do that to such a sweet horse. There are others however, that have "husband horses" also that don't get rode much.

I agree, a horseman he is not.

[Cat]

Yes, there are people who have husband horses that aren't getting rode much. But being pulled out for a ride once in a while and the rest of the time allowed to be just a horse and being cared for (proper nutrition, shelter, etc) all that bad for that horse? I don't think so - especially in this time when there is a surplus of horses and a lot of horses don't even have proper basic care.

[mouse]

I'm the only one interested in equines at my house, and I'm a "stay at home animal mom". My husband does like the chickens and goats but has no interest in the horse whatsoever. He has been willing to help me haul hay and stack it in the barn, and he feeds my horse in the morning on the weekends so I can sleep in. Our finances are this: One joint savings, plus each of us has a separate fun money savings account. The joint acct. drops equal amounts to our fun money accounts. Those accounts we can buy whatever we want to w/o asking the other. Mostly animal expense comes out of the joint account. Though often I do feel guilty about the animals being mine and I will buy the hay/etc. out of my own fun money account.

[Pi and Tofu]

For a marriage to work, each person needs to understand the term "share." You need to share time, affection, interest, and, yes, finances. The big problem with relationships is usually resentment; resenting not just the money, but the time spent with a horse, or spent on another hobby or interest. It has to be a give and take.

Whether you use a joint account (which we do, I have the horse interest and I earn 90% of the finances) or use a seperate account, if you both agree that each other's interests, no matter how uninteresting to the other party, are to be nurtured and financed, you have overcome a major hurdle.

That being said, be nice about your horse interest. If times are tight and you still have money in your fun account, be willing to give up that money to the greater good (paying a bill, etc) rather than going to a horse show that you have been looking forward to. It is a two-way street in the other direction as well.

[vicklynn]

I am a lucky one. When we met, I didnt have nor want horses. I knew the costs and care of them. Was not interested. Man that Bob can be pushy..lol. He ment well though. He supports my habit that he got me back into 100 percent. He does alot of work around here for the horses, rides occasionally. Cant ask for more than that. If its horse related, I take care of it, he is the helper.

[IrisGreen]

I wish my Husband took more interest in the horse. He likes him but that's about it. I am a stay at home animal Mom too. We live off Hubby's income only and he is the one that purchased the horse, house with property to have the horse for me to be happy while he is away (Military).

He is home now and wont be going overseas for a while now but he does work out of town all week. He knows how much Muffin means to me but I sure wish he would get more interested. But, I can't spark something that's just not there right now.

I figure once Muffin is finished being trained to drive the Hubby will take more interest and we can go for rides around the neighborhood. For now Muffin is just a pet in the back yard that we don't do much with (in his eyes). He doesnt see what all I do with Muffin or know how good Muffin is compared to how bad he could have been. I try to get him out there to help me work with Muffin but half the time he doesn't pay attention or take things seriously. I will be picking out Muffins back hooves and the hubby should be holding him but instead is looking the other way letting Muffin move and get away with stuff. No mater how serious I am or tell him to hold Muffin still he just doesn't get it. He thinks Muffin is just a big dog that's lazy and wouldn't hurt anyone.

He has never been around a horse that spooked or did something dangerous so when I ask him to help me he thinks I'm just wanting to drag him out there for no reason when I don't need any help with Muffin.

I get depressed around here by myself with no one to help me. Now my Husband only gets to come home one day a week so I don't want to bother him with Muffin or helping me so I just don't even ask anymore.

I am ready to hook Muffin up and have him drag stuff for his harness training I just can't do it alone. My neighbors don't have a clue so if something bad happened not only could I be laying out there for hours but the neighbors would be too scared to get me because of the horse.

So, I am at a wall with his training. I am home alone with no one to spot me while working with Muffin. It gets depressing and frustrating. Muffin is eagar to learn and loves to be worked with and I feel like I just don't do him justic and can't get the help or suport I need to get his training off the ground. I have done all I can do to get Muffin ready but the next steps in his training I need a helper around, I can't finish this training alone and it just kills me that I am stuck tell I can get help.

On a good note:
Just this week, one of my neighbors down the street has her 18 year old grand son living with her and he is willing to help me with Muffin!! :) She has horses so he knows how to be around horses and he likes dealing with them just not riding them. So, this is perfect!! People that ride horses are not so thrilled with the slow training that it takes to train a horse to drive (around here anyways). They tend to just say why are you training him to drive when you should be riding him? But, with this kid he doesn't like to ride so he is interested in helping train Muffin to drive.

So, I hope to get Muffin hooked up and pulling soon. Then I think the hubby will get more interested when Muffin is pulling his own weight around here and not just a money pit thats cute in the back yard. Hubby really likes Muffin but he just doesnt have the first clue about horses and how much I have put in to Muffin's training already. He just thinks all horses are calm and sweet and doesnt have any idea what can go wrong in a hurry or what I have done to make Muffin a nice horse to be around.

[Palogal]

We pay for everything out of the same account. The house ,my horses etc. It's really not "your money" or "his/her money" when you're married.

[dustys_girlly]

i am very lucky, my husband loves the horses. when we got together i just had dusty and he tried riding her and promptly got bucked off. even though he cant ride dusty he loves her. he knows how much she means to me. when times where had a few years back for us i said i would sell dusty if i had to too keep a roof over our head. his reply, we have a tent, we will always have a roof and i will always have dusty. end of story! that is why i love him. but now we have two horses, dusty and sterling(his horse) and i pay for hey out of my paycheck, get it from work so boss just takes it out, and he pays for just about everything else. his money is my money and my money is the horse money, you see where this is going. he complains sometimes, but he alway wants the horses fat and healthy.

[ProvenPaint]

I'm speaking of the past now but when I was married we had joint accounts & shared everything. He never got too interested in my horses but did know his money was going to them (we both had jobs - his did pay better than mine tho). I had my horses, he had his vehicles, video games, golfing, and other hobbies. Really by the time we weighed it all out my horses were as much as his hobbies so it wasn't an issue.

I will also say that I think you need more than just financial support in your hobbies. You may not enjoy all of eachother's hobbies but if you just go along to spend time with them while they're enjoying their hobby that helps allot & really shows you support them in it, IMO.

[IrisGreen]

I will also say that I think you need more than just financial support in your hobbies. You may not enjoy all of eachother's hobbies but if you just go along to spend time with them while they're enjoying their hobby that helps allot & really shows you support them in it, IMO.

I think this is our main issue between my Husband and I. He thinks "support" is letting me buy stuff for Muffin. He doesn't get the hint that what would really make me happy is him showing just a tid bit of interest or wanting to learn how to take care of Muffin.

I try to talk to him about what I did with Muffin and he will ask about how it went with Muffin. But, he doesn't retain it or learn from it because it's not his interest, it's mine. He has a ton on his plate with his job so I don't expect him to want to learn all the details when he has a bunch on his mind already. But, I would like him to take it seriously when he does do anything with Muffin.

It's to a point where it's more dangerous for me to work with Muffin when my Husband is around then with out him around. Just because Muffin knows he is a push over and Muffin goofs off knowing that he can get away with it. I am better off tieing Muffin then having my Husband hold him for me because Muffin knows I won't let him get away with anything. Muffin just acts like a big goof with my Hubby around and just wants kisses and treats from him.

I am going to have to deal with the fact that my Husband will never be a horseman but I hope he at least takes some interest and enjoys going for drives once Muffin is trained. He will ride a horse too so it's not like he won't do anything with horses. He just has very little experience and no interest to learn. I guess its that idea that: you know it so why do I have to learn it. Yet, He taught me how to change the oil in my car but he still changes it himself. lol But, I know how just in case! lol

[Miracle Whip]

Ywah, hubbies are a strange lot. Before I got married Bob told me he knew how to ride a horse. BUT, he cannot even saddle up the one we have now without supervision. Like I said, a horseman he is not. Like Iris - he will ask how the ride went but a conversation about horses is pretty hard to get off the ground! Bob will lunge one or the other horse now and then, and I suppose he CAN ride, if someone else does the tack. He can sit in the saddle and stay on, but prefers a horse that neckreins and Whip is more of a leg cue/seat cue horse - not QUITE as skilled at neck reining as Bob would like...

Bob has told me he would like to do more with Whip - lets re-visit this next summer and see where we are at. I plan on taking the horse and maybe Bob to the stable that I am working for and get them some riding lessons.... his biggest barrier is getting off the couch and away from the television...sigh.

[IrisGreen]

Ohh, I completely understand you Miracle Whip!!! That pretty much explains my Hubby too. lol He CAN ride but that's if I saddle and tack up (not on Muffin, yet). The hardest thing is the ONE day he has off all week is today (Sunday) and what plays all day on Sunday?.... Give you one guess! FOOTBALL!!!! Yep, good luck getting him off the couch to go mess with Muffin. lol

My Husband and I have a great relationship other then me wanting him to get more involved with Muffin and he just doesn't have time right now. Once he gets transfered here and is home every night I think I will have a better chance but for now there is no chance of pulling him away from the TV watching Football on his only day off. I don't even try. He earned it and can do as he pleases on his day off. lol

[vicklynn]

Im sorry you 2 have issues with your hubbys. Mines not around enough to learn how to tack up and remember it. I dont mind doing it, as I know he is not a horsemen, he just likes horses, and is willing to do the work to keep them.

[Lynn_70]

We both have our own hobbies. He does Jeepin' and I do horsin'. We try not to complain too much when the other needs to spend on the hobby. We do get more uptight about spending when times are tough but realize that our hobbies are what keep us sane so they are VERY important to both of us.
We both share expenses for the others' hobby.
Lynn

[Dixie]

My hubby likes horses and has always known about my horse lovin' crazy ways. I think that was one of the first things I told him about when we met. It's a part of me that I couldn't or wouldn't let go. It took us a while to get to where we could afford horses after I had them my whole life, but now we have 4. 2 of which he got. He has really taken a great interest this year in riding, learning to do everything from the ground up. Even got throwed off my mare yet still wants to ride. He helps me feed and do chores and upkeep when he is home too. But they are mostly my hobby and life. Since I am a SAHM his income supports them and us. I have to say I am blessed to have a tolerant husband that wants to be involved with them as well, even if they aren't his passion as they are mine.

[Buckpoco]

When my hubby proprosed, he told me he didn't intend to support a x!!## horse! I didn't care as I had a good job. Later we had our son and I quit work and had to give my horse away. Ten years later, (I think my hubby knew how much I missed having a horse) he bought me a horse and was super supportive from then on. I didn't work and he paid everything, no complaints. Then I got a good job and I paid. Next, he decided he wanted a horse and now he is hooked. You just never know!!!

[Mandzanita]

This thread has been so very helpful to both me and my BF. Thanks you so much for everyone's input and personal experience! I emailed him a link to this thread because this was a question that BOTH of us thought to make a thread of. :)

Marriage is definitely in our future and this is one of the major things that we need to start discussing NOW and not later. He knows and respects my love and passion for horses and has been more than tolerant when it comes to helping me with Biggs, not getting upset with the time I spend with him, and just loving the fact that I have a passion in life! Fortunately he too has a lifestyle-like passion of Surfing. I don't mean he just enjoys surfing, he LIVES for surfing. It might not be as expensive as having a horse but the time commitment and level is pretty equal to it. I LOVE that he has a passion and encourage him to go out and have fun when the waves are good. He does the same with me, however money is always tricky and being new to the whole thought of sharing everything I like to know what other people have done to make it work :)

[Diane of Buck's Hollow]

Well, Sunday's Man and I share our finances. His job of course is our Bread and Butter. SM bought his daughter a horse when she was young. When I said I was ready for my own horse, 1 year ago, he bought me a horse. He loves horses and when we got a place to keep horses, and not have to pay to board....He bought him a horse.

But, when it was just me with the horse..he paid for everything and was very happy to do it. He enjoyed Buck as much as I did, altough he didn't get to ride as much as I did.

When you share your finances or even if you don't, it should be a joint decision when it is something like owning a horse...It is just not "how much the horse cost" it goes far beyond that!

[Sundays Man]

I'm the one with the 'horsie interest.' Ron's income is our Bread and Butter. Mine's The Gravy. There have been times I carried him thru, and the reverse holds true, too. It's like alok said....we're in this together.

Hey Lady!!!! You've made my day. Where ya been, whatcha been doin', How ya doin'? Glad you are back. http://img2.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/jumping/jumping0048.gif (http://www.mysmiley.net/free-sad-smileys.php) http://img2.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/animated/anim_27.gif (http://www.mysmiley.net/free-unhappy-smileys.php)http://img2.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/animated/anim_60.gif (http://www.mysmiley.net/free-adult-smileys.php)

[Oreos Girl]

My husband is much like Vickylynn's he says he knows how to ride, but I have never seen him on a horse. I have owned one for 4 years now. But he is funny because when I have a big horse expense (the horse, the trailer, the new saddle) he just gets excited because then he gets to spend more money too. I figure I am lucky he isn't really paying attention to how much it cost or I would be in real trouble. But the major thing is that he wants me to be happy so he doesn't mind if I buy a 1500 saddle instead of the 600 one I was looking at.

[Sundays Man]

Well, Sunday's Man and I share our finances. His job of course is our Bread and Butter. SM bought his daughter a horse when she was young. When I said I was ready for my own horse, 1 year ago, he bought me a horse. He loves horses and when we got a place to keep horses, and not have to pay to board....He bought him a horse.

But, when it was just me with the horse..he paid for everything and was very happy to do it. He enjoyed Buck as much as I did, altough he didn't get to ride as much as I did.

When you share your finances or even if you don't, it should be a joint decision when it is something like owning a horse...It is just not "how much the horse cost" it goes far beyond that!

True Dat. However, I HAD to buy a horse so I could see my little wife sometimes. I got lonesome at the barn by myself playing with the chickens and goats and stray dogshttp://img2.mysmiley.net/imgs/smile/sad/sad0047.gif (http://www.mysmiley.net/free-winking-smileys.php)

Our 2 have been a great joy to our lives not to mention the work that goes with them that keeps me off the streets and out of trouble.:)

[luvs2ride1979]

My man and I aren't married, but we've lived together for 7 years now. We're not married because of tax reasons, and I went back to school and got better scholarships as a single mom ;). We're both horsey, but he is less into riding & training than I am. We both support each other in all of our hobbies. Since he pays for the mortgage, I pay for all feed bills and incidentals (treats, dewormers, flyspray, etc). We split vet bills and we trim their feet ourselves. I also contribute to the house bills.

My first marriage had issues due to finances, so we have TOTALLY separate bank accounts. We will share money when needed, but we keep our hands to ourselves, lol. This makes things MUCH less stressful and I HIGHLY recommend it. We know exactly which bills we're responsible for and we use our own money for "goodies", though he won't let me buy anymore saddles, LOL!!! We have 10 (with 3 riders and 2 horses), so I figure we're good for now... :cool:

With my ex, he was very jealous of the horses, even though I was very supportive of his hobbies and even bought him expensive "goodies" to show my support. I didn't even own any at the time, just exercised and trained a few, he was just jealous of the time I spent out there. Maybe he thought I was cheating on him with the Percheron? LMAO!

[WashingtonBay]

I dunno luvs. I think having separate accounts and responsibilities sounds a lot more stressful than just pooling the money and paying for life out of that.

Our way, we either have money or we don't. There is no "Well, sorry you're short on that, but that's your bill not mine".

[Mercury]

J. is just getting into horses, but he's definately into them. He's the one nagging me to go to the barn and ride! So different from previous relationships I've been in. Currently I'm paying for most of the horse stuff. Mainly because he's paying for most of the wedding :innocent:. After we get married we are combining accounts so there is no worries about who is paying for what.

[Sparrk]

I don't know WB, when one of you have a bad spending habit, sharing an account is a big problem.

If I send my fiancee with a $20 bill and ask him to get a carton of milk, he will come out of the store with $20 worth of junk - and maybe the milk.

He does not save, and must spend all his money the second he has it, I should let him know that money doesn't rot. :(

We've been short on bills before because I let him take my debit card to town and he spent WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more than he was suppose to. The "I'll pay you back whenever I have money" line isn't cool with me. If he had free access to my money, we'd be homeless.

So now he knows his monthly bills total ie. $1000.00, and he must produce this month at the end of the month. Anything (if there is anything) left over is his to spend on whatever.

For me, this is much less stressful.

[palomino]

John and I arent married, but we have a joint account and share everything. He mucked stalls the entire time I was pregnant (not that I couldnt but man, I milked it!!) and he has bucked hay, turned out and even lunged once. He loves Inka, he really loved charlie, and he is NEVER getting his own. He wants one, but I would end up with another horse to work and trim. No thanks. Now that Im getting into jumping, we both know its super spendy, so we have our finances all worked out to where I can afford my lessons and shows, and we are still putting money away to buy property in 2 years.
He is super supportive, I couldnt ask for a better partner!

[WashingtonBay]

So now he knows his monthly bills total ie. $1000.00, and he must produce this month at the end of the month. Anything (if there is anything) left over is his to spend on whatever.

For me, this is much less stressful.

I imagine it is! But marrying someone who would not be respectful and responsible with your money is I hope worth whatever his good points must be.

For me it's about trust, and being worthy of trust. My husband and I don't blow money on anything we don't talk about and agree we should have... it's a matter of looking out for each other, and our common finances. Before each big purchase we decide if we want that thing and if we can afford it. I mean, whose responsibility is a DVD or a new lamp you want? If you break a plate he bought do you owe him money?

If I had to worry about hubby spending all the mortgage money on toys or junk, I'd probably not have decided to be legally bound to such a person at all.

[Cat]

For me it's about trust, and being worthy of trust. My husband and I don't blow money on anything we don't talk about and agree we should have... it's a matter of looking out for each other, and our common finances. Before each big purchase we decide if we want that thing and if we can afford it. I mean, whose responsibility is a DVD or a new lamp you want? If you break a plate he bought do you owe him money?

If I had to worry about hubby spending all the mortgage money on toys or junk, I'd probably not have decided to be legally bound to such a person at all.

Very well put WB!

I sometimes wonder if a big reason there are so many divorces today is because the trust factor and truely sharing your life is not there. So many are mine/yours in a relationship and not OURS. I guess whatever works for them.

[luvs2ride1979]

I dunno luvs. I think having separate accounts and responsibilities sounds a lot more stressful than just pooling the money and paying for life out of that.

Our way, we either have money or we don't. There is no "Well, sorry you're short on that, but that's your bill not mine".

Separate accounts is less stressful for us because there's no, "what the heck was this for?" or "why did you spend so much on...?" We share money back and forth if we're short on bills. There is no stress there. I ask, he gives. He asks, I give. It works great for us and there's no fighting about who spent too much money on what ;).

We trust eachother just fine. I'll give him my card for things and he'll give me his. It's just easier bookkeeping for us to be separate. My daughter isn't his, so I don't expect him to pay for any of her bills. He does sometimes of course, and he calls her his daughter, but I don't obligate him to her bills.

[cyb]

I am the only horsey person in this relationship but my hubby understands that they are very important to me so he goes along with it. We share a bank account and are self employed together. He used to grumble about them once in a while but not really anymore.

[Ryderd65]

I'm horsey, my husband is not. We both work for a living. My horse expenses come out of my spending money.
My husband doesn't understand the whole horse thing, and used to throw a fit about it.
Guess he just got over it.

[vicklynn]

My husband is much like Vickylynn's he says he knows how to ride, but I have never seen him on a horse. I have owned one for 4 years now. But he is funny because when I have a big horse expense (the horse, the trailer, the new saddle) he just gets excited because then he gets to spend more money too. I figure I am lucky he isn't really paying attention to how much it cost or I would be in real trouble. But the major thing is that he wants me to be happy so he doesn't mind if I buy a 1500 saddle instead of the 600 one I was looking at.

I guess the difference is, my husband rides, just not often. He is interested in what is going on with them. Myst was a special purchase, a husband safe horse. Recently he has asked to ride each time he is home. My injury, or the wet weather has kept us from it. My spending for the horses, does not allow him to spend more..lol. They are our horses, I am the one who makes the major decisions though, he is a green horn..lol

[Miracle Whip]

Getting longer by the minute. On our honeymoon, we went to Vegas and they would give out free tickets to the shows if you attended a timeshare presentation. If you have never gone to one of these presentations, let me say they are worse than politicians. VERY pushy, they make you feel like EVERYONE has a timeshare, its a sin not to own a timeshare also...etc etc how could you say no? One guy had me in tears, I kept saying no and no...I wanted a horse more than I wanted a silly timeshare. Told the guy that. And Bob said then and there he would get me a horse. It took 5 years to buy a property outside of town. I will never forget those timeshare hawkers and how they pushed their condos. I felt so shitty. Its not worth it just to get some free tickets to the shows.

Bob DID buy me a horse. He bid on Ginger at the auction. I was too chicken shit to do it. She was green as grass and I wasn't sure she was the right horse...and I so missed my DAD that day I could not see straight let alone raise my hand to bid. Bob said my Dad told him to buy me Ginger. Who knows. She is an awesome horse and resembles Dad's old nag far more than you would have ever thought.

[miatapony]

I have a horse and he has his car so i think we are kind of even i get somethings i like and he gets what he likes for his car it works out really well. just never hide things andall should be good.

[gaited07]

just never hide things andall should be good.

This is pretty good!
I've never really hid things from my husband, just forgot a few important details like with both of my horse trailers:innocent:.
The first one was a package deal made with my horse. Was so excited about the horse, forgot to tell hubby the trailer was being delivered until it showed up in the driveway:eek:.
The second (and final trailer, according to my husband) was a "TOO GOOD OF A DEAL" thingy that I pretty much sold my old trailer over the phone and bought the new one in the same breath! My son (God, bless him!) spilled the beans on this one over dinner.
I happen to be very lucky to have a very understand and supportive huband. He really goes out of his way to keep me happy with my(our) horses (big habit). He's given me many kitchen passes to do my horse activities.
I feel blessed to have him in my life.

[gaited07]

Getting longer by the minute. On our honeymoon, we went to Vegas and they would give out free tickets to the shows if you attended a timeshare presentation. If you have never gone to one of these presentations, let me say they are worse than politicians. VERY pushy, they make you feel like EVERYONE has a timeshare, its a sin not to own a timeshare also...etc etc how could you say no? One guy had me in tears, I kept saying no and no...I wanted a horse more than I wanted a silly timeshare. Told the guy that. And Bob said then and there he would get me a horse. It took 5 years to buy a property outside of town. I will never forget those timeshare hawkers and how they pushed their condos. I felt so shitty. Its not worth it just to get some free tickets to the shows.




Aaawwww the ole "Getting something for NOTHING!"
This is a standard practice in all cities. Remember, the door swings both ways, make a choice to sit and endure the presentation or get up and LEAVE!

[twofingers]

we have a dog and five cats- I have a horse. none of her money goes toward my horse and two thirds of the time I go to the horse alone. she is not a horse person, she has tried but hey it's not gonna happen. even when I ran the ranch she would come out and clean the barn feed horses, but as far as partnering up with a horse, no way. I've gotten her to go on a couple of trail rides but it is just not her thing.

[FlitterBug]

My husband and I have 6 horses, 6 dogs, 4 cats, a 300 lb pet pig, chickens, and peking ducks. We both get up before 5 in the morning, I make his lunch and make breakfast if he has time. I admit, sometimes I go back to bed, sometimes I start going. My boarders and lessons pay for a good chunk of the horses, and he has never complained about kicking in the extra. We are in this together. He loves to ride, but usually only rides on weekends and its usually working cows. It is expensive. The square footage of our barn is over double that of our house, but we are busy enough that we rarely spend time inside the house anyway...... When I've offered to sell a horse to cut costs, he won't let me. When his mare colicked, I would have kept her on fluids and hoped for the best, he opted to shell out the money to send her to the equine hospital for a week. I also didn't complain when one of his hunting dogs needed a $1000 surgery. He admits that he is the soft one in the relationship. He also knew when he met me that I let my horse choose my boyfriends. We are both horse people, its all understood.

[mandisue]

Well hubs has ( as of right now) 4 dogs, two are for sale so he can buy his coon hunting supplies. I have one horse. His dog food is $30 a bag. 2X a month. So we even it out, we have the same account banking wise, I get his check and mine, and I pay the bills, if either of us wants something we just save up for it. it works out.

[AppyLover]

I have a horse and he has his car so i think we are kind of even i get somethings i like and he gets what he likes for his car it works out really well. just never hide things andall should be good.

Hubby and I are a lot like this. But my hubby is more about the computers. :)

[CircleR]

I live and love the horsey lifestyle. I was born and raised on a ranch, with all kinds of animals. So I always thought I would marry another who shared the same lifestyle........ WRONG!! When we were married we opened a joint account and both of our money goes into the pot. But we always consult each other on any big purchases. My hubby is ever so supported of my lifestyle. He backs the trailer up for me ready for my Sunday trail rides with the ladies, takes care of the kids, and has pancakes waiting for me when I get home. He helps me load and unload the feed, helps build the shades, weld corral panels, and genuinely shows concern and interest in my horses. He has all his cars/vehicles, his friends, and his beer :). He's happy and so am I!!

[OwnedByOurHorses]

When Chuck and I first got to together he didn't quite understand how important the horses were to me and the twins..We had our moments..Yet it was him that wanted to have something he could be involved with that included all of us. He got his first horse right after we got together, then we started looking for a home with land that we could move into after we married...Since our marriage in sept 07 we have gone from 2 horses to 5 He is out there studying everything my daughters and I do wanting so much to learn to be able to help in the training of of our yearling colt.. Whenever I take in a new horse to work he is out there making sure all is well.( after having my hip dislocated due to a kick he doesn't like me out there working alone).

Since one of my daughters has alot of medical issues working outside of the home is not possible So chuck has become the bread winner. with the only extra income coming in from the few horses I take on to work..( until our place is fully set up I only take on 1-2 at a time). there isn't much extra income. Yet Chuck is in this 100% he has taking on a joy of horses and has gone from I don't know why you spend all your free time with them to , Hey, you ready to go out and mess with the fur balls.

He doesn't question the cost yet I always explain what, when, where, and why..and he does the same.

[Buckpoco]

Luvs2ride...we also both have separate accounts and it works so well. I pay certain bills, hubby pays certain bills but I like being in control of my checkbook and he likes being in control of his. It works great for us and has for thirty one years!