When does a teacher cross the line with a parent.

[miatapony]

We are only 2 weeks into the school year here and i have already gotten a phone call from one of my childrens teachers. This teacher thinks my child is LAZY and DISORGANIZED. This teacher also stated that I as the parent MUST sit there and make sure my child does the homework and then make sure it gets put in the right spots in the notebooks/folders and that i should be more active in my childs school work .
In my home I give my child a nice quiet place at the dinner table to spread out and work. They also get all the time they need to do all of the work, for example NO tvs are on at all no music no friends are over untill it is all done and both me and my husband are here to help if needed or asked. When the kids are done my husband or i go over and make sure it is done and it is neat. We then sign the agendas. Then they put it away.
So im just wondering if anyone thinks this is a little out of line ???????

[HoustonFarrier]

We are only 2 weeks into the school year here and i have already gotten a phone call from one of my childrens teachers. This teacher thinks my child is LAZY and DISORGANIZED. This teacher also stated that I as the parent MUST sit there and make sure my child does the homework and then make sure it gets put in the right spots in the notebooks/folders and that i should be more active in my childs school work .
In my home I give my child a nice quiet place at the dinner table to spread out and work. They also get all the time they need to do all of the work, for example NO tvs are on at all no music no friends are over untill it is all done and both me and my husband are here to help if needed or asked. When the kids are done my husband or i go over and make sure it is done and it is neat. We then sign the agendas. Then they put it away.
So im just wondering if anyone thinks this is a little out of line ???????



Based on what you wrote...no. I find it refresing that a teacher is giving a parent insight and advise. I'd follow it, and see how it goes.

Steve

[Suzi]

First, how old are your children?
Second, if we mirco-orginize every aspect of the childs life, they will never learn to do it themselves. If the child is old enough to be responsible to be sure he/she has their papers together, then it sounds like you are doing whats reasonable. I wonder if this teacher may be abit on the frustrated side. I am sure she sees all types of parents form the "whatever" to the "micro-managers'. and I would bet the micro-managers make her job easier.
Just expalin to her that you make reasonable efforts that your child is prepared, and if she shows up at school not, then the child will have to take the consquences.

[miatapony]

ok i did for get to add that my kids are 11 and 7 .......

[WashingtonBay]

Well, my real response is not all that helpful: Why are 7 and 11 year olds being sent home with homework?

[miatapony]

well i would like to know that also ... 6 hours of school then come home and do more school work ???? My 11 year old is in 6th grade and my 7 year old is in 2nd grade.

[gabhainn]

Well, my real response is not all that helpful: Why are 7 and 11 year olds being sent home with homework?
you are kidding right? my kids had homework from the 1st grade on.............Kevin
eta they actually have less in jr high than they did in elem. school

[oursarge]

Believe it or not because of all of this miserable testing they have to do in certain grades even kindergarten kids get homework. My man left teaching last year because he couldn't take it anymore, his stress level was so high. His kids always tested fine but last yr he had more of the faster learners, his teaching partner had more of the of the slower learners, her test scores in reading were not the best and she is already in trouble, they took reading away from her and got spoken to about it. They only look at the scores not that you might have a kid in your class that is reading on a 2nd grade level in 5th grade so of course the scores won't be as high. No child left behind you know, so alot of teachers are terrified and give alot of homework thinking it'll make the kids learn better. My man was at the point he didn't care so much about getting in trouble because he was leaving, he never gave alot of homework and didn't give it for testing reasons either, if he gave it it was something they could do in school like study hall or something. Some of them are giving 3 hrs a night in one class! Parents complain but it doesn't change. He keeps saying if they'd just let him teach and not put so much pressure on them about test scores he would still be teaching, he loves to teach, he loves the kids but that pressure to have to be on top all the time just got to him.

[HoustonFarrier]

Oh, it's even worse here. The HISD is talking about making the minimum grade a pupil can receive is a 50.....even if the only thing he got right on the test was his name, the lowest score he/she can get is a 50. The rationale they are giving is, it's EASIER for the student to make it up in a later test. Bottom line...we will be graduating DUMBER students.

Steve

[Suzi]

I can see both sides of the testing debate. On one hand there has to be some sort of accountablity. For a few decades now, we have been hearing about how our kids are graduating with poor basic skills. But then we see our schools being driven by the tests themselves and arts and music are secondary. Its one of those no easy answer situtations.

[Petra]

i personaly wish they would give my son more homework. homework is important.
however i'm little puzzled about the teachers complaint. you seem to do your part. i think as long as the homework gets done and is signed by you there is no reason for complaing. some people are organized some are not.
i would have a problem with my son if he got his stuff so messy that he couldn't find his homework. but i admit he is far from organized. he also have straight As and always gets his stuff done. i sure wouldn't microrganize his life. i don't even do as much as you do. i usually just ask at the end of the day if he is done with his school work. i think kids need to learn to be independent. sure the paren't needs to be there if the kid needs help, but sometimes they just need to figure stuff out for themselves and learn from their mistakes.

[JennyandJosey]

My daughters are 7 and 11 also. The 11 year old is going into 6th grade and has had plenty of homework from 1st grade on. It gets to be more each year. I'm sure the the just turned 7 year old going into 1st grade will have homework this year.

Personally, I don't think the teacher is too out of line. I've had to really keep up my older daughter to learn responsibility with her schoolwork. She may sit at home and get it done and I know it's done. But she's had issues losing homework or forgetting to bring it home or to the correct classroom. She had a teacher last year that was pretty strict on that. I wouldn't have wanted her for her regular teacher, but she really impressed responsibility on the kids and Noel needed that. She did not want to get pink slips for missing homework just because she couldn't fnd it.

If they were older I'd say they need to learn that on their own, but at those young ages we need to help them learn responsibility and organization.

[Ranger44]

Why is the teacher making an effort to reach out to you the parent if nothing is wrong? What is making the teacher call you? If your child is getting everything done and on time something else must be going on. Sorry the investigator in me is just looking for more information. I hope you can get it resolved.

My wife and son are teachers and I know neither of them likes to call a parent so it makes me think the teacher must think it is important.

[Jump The Moon]

Well, my real response is not all that helpful: Why are 7 and 11 year olds being sent home with homework?

Here in the UK I had 'reading and spelling' homework from the age of 7.
I'm now 15 (in 11 days, yay!:p) and I recieve 18 pieces of homework per week each that should take me 40mins. I personally have always thought this is way too much.:huh: But, my school is one of the top in the country (it's a state school too, so free for anyone in the catchment area) and they push us hard. They recieve 100% A*-C results every year (in the last er, 20 or something?) and do not ever settle for less than your very, very best. If you don't work, if you drop concentration in a lesson, your pretty much doomed. (I've had a little trouble with that in Chemistry last year, I got a *high level* B in my GCSE - which we are taking 2 years early - and I was expected to get an A. Teachers were not impressed, but I often struggle to keep up). So really, them recieving homework seems completely normal to me - but I have no idea what it's like where you are.

I know full well if I had the option, I'd be taking my GCSE's at the ''normal'' time in Year11 working at a slightly slower pace and actually understanding my work rather than just getting it done. I think I would do alot better in school that way (I am getting As mostly, but stil - I never feel comfortable going into my exams or lessons; but I do have alot of trouble with my self esteem at school - I'm not unpopular, or particularly shy, I just have very little confidence in myself when I am away from horses :p Sounds silly, but it's true :huh: When I had to give a presentation infront of my class of 20, I was in tears with nerves all lunch before. I just struggle with self confidence I guess.:cry:)

Sorry to hyjack your post abit, I just felt like I needed to vent like that. I feel bad because my parents have worked so hard to afford this area (which is ridiculously priced because of the school being local) and I feel like I have to do amazing because if I messed up it'd be like throwing it all back in their faces.

I guess the very organising parents that do as your teacher asked makes her job alot easier; but maybe it isn't so great for the kids if they don't gain any responsibility skills. I think I was pretty responsible even at 7. I was allowed my own rabbit at 6 and I took complete care of it, and when I was 12 (after feeding and walking a cuddly toy dog for a year and making a huge project about dogs) I was allowed to use my savings to buy my dog, Rolo :):) We were always helped when needed, but encouraged to be responsible for our actions / posessions / pets etc. right from the early days, which I think has helped us all :)

[oursarge]

I can see both sides of the testing debate. On one hand there has to be some sort of accountablity. For a few decades now, we have been hearing about how our kids are graduating with poor basic skills. But then we see our schools being driven by the tests themselves and arts and music are secondary. Its one of those no easy answer situtations.

No there aren't any easy answers it is a no win situation. The problem comes in when a kid has a real disability, our nephew had one and they did all the things they were supposed to do but at 23 yrs old he still can't read better than maybe a 5th grader. There are alot of kids like him, they just can't do it, it's nobody's fault it's a brain thing. He can't pass the GED even though he has an IEP and they have to make special considerations for him. If they held him back constantly he'd still be in 5th grade at 23. He did quit when he could. He was in regular classes with help but when he'd get an F and kids around him got A's it made him feel worthless. He was a depressed kid. He ended up getting into some trouble, a judge sending him to some sort of special school, that led to going to Montana and now he is building log cabins and can name his price. Give him a bulldozer [He could run one when he was about 10, he was driving the farm trucks when he could reach the gas and brake.] or something to build and he's a whiz but school work he just didn't get and felt there was no place for him in school. I don't know if having the special classes were better when all the kids were on the same level or having them in with the kids that get good grades and having them feel bad. There aren't any anwers that work for everyone.

They always had testing but now it's teach for the testing, they can't even have fun, they wanted to take recess away from the 5th graders so they'd have more time to study and my husband fought for recess saying they need to get out and play and not have so much pressure put on them.

Nobody wants to see kids quitting or graduating even though they have lousy grades and reading skills but we can see with our nephew that no matter what kind of help he got including tutoring with my husband the kid just didn't get it because of a disability.

[vicklynn]

Well, my real response is not all that helpful: Why are 7 and 11 year olds being sent home with homework?
WB, been like that for yrs now. Kids dont get a break any more, they go to school and bring it home. Little spare time for them any more.


To the OP.
I think what your doing is fine. So many parents dont even do that.
My niece used to come home, sit down to the table, do her home work, with or without help, depending, then her mom or dad would check it, she would put it away, and that was the end of it. I lived with them for a couple months and thought the schedule went well.

At 7 and 11, organized? I kind of have a problem with that. I think the teacher may be over reacting there a little bit. Unless she is a drill sgt.

[miatapony]

well i can see from eveyones point .. i dont know what happens at school i know the work gets done at the house. now if it gets lost because the schools dont want to give our kids a little time to get from class to class then hey .. but my child tries her best. Testing my child is a waste of time one on one they say because she blows you away .. put her in a class of 38 yes 38 with one teacher and no aid at all ... she gets shy and lost. This school dont let the kids go to the lockers between classes to get anything out so they have to carry it with them 3 classes in the morning and 3 in the afternoon plus PE ... the only time is before school and after school... wow i guess but i dont know what to do about if the work gets misplaced while she is at school..

[shewasmyshadow]

Sounds like this teacher either sees a real problem or she's just one of those folks that sees problems where there is none.

I was homeschooled because of all the busy work they gave me in private school. I loved home-schooling, only spent on average 4-5hrs a day studying and came out with flying colors. No homework. No confusion. No fitting into a mold built for someone else's learning style. I have better reading, writing and speaking skills then majority of my friends and family. I intend to do the same for my kids. I will supplement my own teaching for a private school class here and there, but my child will learn his style, his own speed and in a method that works for him.

[Remali]

I don't know...... ONLY two weeks and already this teacher has judged your child to be "lazy and disorganized"?! I would be really PO'd!! For the teacher to come to this conclusion so early on is unprofessional and just plain stupid of the teacher, in my opinion..... I mean, for all the teacher knows there could be some other issues going on that she does not know about, two weeks is not enough time..... The teacher needs to be wacked with the fish! At 7 years and 11 years what the heck does this teacher expect..... they are just kids.... these days teachers pile on WAAAAY too much homework way too early. Most schools are a joke these days. Anyway.... just my opinion......
:whack:

[carla]

My kid just started first grade and has homework.. but also had it in kindergarten. :shrug:

I have to agree that it wouldn't hurt to take the teacher's advice on "holding" your child's hand for a bit as far as organization goes. But I don't understand the "lazy" part if you say the work is getting done.. ??

And did s/he really use the words that you said? :confused:

[cheval]

We are only 2 weeks into the school year here and i have already gotten a phone call from one of my childrens teachers. This teacher thinks my child is LAZY and DISORGANIZED. This teacher also stated that I as the parent MUST sit there and make sure my child does the homework and then make sure it gets put in the right spots in the notebooks/folders and that i should be more active in my childs school work .
In my home I give my child a nice quiet place at the dinner table to spread out and work. They also get all the time they need to do all of the work, for example NO tvs are on at all no music no friends are over untill it is all done and both me and my husband are here to help if needed or asked. When the kids are done my husband or i go over and make sure it is done and it is neat. We then sign the agendas. Then they put it away.
So im just wondering if anyone thinks this is a little out of line ???????



I don't think so. I got a call from my niece's teacher last school year about the same thing. That she wasn't getting lazy about getting her homework done and putting the notes and assignments in the notebook that she was to turn in each week. I was actually grateful the teacher called me so that I was aware of what was going on before the F's started rolling in and nothing could be done. I worked with my niece on getting it done correctly and it solved the problem.

[cheval]

Well, my real response is not all that helpful: Why are 7 and 11 year olds being sent home with homework?

Really? I had homework at that age!!

[GrungeEquestrian]

Sorry I didn't read the other responses but I am a bit confused about the teacher's complaint since you are doing what he/she is suggesting. I wouldn't be too upset that they are advising this. The younger kids get good work skills the more it helps them when they get real homework, which your kids already seem to have so I really don't know. At least the teacher is at least paying attention to things, but its odd that he/she would call you since you do that. Maybe she has your child mixed up with another student, that has happened to my sibling before.

Well, my real response is not all that helpful: Why are 7 and 11 year olds being sent home with homework?

I know I've had homework since first grade, 30 minutes tops, and maybe 15 minutes in kindergarten. Then in 5-8th grade about 2 hours and now in a college prep high school...o geez it can be downright ridiculous. For example, you would think because it is labor day weekend we would have less homework...but in reality actually more. I half of it done and that alone took me two hours to do...plus that was the easy stuff.

[Remali]

I think the teacher could have possibly used a better word than "lazy"..... perhaps the teacher should go back to school and do a little homework herself.....

[lisakaye]

I have the same problem with my kids. Your kids are still young. I would do what you can to help them with their homework but no matter what you do even if you sit there and stare at them all night.. If they don't want to do it you won't be able to make them unless you do it for them. Sign their agendas with a note to the teacher stating that they refused to do the homework assigned. I think that some schools send home way too much homework. I recently set up a 504 plan for my 14 year old which states that the teachers are mandated to pretest him for knowledge of the subject prior to giving the homework so that he isn't doing stuff that he already knows. This has helped a lot. His homwework attitude has changed and he doesn't fight it. Sounds to me like your kids may be bored. They may have the attitude like my son. He feels that if he knows it then why waste his time. Tyler's grades have gone up and his whole outlook has changed for the better. Talk to the teacher and suggest this approach. If he/she won't do it then request a 504 meeting with the teachers to set up something similar. If you need to know more about 504 plans p m me and i can help you. Good luck and don't give up.

[TheRedHayflinger]

when I was 9(about 19 years ago..lol) and in the 4th grade...we had minimum 3 hours of homework a night. I still liked school at that point, but that teacher ruined it for me....the next year it was a battle to get me to school. I was pulling 99s and 100s on my report cards...and in our elementary school, if you did extra you could get above 100 on your report cards...and i had some of those too. The teacher told my parents I was not doing well enough, I didn't speak well in front of the class (she'd force me to, I was shy...it made it worse to the point I was having panic attacks) and that she felt I could do better.
Gads..I still remember that..LOL. The teacher was pretty much better suited as a high school teacher, and later she did become one...I had her then, and she was a great teacher and I adored her for the one class I had her in. She just wasn't cut out to be a 4th grade teacher.
My parents tried to have me moved to the other 4th grade teacher, but she wasn't much better--complete opposite, pretty much let students do whatever they wanted, didn't help them, etc. After a few days in her classroom, my parents let me decide what teacher I wanted to stick with and I decided to stick it out with the original one. It was a hard year, but I survived and didn't have to deal with her anymore...but she really killed the liking school thing for me.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

This teacher thinks my child is LAZY and DISORGANIZED. This teacher also stated that I as the parent MUST sit there and make sure my child does the homework and then make sure it gets put in the right spots in the notebooks/folders and that i should be more active in my childs school work .

If this is what the teacher said to you, I guess I would have a problem with that too. She is negative and blaming. Teachers are supposed to be problem solvers and team players, not blame layers. If you told her what you told us on how you have your kids do homework, she shouldn't gripe.

I don't believe in parent guided homework, puts all the responsibility on the parent for their child's homework and that doesn't teach the child a thing about being responsible for themselves. Have them show you their notebooks after they have put it in them so you can make sure it will make it back to school as well as help them learn organizing skills.

If it's the 7yr old, the teacher is way out of line. If it's the 11yr old, the teacher needs to bone up on her interpersonal skills. :2cents:

[cheval]

Keep in mind what the kid may have said to the teacher if they were asked about how homework is handled. Kids aren't always up front about things. I wouldn't be too quick to blame the teacher without knowing if there was a conversation with the kid.

Some teachers are very up front. I think they have to be with a lot of parents these days. The good parents get caught in that wake of being that up front, even if it doesn't apply to them because they are very engaged with their kids.

[grandmadeb]

Where is the problem? Is your child not bringing it home, not doing it, or not getting it back?

Not bringing it home? You can take him back to get it and NOT be happy about it and have him clean the bathroom as punishment- you took the bathroom cleaning time to take him back to get the homework.

Not doing it? I always told parents to let me help handle that one- no homework, no recess. Chronic non doers were required to stay after school for half an hour to do it. Again, since a parent had to take time to pick them up, a nasty home chore is given. Usually took less that half an hour at school to complete and they wised up, usually within a week, and decided to do it at home. Bonus, no nasty chore!! If the teacher won't work with you on this and you can't go back to school to get it, enforce several nasty chores as an alternate to homework.

Not returning it? Make him staple the dang thing to the day's page in the agenda.

Middle school kids are a bit different as they have multiple teachers and getting organized at the end of a day at their locker is tough. I took my own kids back several time to get stuff they forgot but after a few times of doing the work and then the nasty chore they got the message.

These are things that worked for me and in my classroom-3rd grade. Now, I don't think that in 33 years I told a parent their kid was lazy, unmotivated, yes, but lazy no! The solution rests in working with the school, so maybe you could talk with the teacher to figure out a course of action to help the child.

The district I worked in had a homework hotline and every teacher at the end of the day had to leave a message stating what the homework was for that day. They also provided the agenda book. They were great at taking away kids' excuses!

[Palogal]

It sounds like she's a new teacher. They tend to be pretty uptight.

[42many]

I'm with Ranger - I'd be looking for more exact details. Sounds like the kid brings it home, does it, and puts it in the folder correctly to take back. That's exactly what the teacher is asking for, right? So, obviously somewhere in the line something is going wrong that you don't know about - else why would the teacher take the time to call and point out a problem that isn't there? It's not like "most" teachers have a ton of spare time and want to spend it calling every kids parent about nothing... (I say "most" because of course there are wackos in any profession!).

So, I would want to know exactly where things are going wrong. Are you not getting all the work from school to home? Make a check list and insist that the kid have each teacher sign off each day on what work is to be done. We know they are doing the work - you've already said it is done and done in a timely manner and correctly. So is the work not making it back to school? Staple it to the page (as someone said above) or check off on a sheet done and in correct place - if the teacher doesn't receive it as she is supposed to, you'll know that the kid is actually taking it out of the right place and you can have a "stern talking to" with chores/etc assigned.

I'd be unhappy with the choice of words "lazy" and assume the teacher needs a frank discussion about what is appropriate in discussing children with parents. Otherwise, I'd be happy that she called - after all, you obviously didn't know there was a problem so now you can look into it!

[Horserider]

Well, my real response is not all that helpful: Why are 7 and 11 year olds being sent home with homework?

Let's see...11 I was in sixth grade and 7 I was in...second.

Now I don't even know why first and second graders would be sent home with homework, but I could see that with fifth and sixth graders. But by then they should be pretty organized themselves and teachers shouldn't expect parents to sit there and make sure they're kids do it and then put it away "in the correct spot." Look it over to make sure that they did it maybe, but not just sit there and watch their every move. Who has time for that nowadays?

The HISD is talking about making the minimum grade a pupil can receive is a 50.

What is that going to help exactly?

[palomino]

My son is a 5th grader, and I do the same as you- he sits and does it, I check it and make sure he gets it in his back pack to take back to school and sign his homework sheet. I do make him do things over alot (he is extremely sloppy with his work) but Im hoping if he has to do it over enough, he will start realizing a little more time the first time will save him a ton of time later LOL.
I wouldnt worry about it too much, but maybe check the work a little closer, and ask the teacher exactly what the problem is without calling your kiddo names....thats out of line fo sho.

[Tens Legacy]

Could you ask the teacher to get a few examples of this childs work together and go in and speak with her? That way you can get a better idea of what is going on. Like the teacher has a something valid or maybe she (the teacher) is causing problems.

[Palogal]

I'm on the other side of the desk on this one...I'm the teacher that calls the parents. Unfortunately they don't teach you how to call parents in college, they really should. Any phone call a teacher makes to a parent needs to be specific...."<your child> did not do this" or " I am missing this assignment" or "In class today <your child> did this" to inform the parent. We keep records of those phone calls btw so we have a leg to stand on if a problem comes up.

It's not the teachers job to label or accuse, like this teacher did. As my mentor told me my first year teaching " you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" That's why I don't call parents if I'm angry, I wait for a day and then call.

This teacher isn't out of line for trying to nip the problem before it becomes an issue. If she wants things arranged in the notebook and folders a certain way, she needs to put it in writing and give it to you.

I would have said...

"Hello Mrs.... I'm Mrs.... and I have <kids name> in my class this year. I'm noticing a problem with his organizational habits and want to address it before it becomes an issue <pause for parents to respond>... Your son has a paper that describes how the notebook and folder is to be set up, can I email one to you? <parent responds> Ok then, let me know if there's anything else I can do. Thank you for your time."

and I usually get a pretty good response. Note lack of using the word "you". Using the word you in a potential confrontation is usually not well received. I only use the word you in a question when talking to a parent.

Just my two cents.

[Fjords <3]

Yeah, we had homework for as long as I can remember. I would just email the teacher back and say that you do make sure your child does his/her homework every night and you'll make sure they put it away correctly. The lazy and disorganized thing is a little much. I wasn't super organized when I was that age, I'm still not super organized! That's just my opinion.

[Country Girl 43]

Organized at 7 & 11.... yeah right!!! You saw my house... LOL Although I try to find time to clean, work always gets in the way. Same goes for my kids.... their rooms are usually a disaster, BUT their homework gets done and then their sports practices.

I'm not a big fan of todays teachers. Right now my son is getting good grades on all his work and homework, but he is failing all his tests in almost all the classes. I see a pattern here but... I haven't heard from one of his teachers. :huh:

[Remali]

Very well said Palogal! And that is so true, you really do catch more flies with honey....