Need prayers for Father-in-law

[farmers_wife]

My Father-in-law is 86yrs old and is not doing too well. He has heart failure and is going down hill fast. He is the sweetest person and is always smiling. We were trying to keep him at the farm as long as possible but it looks like we have to put him into a nursing home. The family just cant do it and My husbands mom can hardly get around herself.
I must tell you how sad it is too see him like this. The men have been taking care of lifting him to the wheelchair and bed. Well last night he kind of wet himself a little and we had to change him. Then he had to go to the bathroom and we made it just in time. There were 5 of us there and he needed to be wiped. None of his family wanted to do it so I said that I would do it and wiped my father-in-laws bottom. He also had a bed sore and I put medicine on that. It was not a pretty site but I felt sorry because he has been sore down there for not wiping good. (I guess daycare came in handy)
That is why he needs to go into a nursing home.
So all the prayers you send would be great. I dont think he will last long but he is a good man who loves farming.

[vicklynn]

Im sorry you and the family are dealing with this decision. I know its hard.
Prayers sent.

[Ranger44]

Thoughts and prayer to you and your family Faith. This is the part of life that no one wants to deal with but most of us have to eventually. It is so difficult to see what was always a strong man fail in health. Good luck to all involved.

[Vacker Hast]

My Prayers are up for your Father-in-Law and your entire family and friends that know and love him. It's best to let the professionals take on his care at this point, they are set up for his care and aren't so close to him as a family member would be so it takes out that heartbreaking personal emotions. I'm not saying the caregivers don't care but they are trained and deal with everyday needs that most of us aren't with a loved one so don't feel bad about this decision.

Bless his heart and the land has his love and sweat in it as he farmed it for years and it's soil for years to come as a great farmer.

Warmly, Stacy

[grandmadeb]

It is so difficult when a parent of age starts to fail and needs constant attention. It is exhausting and diffucult to do while preserving the dignity of the person who needs the care. My sisters in law cared for their mom when she was stricken with cancer and it took an awful toll on them. They were there 24/7 until the end. They would take turns cleaning her up and come out crying and emotionally drained. They wanted to do it because that is what she wanted, to die at home, and they loved her. I told them it was not an awful thing to get some help . They would still be there to keep watch, but they would also get some rest when needed. Hospice was also wonderful as they would come out and make sure that she was pain free and relatively comfortable.

[Gypsy Rose]

Sending good thoughts!

[gaited07]

FW,
My best wishes and thoughts are with you and your family on this. What a difficult and decision to make but you have to be realistic and fair and it sounds like you are.

God Bless and best of luck;)

[natisha]

Maybe you could check out services available in your area. There are agencies that offer home health aids, sitters, that kind of thing. They can offer 24/7 help with personal cares, meals, light housekeeping. There are also assistive devices such as bedside commodes, lifts etc.
Many times this will cost much less than a NH, also a NH/ Gov. will require all his assets be used up (land, home) before they kick in.
Check out what his insurance will pay if anything for hired help. Maybe family could all pitch in to pay for in-home help. Then the family could be together.
Try calling Home Health agencies & see what they have to say, compare prices to NH costs, you may be surprised. His Doctor can be a big help in this area too.
I wish you well.

[Gliderider]

I am sorry. I know how hard it is to see a loved one have to be put in a nursing home. My grandma is in one and its sad to go see her. Most the time she doesn't know who you are but every once in awhile a light comes on and she knows you. Those minutes, seconds are what you hope for every time you visit. The last time I was helping her cut up her ham they gave her for dinner. I asked her if it was good and she responded out of the blue by saying yes Rhonda it is have a bite. Which most times she doesn't know my name and didn't just seconds before. Then she went on to say I want to go home I want to fix you and the kids a big dinner like I use to. It made me sad and happy at the same time. I don't get to see her often I live 3 1/2 hours away. Next time I get to see her is Thanksgiving it can't get here fast enough.

I will be praying for your father in-law, you and your family to get through this hard time.

[JackieB]

Prayers for your entire family.

[miatapony]

OMG FW i wish him all the happiness in the world.. and you and your family too..

[shewasmyshadow]

Oh, Faith I am so sorry. What an act of utter selflessness that you stepped forward and offered to clean him. That is exactly what I would have expected from my dear friend. I hope that you guys find a solution. I will be praying for you.

I also pray that this man knows Jesus in a personal way and that he is headed to an eternity in heaven. If he doesn't I hope that someone will share him. Death is a terrifying prospect and only someone who has settled their eternity in Christ can step boldly into it.

[lovesfortune]

Sending prayers for everyone.

[lisakaye]

I would have said exactly what Natisha said. I would only offer that if his condition is worsening you may want to look into Hospice. It is a wonderful program and he can be cared for at home. It is usually much cheaper to hire a caregiver for home than to admit to a NH. The only thing is that if you pay privately it is cheaper but Medicare will not reimburse nor will Medicaid. I do this for a living...It is a lot to think about and I know that whatever your family decides will be the best option. I hope it all works out for you.

[Remali]

I'm so sorry about your father-in-law Faith. I agree about checking into home health care.

My Dad had congestive heart failure, he was eventually 100% bedridden, even with the nurses stopping in daily from home health hospice care, it was very hard, but my Dad wanted to stay at home and pass away at home. So home health brought in a hospital bed for him and we set it up in the livingroom so he could look outside and see his beloved lawn and the deer and other wildlife out there. I think getting home health care for your FIL is the way to go. They can also stay there with him and relieve you for a few hours, or whoever is caring for him.

[farmers_wife]

Update on FIL. I stayed with him today and I took him to the dr because his eyes were matting. He has an infection in them. we have decided to put him in the nursing home. It is just too hard for my MIL with him there and the house is very small and we can barly get a wheelchair around. He has his moments and cant seem to get comfortable. I did have the dr give me some pain meds for him. We have been trying to get him into a nursing home but the social worker has to get involved but she has 10 days to come out and see him. She is coming on Tues. I takes 2 people to take care of him because he can no longer walk. It is very hard and draining for the family. I have a call into his dr to call me to see how we can get him into the nursing home faster.
Thank you all for your prayers and yes there is a place in heaven for him. He so believes in the lord.

[Remali]

You're an angel for helping your father-in-law. It's a tough decision but a good decision, it is almost impossible to take care of someone at home. I tried it, and I got so rundown and sick. I hope the nursing home is close by so it's easy for you and family to go visit with him.

[Toodlestoo]

Aw Faith, I am sorry to hear that your family is going through this. I was the one that often had to step forward to take my MIL to the bathroom and clean her when she was bedridden with cancer. Her kids were there too but it just gave them a break. You're an angel for stepping in. My father, MIL and FIL all wanted to die at home and they did with dignity. Hospice was a Godsend. They can offer you great help at this time and also relieve his pain. My prayers and thoughts are with you all.

[Remali]

How is your FIL doing tonite?

[farmers_wife]

Another update. I could not stand around and see him like this so I called the Dr and I called the ER for questions. The dr called the nursing home and then later today I stopped at the nursing home and my prayers were answered. The nursing home said if I took him to the ER, and he is as bad as I said he is, there is no way they would send him home and he can go into the nursing home from there. So I talked it over to the family and they decided that we should take him. I was at the ER (5 of us) for 5hrs and they kept him. They said it was a blessing that I brought him in and the system sucks. The nurse was real sorry that the family had to go thru all that trouble to get him into the nursing home. We called the ER and told them we were bringing him in because of shortness of breath.
Come to find out he had fluid around the heart and said it was better that he was there first instead of the nursing home first.
So I am proud of myself for not giving up on him and waiting till tuesday. He is getting the help he needs and we can all get some sleep. When we left him he said he was feeling real good.
Sorry so long.

[lovesfortune]

That's good FW. So tonight he is in the nursing home then or are they keeping him in the hospital because of the fluid?

Still sending prayers.

[JennyandJosey]

I'm sorry about your FIL. I hope he's comfortable tonight. You are a blessing to the family indeed!

[Toodlestoo]

Faith, you followed your gut! Good for you. Now, he's getting the help and care he needs. Hope you had a good night's rest and he continues to improve.

[farmers_wife]

Thanks all. I slept good last night knowing he was getting the help he needs. He is still in the hospital and from there he will go into the nursing home.
I will go and see him later today to see how he is doing. I think all the family slept good last night.
I am a Jersey girl and we refuse to give up and just sit around and wait. :)
Thanks again for all your prayers. His heart is still bad but maybe he might live till after christmas and spend one more christmas with us.