Help me!

[WP~Paint]

He doesn't smoke a lot and will chew every now and then, but I hate it and I know it is bad for him. He knows I hate it because I let it be known. I will say he goes out side to smoke and is respectful of me and won't do it around me or in my car, but it's gross and I hate the thought of it hurting his health. How could I help him see that and help him quit. He has said he has been trying, and it seems like he is, he said a pack lasts him a week, so he is not a chain smoker, but I hate thinking of what it is doing to him! Any ideas?

[WashingtonBay]

Well, dear... beyond this point there be dragons.

I think you need to decide if you can stay, and deal with it, even if he smokes... because attempts to change people rarely work, particularly young boyfriends.

[Jump The Moon]

I'm all for you helping him quit :)
Ask your doctor for some advice, over here the NHS have LOADS on offer to help people quit.
Patches, chewing gum, advice groups etc.
If he doesn't do it too much, it should be better than if he was a serious chain smoker to quit.
Find out if any stop smoking groups go on near you, ask your GP for any advice they have / leaflets etc. and see what products are on offer to help him quit.

Above all he needs to want to quit for himself, as much as for you.

However, WBay had a point too - he might not take too kindly to you wanting him to change and if you want this to be a long term maybe even forever you need to decide if you can live with him if he decides not to quit.

Either way, good luck and I think you're doing the right thing :)

[Tatesgram]

As a former smoker, I know that no one else can convince you to stop. Just like losing weight, you have to make the decision yourself, and you have to do it for your own reasons.

I just decided one day that I didn't like the way my hair and clothes smelled, so I put them down. Now six years ago. It took my husband another year. We both just stopped, no patches or gum.

If he is down to one pack a week, that is wonderful. I would be all over him as to how proud I was that he had cut back that much. I might even be more concerned about the chewing, gum and throat cancer :(. Just as bad if not worse.

Good luck.

[Kara]

that a good way for your boyfriend to say your controling.

best thing you can do is ask once, he knows what is at stake, then you can ask for him not to do it around you

[JackieB]

Above all he needs to want to quit for himself, as much as for you.

Moreso, actually. If he really wants to quit, you can offer support and point him in the right direction. Otherwise, you are wasting your effort and will only annoy him.

I was a two-pack-a-day totally addicted smoker for several years. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is anywhere near this point, but I can tell you that for a person who loves to smoke, as I did, it's nearly impossible to overestimate the power those cigarettes have over a person's body.

I finally decided that I had to quit or I was looking at being a lifelong smoker and that's been 26 years ago now, but I don't expect to face a physical challenge that difficult again in my lifetime. I did it cold turkey and am so glad I did, but I was left with a great deal of sympathy for people who can't quit, or don't even want to try. Nicotine is incredibly addicting. Anyone who doesn't yet smoke, don't even try it once. That's the best advice. I started in college with a cigarette "once in awhile".

So, I think WB summed it up. You probably need to decide whether or not you can live with it. He knows you want him to quit. If/when he decides he is ready to really try, you can be very helpful.

[WP~Paint]

He wants to quit, so I just don't know how to help...He knows I support the fact, but urgh...I love him enough to stay, and since he won't do it around me it's not really hurting me, just him and that hurts though...Hopefully he can do it! I will support him all the way!

[Equine_Woman]

I don't smoke, and my husband doesn't smoke because I told him I would dump him if he did during his younger years. . .(high school). However a friend stopped smoking EASILY (according to her) by reading this book:

Amazon.com: The Easy Way to Stop Smoking: Join the Millions Who Have Become Non-Smokers Using Allen Carr's Easyway Method (0749725586160): Allen Carr: Books

Might be worth a buy?

[vicklynn]

As a smoker, I can say, if my husband, who has never smoked a day in his life, talks to me about smoking, it irritates the heck out of me and makes me want to smoke.
I smoke up to 1/2 pack a day.
Do I like smoking? NO. Can I quit? Sure. Am I ready to quit? NO.
Its an addiction and very hard to quit, even if having a smoke a couple times a day or week helps. Hearing about it, even from a loved one, is very annoying.
If I quit, its my thing.

That was just FYI, in case he is looking at it that way.

I wish we all could quit the nasty habit. Its nasty, stinky, ect.

I do not smoke in my house or truck. I hate the smell of it. I dont like people standing down wind of me when Im smoking, including my husband who could care less if he smells it.

[Country Girl 43]

Otherwise, you are wasting your effort and will only annoy him.

but I can tell you that for a person who loves to smoke, as I did, it's nearly impossible to overestimate the power those cigarettes have over a person's body.

Nicotine is incredibly addicting.


Everytime my husband tells me I need to quit I get totally pissed. :mad: I know he loves me and I know I need to quit, BUT as JackieB and Vicklynn pointed out, it's VERY addicting.

The times I tried to quit I ended up smoking more. It's incredibly hard. The only times I tried to quit was when I felt I was ready, but the addiction always wins. Will I try to quit again?? Probably..... Just wish it was easier. :( I enjoy smoking so that doesn't help.

If your boyfriend only smokes a pack a week he is doing darn GOOD!! I wouldn't pressure him about it. Just support him as much as possible if he ever trys to stop completely.

[WP~Paint]

I know he is doing well for a pack a week, but he is soo close to quitting and I know he knows it's bad...One thing he said is he and his friend started at the same time in high school and promised to smoke till the day they die...his friend got killed in a car accident 5 years ago and he says its hard because of that...I guess all i can do is support that is is scaling down, but i hope he doesn't have health problems anytime soon.

[GrungeEquestrian]

I think you need to decide if you can stay, and deal with it, even if he smokes... because attempts to change people rarely work, particularly young boyfriends.

Agreed.

The thing is if this would stick he needs to do it forhimself. I have friends my age who smoke and chew and I've mentioned it once to them that it may be in their best interest to quit. But other than that there is nothing much I can do. Changing people like WB said rarely does anything, or sticks. The person has to do it for themselves. If this is a BIG no no for you, I would get out of this relationship.

Just my two cents.

[gabhainn]

As much as you want him too, he needs to want to enough to quit. As someone who just recently quit. I know how hard it is, but Carie and I decided it was time and we did it together so that made it easier. Just be supportive, let him know you want him to quit (which you obviously have), but be ready when he does. Cuz he is going to be irritable, jumpy, and will probably gain weight, its been 3 months for us and there are still cravings...............Kevin

[WP~Paint]

I try to be as supportive as I can be, I just hope in time it works!