Women dressing like...well you know

[Palogal]

So everybody's seen some chick running round in a tube top and skini jeans...but she's not skinny. And then there's the chick that has her boobs all over the place busting out of her shirt (yes Kevin, the Pamela Anderson type).

When and where is this appropriate? What is offensive about it?

My answer is this...Anyone has the right to dress anyway they like. Professionals don't dress this way and that is at the discretion of the workplace. For example today I am sporting my Warrior Hoodie and my favorite jeans. This is not appropriate in most work places even if it is Friday. If you don't like it, look away. However, if you choose to dress this way, accept the comments that come your way - you have forfeited the right to complain about them.

What do you think?

[WashingtonBay]

I can agree :)

[gaited07]

I don't care to see the underwear of todays young men (gang banger and wannabes) I don't want to see anyone nasty body parts hanging out in public view but here in Vegas you see all and then some.
My comment is usually,"DOES THIS PERSON NOT OWN ANY MIRRORS?" No one in their right mind would leave their house if the "REALLY" seen what they look like. I'm sure once age and wisdom hit, (pictures don't lie) they will see how STUPID they look and stop the trend with their children. (God I hope!)

I dress professional 5 days a week (suits). On my days off I'm in my grubby cloths but I don't think my horses mind what I look like LOL!

[Tatesgram]

I was raised hearing my mother say "If it's not for sale, don't advertize it" and "If it ain't pretty, cover it up". Like it or not, people judge you by your appearance, but where you are has a lot to do with it also. If you saw someone at the barn in spike heels and skirt, you would get a good laugh and know that person was out of place. Same with jeans and a tee shirt in an executive board room.

I'm very tolerant of attire, unless it's dirty. I can't handle dirty. I'm not talking been working on the fence in the hot sun for the past few hours, I'm talking not having a bath and wearing dirty clothes for a while.

I have a niece that loved to shop at thrift stores, now nothing wrong with shopping at them, but she would purchase mens pants two or three sizes too big and wear a belt to hold them up. She had a sweater with a hole in the shoulder, she took a black marker and wrote above it " yes, I know I have a hole in my sweater". You would never know her mother was the CFO of a large corporation and that she lived in a very nice house and drove a nice car. She's also a Christian that has done a lot of charity work. Wouldn't know it by looking at her, back then.

She is now married to a preacher and dresses a lot more conservative. Though her hair may be multi-colored.

Point is, most wouldn't have gone past the cloths to find out what a nice young lady she was.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

I remember "back in the day" when I could wear the provocative stuff. I was in high school but even then I was conservative, I was a self-conscious teen. But at the beach we all broke out the bikinis :p, because it was absolutely acceptable there. I'm not sure what's going on with 'body image' and teen girls anymore, I had all boys (phew!) ;)

[shewasmyshadow]

I nannied for awhile and I worked with Youth Group for even longer. The girls that truly feel good about themselves don't wear inappropriate clothing because their family tells them they look good and helps them choose appropriate attire. They feel loved and cherished. No need for attention getting by dressing immodestly. However, in the homes where their is no parental attention, guidance and outward shows of affection the girls tend to dress immodest and really desire male attention. That's just what I've witnessed in my own experience. I'm guessing this probably transfers to adults too. I know in my own home my husband communicates daily that I am beautiful and that he loves me. That said I am satisfied with the attention I'm getting and there is no desire to dress to impress anyone else. I'm sure if women are single or in a bad relationship that that desire for attention is pretty strong. That would explain the revealing clothing.

[lovesfortune]

I nannied for awhile and I worked with Youth Group for even longer. The girls that truly feel good about themselves don't wear inappropriate clothing because their family tells them they look good and helps them choose appropriate attire. They feel loved and cherished. No need for attention getting by dressing immodestly. However, in the homes where their is no parental attention, guidance and outward shows of affection the girls tend to dress immodest and really desire male attention. That's just what I've witnessed in my own experience. I'm guessing this probably transfers to adults too. I know in my own home my husband communicates daily that I am beautiful and that he loves me. That said I am satisfied with the attention I'm getting and there is no desire to dress to impress anyone else. I'm sure if women are single or in a bad relationship that that desire for attention is pretty strong. That would explain the revealing clothing.

makes sense

[mare]

I think you said it well, shewasmyshadow.

Sure, people can dress pretty much how they want (indecent exposure laws and written threats of physical violence on clothing exempt). But then they shouldn't get offended if I respond to how they present themselves. Favorably or negatively.

They can dress how they want and I can perceive their image how I want.

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

We all get to dress pretty much however we want. We can't forget, though, that we are always presenting an image to people that gives them information about us. It's unavoidable. I think most people also have no idea what image people are actually perceiving, and that it's rarely what we intend. Sometimes, perhaps, but I'll bet those times are few. :doh:

[palomino]

Oh, man I have some stories from my 20s......I was a hot little thing and put on a show like I knew it (I was extremely self concious and still am-huge body issues here) I LOVED to dress provocatively- and I know why I dressed and acted the way I did and Im making sure MY daughter doesnt have that reason. An absent father is a HUGE reason alot of girls act out in that manner. My dad lived with us but he worked at a mill 10 hours a day, and worked in his shop another 5 or 6. I never saw him, and when I did it wasnt positive- he usually took enough time out of his day to punish me and scream at me for whatever I did to piss my mom off that day, then went back out to work.

[oursarge]

I always look like a bag lady. I never dressed in skimpy things even when I had a good body. When I was thin I would think I was shaped like a boy, now that I'm older I think I'm too round so I try to cover up not show. My cousin went through my closet and took 1/2 of my clothes home with her since I lost weight and could get in smalls but was still wearing the XL's because I couldn't get it in my head I am now smaller than I was.

I never judge people by the way they look, that's my mother's job. My mother will miss out on knowing some nice people because they don't dress "properly". She made me wear a dress or skirt {While you're under my roof thing} to school when everyone else was wearing jeans and boots which I wore when I wasn't in school and I still wear. I don't own a dress now.

There is a story that I can't remember all of the details of but if you go to Hildene in VT, it was the summer home for the Lincolns depending on the tour guide you get they'll tell the story about when one of them went car shopping. The last one to live in there was Peggy and she loved animals and would go shopping in barn clothes. She didn't much care how she looked. I guess she was excentric {sp}. She went to Troy NY to buy a car and looked pretty bad and the salesman wanted to blow her off but called the bank to see if her check was good. The bank told him she could buy his dealership if she wanted, she certainly had the money to buy the car. You can never judge someone by the way they dress but lots of people do.

[mare]

You can never judge someone by the way they dress but lots of people do.



Sure you can. The occasional eccentric doesn't negate the norm.

Here's a story. While working in a hospital in the southeast one night. A small group of young adults came in. The nurse at a desk near the door jumped up and said, "What are you doing in here? We got TB. We got leprosy. We got AIDS. You do something stupid and you may die! Get yourselves back out of here. NOW!"

Now what she said was true about the patient population, but we did get visitors and provide precautions for them. I asked her why just jumped in the middle of them without even asking. She said, "They looked like bangers to me."

Sure enough the same group started some trouble 3 blocks away and blood flowed because of them that night.

Was the nurse wrong to "judge" the young people?

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

[...]
I never judge people by the way they look [...]

I'm gonna have to go ahead and, uhh... agree with Mare on this one.

Fortunately, you CAN actually read a book by it's cover, enough of the time to be useful. The question is really what cover you're looking at, and what it might be important to look for. It's being "street-smart" and it can save your life.

Reading people is an art, and it's not merely about "judging" somebody by how much they appear to have spent on clothes. Far from it. Around here in Bellevue/Redmond there's millionaires and billionaires that run around town in shabby clothes. That's not the thing to look for. There's also thugs that run around town in a couple thousand dollars worth of shoes, jackets, jewelry and watches. You can tell a gangbanger when you see one-- and that's an important thing to do. That's "judging" people.

It's important to spot a crackhead or a meth-head nomatter how they're dressed. It's important to be able to read somebody as mentally unbalanced or otherwise dangerous.... within seconds of meeting them. Reading people is something we all do, and must do. We do it with whatever information we have available, but to pretend we don't do it is just silly. And to actually not do it is dangerous.

IMHO.

[oursarge]

Well you guys can judge people by the way they dress, I don't. If you saw me you'd think I was a bag lady, I'm not I just have no sense of fashion. My mother won't go to the stable because she doesn't like the way the people there dress. They are nice people they just don't dress the way she likes. Her loss.

I'm not talking about people who act odd or you know who are on drugs or what ever I'm talking about looking at someone wearing jeans and boots, going to K-mart wearing Barn Clothes because you forgot to change. That doesn't make you a bad person and to pretend you are better than they are just because you dress better makes no sense to me.

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

Well you guys can judge people by the way they dress, I don't. If you saw me you'd think I was a bag lady, I'm not I just have no sense of fashion. My mother won't go to the stable because she doesn't like the way the people there dress. They are nice people they just don't dress the way she likes. Her loss.

I'm not talking about people who act odd or you know who are on drugs or what ever I'm talking about looking at someone wearing jeans and boots, going to K-mart wearing Barn Clothes because you forgot to change. That doesn't make you a bad person and to pretend you are better than they are just because you dress better makes no sense to me.

Well, we're talking about different things, I think. Of course it's not about how somebody dresses. I said that. But to say something to the effect that "you can't read a book by it's cover" (or whatever) is plainly not true. You can.

People are readable. Thank God for that. It's not about reading merely how somebody is dressed... it's about reading what somebody is about from their whole presentation. And that is possible. And useful. Essential, even.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

I'm gonna have to go ahead and, uhh... agree with Mare on this one.

Fortunately, you CAN actually read a book by it's cover, enough of the time to be useful. The question is really what cover you're looking at, and what it might be important to look for. It's being "street-smart" and it can save your life.

Reading people is an art, and it's not merely about "judging" somebody by how much they appear to have spent on clothes. Far from it. Around here in Bellevue/Redmond there's millionaires and billionaires that run around town in shabby clothes. That's not the thing to look for. There's also thugs that run around town in a couple thousand dollars worth of shoes, jackets, jewelry and watches. You can tell a gangbanger when you see one-- and that's an important thing to do. That's "judging" people.

It's important to spot a crackhead or a meth-head nomatter how they're dressed. It's important to be able to read somebody as mentally unbalanced or otherwise dangerous.... within seconds of meeting them. Reading people is something we all do, and must do. We do it with whatever information we have available, but to pretend we don't do it is just silly. And to actually not do it is dangerous.

IMHO.


You said it better than I could, and it's what I do for a living. Ragnar you are spot on :cool:

[oursarge]

Yes I think we are talking about different things. I am ONLY talking about how someone dresses. You can't look at someone's clothes and know if they are rich or poor or good or evil. I know girls who dress like total tramps but yet don't have a trampy bone in their body, they just like that trashy look, God knows why but they do. I also have a transgender friend that I'm sure alot of people wouldn't give the time of day but she's a wonderful person.

I am talking about before you ever talk to someone or see them in action, I'm talking about clothes alone. I don't have alot of trust in anyone really but how they dress doesn't factor into anything it's how they act that makes me know if I might trust them or not and 9 times out of 10 I don't trust them even if I should.

My friend had a guy at her sale last week, cowboy hat, boots the whole bit, looked like a real horse guy. To look at him you'd think he was one of those trainers on TV. She could tell he didn't now S*&^ about horses. He had a young girl with him saying she was his barn manager and he'd be back for the horses, she told him he'd have to take them that night so he left. He was very clean cut looking, the kind of guy you'd take home to mommy. She thought the whole thing was odd but 1/2 the people who go there are odd, she said she wished I was there since I probably would have sensed something like I do alot of times and tell her not to trust someone, she has found out that most times when I tell her that I am right. She found out 2 days later that girl is lucky to be alive, they found her duct taped and tortured in a hotel room, I wish I had the whole story, it's on my broken computer so I can't even send a link but for anyone out there do not answer any internet ads for a barn manager, I think the guy's last name is Fox. Thankfully he didn't kill her, he did take her car, last they knew I think he was in the Albany NY area, that was day ago who knows where he is now. In that case he was a clean cut guy. She knew he was an idiot but didn't know he was violent, if she knew that he wouldn't have left the sale, he would have been duct taped to a chair with the cops called. Someone would look at him and think he was a real horseman if they didn't talk to him.

I'm not good at getting my point across so I can't say what I really want to say without getting all mixed up but I still stand by you can't just tell if a person is good or bad by the way they dress. Once you talk to them then you can get a feeling if you like them or not but still how do you know? My friend is usually a very good judge of people but says I'm better at it because she goes in wanting to trust them and I go in not trusting until they can prove to me I can trust them but again I have to talk to them first. She called me to tell me to look the story up on line and kept saying "I knew he didn't know s*&^ about horses" "I knew that girl shouldn't have been with him" but she never in her life imagined what happened would happen that same night. She was sick for that poor girl. I just hope nobody else answers his ads.

We always joke that my mother would have liked Ted Bundy because he dressed nice. I have nothing else to say since I really don't get my point across the way I need to but clothes don't make the person and I have always believed that and always will.

[mare]

I'm not good expressing my opinions about something so complex as "reading people" either.

In the case of the kids that came into the hospital, my first impression was they were surburban college kids dressing like video actors. And here in the west, where most in ag dress down and not to impress, they get mis-read occasionally.

Maybe it is a sum total of visual presentation and behavior and much of it without conscious thought.

It's been an interesting discussion.