Dakota Sunrise
08-27-2009, 08:38 PM
ETA: Wow, I had no idea I had written that much.:eek: Once I get going...:o I guess I needed to write it all out. It does feel good to tell someone exactly how I feel about the whole thing (even if no one reads it, lol.:p and I totally don't blame you for that. I talk wayyyy to much on the internet) Just skim through it, you'll get the idea. And if you have read all my past school threads and no all that stuff, you can skip ahead to to the spot with these-----> ~~~~~~~~~ and just read from there.;)
A couple people have been asking me about my plans for school, but I never got around to coming right out and saying what's going on.:innocent: Well, that's not completely true. A few people all ready know- PoniesRock, FatSpottedAppy, Cloedoll, and maybe a few others too. But anyway, I decided that it would be easiest to just make a thread and explain it all, so anyone who cares to know can, well, know.
Pretty much everyone here knows that I was homeschooled my whole life (not for religious reasons, just fyi) and tried public school for the first time last year... well actually it was this year because my first day of public school was January 27th I believe. So anyway, I did the second half of my sophmore year at ____ High School. (I'll just call it FHS, so I don't have to keep typing the words "high school".) You guys also know about the tough time I had settling in, how I didn't fit in with the other students, my struggle with Algebra, and my decent grades & report card at the end of the year. If you don't know all this stuff you can stop reading this thread now if you want to because it will be rather boring for you and make little sense, lol.:p
So anyway, since everyone (hopefully!:D) knows all that stuff from past threads that I made throughout the school year, I'll just get to the point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
To just come right out and say it- I'm not going back. I have officially dropped out of the public school system and am now happy (or at least relieved) to say that I am back to home schooling. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. However, I am a major disapointment to my grandparents which is one downfall to my decision (they were totally digging the public school thing. The expression on my grandma's face when I told her I wasn't going back definately made me feel guilty to say the least), and my parents were a little upset at first, but they have been awesome and very understanding about it overall. It might have been different if I just said "I don't wanna go back, it's hard" and left it at that. But I had a lot of reasons for not wanting to go back to FHS. Here's why, if you care to know:
First and foremost, my main reason for going to public school in the first place was to get a diploma from FHS, which is something I cannot receive as a home schooler. You all know my plans for joining in the Air Force, and I had discovered that I was "More likely to get struck by lightening" then to enlist with a GED. That was a major problem and not one I took lightly. My entire future is based on my Air Force enlistment. I have big plans and many goals to reach, and I want a lot out of life. I want to become Air Force Security Forces and eventually go to K9 school to work with the drug and bomb dogs. Then, after my Air Force career, I dream of moving out West to Colorado or Montana or some place out there and having a little ranch up in the mountains, getting horses again, and working with Search and Rescue dogs. So you can see why my getting into the Air Force is vital to all of this working out the way I have it planned in my demented little mind. And if going to public school was the only way that would allow me to enlist, that was what I was going to do.
I have discovered though that there are new rules regarding homeschoolers enlisting in the Air Force. They are now accepting home school diplomas and allowing bonafide homeschoolers to enlist as Tier One (the same as regular public high school graduates with a standard diploma) as long as they show the necessary transcripts, etc. So I can now go back to home schooling without it ruining my future. Which is just freaking awesome, let me tell you.
My other reasons for not going back may seem immature or pathetic, but.. well they are what they are.
When I was going to school I got up at 5:50 every morning and did not get off the bus after school until 4:30 every day. I had homework practically every single night, a constant stream of essays and reports to write, and multiple tests to study for that always managed to fall on the same day. For a person who is used to having a lot of freedom, that was a major adjustment. I had little time to do anything at all. I worked every Saturday (and was completely broke all the time because that was the only day I could work) and did homework on Sunday. My horses and other animals were not getting the attention they deserved (I mean they were well taken care of but they weren't getting ridden and played with nearly as much, etc.). My workouts suffered as well, I couldn't spend as much quality time with my family, and my mom had to pick up the slack and take over a lot of the household/barn chores I usually did during the day that I could no longer do because of school. I hated having no time to do the things that are so important to me. So that was another reason.
The last reason was the people... not the teachers, I actually got along with pretty much all my teachers. They liked me because I was quiet & polite, nondisruptive in class and respectful, did my work, made the occasional semi-intelligent response to a question, and worked my butt off on assignments to get good grades. I gave them no trouble when most of the other kids did, so they found me easy to get along with and therefor fairly likeable.
My peers however.. different story all together. To put it simply, I did not fit in. I can honestly say that I made no true friends at all at FHS. There were a few nice kids.. like the girl that took pity on me my second day there and invited me to sit at her table with her friends at lunch. I sat with them every day for the rest of the school year... but I never fit in with them and it was obvious I really didn't belong there. They all knew each other so well and had been going to school together since elementry school. There was simply no room for me. They were nice, and the one girl especially helped me out a lot. But I never heard from her once all summer so we definately didn't have a lasting friendship. We didn't have much in common anyway, except for the fact that we both cared about our grades (which was rare at my school) and loved the Twilight series.
Most of the kids just ignored me all together. I am shy in social situations, but even when I made an effort to speak it did not go overly well at all. I was actually known for being easily confuzed and a bit of a freak.:rolleyes: I was totally out of my element and had no business being there, and they knew it. I knew it too, but I let myself do a lot of wishful thinking about prom dresses and boy friends, and having a best friend like every other teenager in America has... that I have never had. But it wasn't that way. The kids that did talk to me only did so occasionally.. and I did not fit in with them.
I think what really made me realize that was the morning walks through the halls before the first period bell would ring. At my school, everyone with their friends walks laps through the school halls before the first bell. No one walks alone. No one except me. I was often alone and I hated it. But after a while I started walking with this girl from my biology class. (She was one of the few girls who talked to me, which I now realize was probably because I was very useful to her- I paid attention in class and she didn't, so she was always copying off of me because she was failing.) Each morning she would do most of the talking, telling me of the various guys who were f****** jerks to her (she went thru quite a few boyfriends, I could never keep up with all the names), the friends who were f****** p*ssing her off, the f****** teachers who were so stupid, all the weed she smoked, and how she couldn't wait to go home and go to sleep. Every morning it was the same, just a lot of gossip about other people who were all f****** jerks to her in some way or another, according to her. (by the way, all the swearing is from her, not me. That was how she talked. I mean I definately swear, but not like she did). After a while I realized I was only walking with her because I was so desperate to have someone--anyone--to talk to and walk the halls with in the morning. I would laugh at jokes I didn't think were funny and make stupid comments to make her think I was ok with what she was saying. But I knew she was not the kind of person I wanted to hang out with, nor was she some one my parents would want me socializing with. I was trying to be some one I wasn't--and some one I didn't want to be--just to fit in. And I hated that. It wasn't just with her either. It was with everybody, because 90% of the FHS's studnets are exactly like her. Potheads, on probation for drugs & alcohol and/or shoplifting, incredibily disrespectful to the teachers, and don't care about anyone or anything. I'm no saint, but I'm not interested in having friends like that.
Oh, and I'm no longer a Soccer player. I didn't fit in there either (shocker!;) :rolleyes:), and it would have been hard to stay on the team since I'm not going to that school anymore. I was a lousy soccer player anyway.
So, I am happy to report that I am back to homeschooling, and am once again just being myself- a shy, self conscious, 5 ft. tall hobbit with braces that is often mistaken for being a 14 year old (I'm 17:rolleyes:), who loves her horses and her family, and freely admits that she has never never had a boyfriend, smoked, drank without permission, snuck out of the house, or really done anything really wrong at all. My dad would kill me if I did, and I do not want to dissapoint him or my mom. And I don't want to mess up my future. I have overprotective parents and do not do any of the things normal teeenagers do, but that's ok I guess. I'm decently happy with the way my life is going right now, and I can focus on my horses and preparing for my Air Force career (lots of running, weight lifting, situps, and pushups, lol), and saving up money to buy a truck of my own.:)
This turned out to be WAY longer than I anticipated and I'm sure no one will make it even halfway through this, so you won't see my appology for such a long, boring thread.:o I'm sorry.:innocent: But it did feel good to write it all out and tell someone how I feel.:)
A couple people have been asking me about my plans for school, but I never got around to coming right out and saying what's going on.:innocent: Well, that's not completely true. A few people all ready know- PoniesRock, FatSpottedAppy, Cloedoll, and maybe a few others too. But anyway, I decided that it would be easiest to just make a thread and explain it all, so anyone who cares to know can, well, know.
Pretty much everyone here knows that I was homeschooled my whole life (not for religious reasons, just fyi) and tried public school for the first time last year... well actually it was this year because my first day of public school was January 27th I believe. So anyway, I did the second half of my sophmore year at ____ High School. (I'll just call it FHS, so I don't have to keep typing the words "high school".) You guys also know about the tough time I had settling in, how I didn't fit in with the other students, my struggle with Algebra, and my decent grades & report card at the end of the year. If you don't know all this stuff you can stop reading this thread now if you want to because it will be rather boring for you and make little sense, lol.:p
So anyway, since everyone (hopefully!:D) knows all that stuff from past threads that I made throughout the school year, I'll just get to the point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
To just come right out and say it- I'm not going back. I have officially dropped out of the public school system and am now happy (or at least relieved) to say that I am back to home schooling. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. However, I am a major disapointment to my grandparents which is one downfall to my decision (they were totally digging the public school thing. The expression on my grandma's face when I told her I wasn't going back definately made me feel guilty to say the least), and my parents were a little upset at first, but they have been awesome and very understanding about it overall. It might have been different if I just said "I don't wanna go back, it's hard" and left it at that. But I had a lot of reasons for not wanting to go back to FHS. Here's why, if you care to know:
First and foremost, my main reason for going to public school in the first place was to get a diploma from FHS, which is something I cannot receive as a home schooler. You all know my plans for joining in the Air Force, and I had discovered that I was "More likely to get struck by lightening" then to enlist with a GED. That was a major problem and not one I took lightly. My entire future is based on my Air Force enlistment. I have big plans and many goals to reach, and I want a lot out of life. I want to become Air Force Security Forces and eventually go to K9 school to work with the drug and bomb dogs. Then, after my Air Force career, I dream of moving out West to Colorado or Montana or some place out there and having a little ranch up in the mountains, getting horses again, and working with Search and Rescue dogs. So you can see why my getting into the Air Force is vital to all of this working out the way I have it planned in my demented little mind. And if going to public school was the only way that would allow me to enlist, that was what I was going to do.
I have discovered though that there are new rules regarding homeschoolers enlisting in the Air Force. They are now accepting home school diplomas and allowing bonafide homeschoolers to enlist as Tier One (the same as regular public high school graduates with a standard diploma) as long as they show the necessary transcripts, etc. So I can now go back to home schooling without it ruining my future. Which is just freaking awesome, let me tell you.
My other reasons for not going back may seem immature or pathetic, but.. well they are what they are.
When I was going to school I got up at 5:50 every morning and did not get off the bus after school until 4:30 every day. I had homework practically every single night, a constant stream of essays and reports to write, and multiple tests to study for that always managed to fall on the same day. For a person who is used to having a lot of freedom, that was a major adjustment. I had little time to do anything at all. I worked every Saturday (and was completely broke all the time because that was the only day I could work) and did homework on Sunday. My horses and other animals were not getting the attention they deserved (I mean they were well taken care of but they weren't getting ridden and played with nearly as much, etc.). My workouts suffered as well, I couldn't spend as much quality time with my family, and my mom had to pick up the slack and take over a lot of the household/barn chores I usually did during the day that I could no longer do because of school. I hated having no time to do the things that are so important to me. So that was another reason.
The last reason was the people... not the teachers, I actually got along with pretty much all my teachers. They liked me because I was quiet & polite, nondisruptive in class and respectful, did my work, made the occasional semi-intelligent response to a question, and worked my butt off on assignments to get good grades. I gave them no trouble when most of the other kids did, so they found me easy to get along with and therefor fairly likeable.
My peers however.. different story all together. To put it simply, I did not fit in. I can honestly say that I made no true friends at all at FHS. There were a few nice kids.. like the girl that took pity on me my second day there and invited me to sit at her table with her friends at lunch. I sat with them every day for the rest of the school year... but I never fit in with them and it was obvious I really didn't belong there. They all knew each other so well and had been going to school together since elementry school. There was simply no room for me. They were nice, and the one girl especially helped me out a lot. But I never heard from her once all summer so we definately didn't have a lasting friendship. We didn't have much in common anyway, except for the fact that we both cared about our grades (which was rare at my school) and loved the Twilight series.
Most of the kids just ignored me all together. I am shy in social situations, but even when I made an effort to speak it did not go overly well at all. I was actually known for being easily confuzed and a bit of a freak.:rolleyes: I was totally out of my element and had no business being there, and they knew it. I knew it too, but I let myself do a lot of wishful thinking about prom dresses and boy friends, and having a best friend like every other teenager in America has... that I have never had. But it wasn't that way. The kids that did talk to me only did so occasionally.. and I did not fit in with them.
I think what really made me realize that was the morning walks through the halls before the first period bell would ring. At my school, everyone with their friends walks laps through the school halls before the first bell. No one walks alone. No one except me. I was often alone and I hated it. But after a while I started walking with this girl from my biology class. (She was one of the few girls who talked to me, which I now realize was probably because I was very useful to her- I paid attention in class and she didn't, so she was always copying off of me because she was failing.) Each morning she would do most of the talking, telling me of the various guys who were f****** jerks to her (she went thru quite a few boyfriends, I could never keep up with all the names), the friends who were f****** p*ssing her off, the f****** teachers who were so stupid, all the weed she smoked, and how she couldn't wait to go home and go to sleep. Every morning it was the same, just a lot of gossip about other people who were all f****** jerks to her in some way or another, according to her. (by the way, all the swearing is from her, not me. That was how she talked. I mean I definately swear, but not like she did). After a while I realized I was only walking with her because I was so desperate to have someone--anyone--to talk to and walk the halls with in the morning. I would laugh at jokes I didn't think were funny and make stupid comments to make her think I was ok with what she was saying. But I knew she was not the kind of person I wanted to hang out with, nor was she some one my parents would want me socializing with. I was trying to be some one I wasn't--and some one I didn't want to be--just to fit in. And I hated that. It wasn't just with her either. It was with everybody, because 90% of the FHS's studnets are exactly like her. Potheads, on probation for drugs & alcohol and/or shoplifting, incredibily disrespectful to the teachers, and don't care about anyone or anything. I'm no saint, but I'm not interested in having friends like that.
Oh, and I'm no longer a Soccer player. I didn't fit in there either (shocker!;) :rolleyes:), and it would have been hard to stay on the team since I'm not going to that school anymore. I was a lousy soccer player anyway.
So, I am happy to report that I am back to homeschooling, and am once again just being myself- a shy, self conscious, 5 ft. tall hobbit with braces that is often mistaken for being a 14 year old (I'm 17:rolleyes:), who loves her horses and her family, and freely admits that she has never never had a boyfriend, smoked, drank without permission, snuck out of the house, or really done anything really wrong at all. My dad would kill me if I did, and I do not want to dissapoint him or my mom. And I don't want to mess up my future. I have overprotective parents and do not do any of the things normal teeenagers do, but that's ok I guess. I'm decently happy with the way my life is going right now, and I can focus on my horses and preparing for my Air Force career (lots of running, weight lifting, situps, and pushups, lol), and saving up money to buy a truck of my own.:)
This turned out to be WAY longer than I anticipated and I'm sure no one will make it even halfway through this, so you won't see my appology for such a long, boring thread.:o I'm sorry.:innocent: But it did feel good to write it all out and tell someone how I feel.:)