ug, little vent

[Whitedresswind]

Hey guys, sorry in advance for my little vent, but I am just so tired. I am getting really fed up with, hah, myself, I just don't like me. I am way to shy, and its like an ingrained part of me, that I can't change. I have tried desperately, but I lack "proper" conversational skills. People probably see me as a timid or stuck up brat, but I really am not, and its so hard to show my true self to people, because, I don't know what to say. There is a point to this, lol, its coming. So at work today, after getting yelled at a billion times the manager says that in order for me to get more hours I need to work on being "energetic" with the customers. I know when I order food, I don't want the chashier jibberjabbing at me, but I guess I am suppose to be bubbly. I dont' do a horrible job at register, and I say "hello, and have a nice day" and I will talk to them if they say somthing. But when I mess up, I get really nervous (the manager yelling at me, and the customer looking at me like I am some invalid) so I start messing up more, and somtimes my brain just dosn't proccess things like a normal human being, so I end up asking stupid questions, or somtimes I am just baffled by what they want me to do. Ugg, so yeah, and to add onto the stress with Ickabods leg and everything, if I have to call the vet out, its going to suck me dry, and working at arbys is like torture (its soooo hot in there) but I am glad I have a job, just to be clear, lol.. just somtimes I hate myself, and just cringe when stupid words or actions come out of me. Just a little vent, lol, it would be great if you guys could share some tips on how to "come out of my shell" (which is a nice protector, but I guess I need to be vurneable) :) although I have heard most everything. Its always been like this, in school, and everywhere, gagg. Well, vent ended, lol thanks so much for reading this. :)

[lovesfortune]

I am the same way. I also think people think I'm stuck up and I'm really not. I just don't feel comfortable!

Have you ever researched Social Anxiety Disorder? I am not sure what it all entails, but maybe it's something like that?

I have normal anxiety (dr. diagnosed) and I think it's made worse in social situations.

I hope that things start getting better for you at work. I have no suggestions, because I'm there myself some days!

[Whitedresswind]

Yes, my mom thinks I have a Social Anxiety Disorder, I do too, lol, yeah, exactly, I just don't feel comfortable, haha. Thanks

[lovesfortune]

Have you ever gone to a dr. for it? Speaking for experience, I "knew" I had anxiety for many years (as in over 10) and was too embarrassed to go in and talk to someone about it. But after a death in the family this past year, I realized I needed to go. So I went in to my regular family doctor, told her what had been going on for forever and we went through possible treatments. I elected to go with some meds since I had been trying (unsuccessfully) for many years to deal with it on my own.

I have been on a low dose of anxiety meds for a few months now and I see a BIG difference in just about every aspect of my life. I guess I didn't realize how much it effected me. I used to describe my life as "I'm not normal unless I have something to worry about". Now I hardly worry at all.

Not that I'm pushing meds. Just saying that it might be a good idea to talk to someone about it. Anxiety is actually pretty common.

[Whitedresswind]

Yeah, I haven't gone to the doctor, and my parents don't like those types of medication. I'm sure I'll be fine. I noticed that my parents sorta have it too, so its probably genetic, but its just so hard to change when I have been like this my whole life. Even up to like 4th grade, I was so scared to talk that I just motioned answers with my hands! At least I have gotten a little better, lol, but I am still just terrified, gives me the shakes.

[lovesfortune]

Some anxiety is genetic. At least mine is. My mom had it. And my sister has a mild case too.

I know what you mean about your whole being that way. Change is never easy.

[JackieB]

I really feel for you, WDW. I don't have the same problem, but I do have some of my own little personality traits that make life hard for me from time to time.

You're a really good actress. I remember the video from last winter that you posted on the old forum. Granted, it was a silent movie, but the acting was brilliant. I'm sure that you've gotten lots of calls from Hollywood that you just haven't told us about yet. OK, there is a point to this.:)

Might you be able to imagine that when the customer comes up that you are playing a role in a movie where you work at Arby's and have to be a different type of character than you are normally? I've heard plenty of actors say that they play roles that are so different from them personally. And I do believe that some actors are actually very shy as well.

Perhaps an unrealistic suggestion, but I have heard this about actors and just thought I might suggest it.

[JackieB]

Beyond the acting idea (which I admit is a bit far-fetched), I would say to just keep trying your best. There are some things that I'm not very good at, so I just tell myself to try really hard to be average. Just a little small talk. Be sure to smile. That's very important. If you smile, you don't necessarily have to say much to let the customer know that you appreciate serving him/her.

[Whitedresswind]

That is a very great suggestion, and my mom has told me to do that, lol. How did you know I wanted to be an actress? lol, I love being someone other then myself, and I want to go to college for that as well (acting that is, lol), even though its not very realistic, its my dream :) But thanks jackieB I am defiantly going to try that.

[JackieB]

That is a very great suggestion, and my mom has told me to do that, lol. How did you know I wanted to be an actress? lol, I love being someone other then myself, and I want to go to college for that as well (acting that is, lol), even though its not very realistic, its my dream :) But thanks jackieB I am defiantly going to try that.

Fantastic! I hoped you wouldn't think it was a dumb suggestion. Now, you do have a challenge to rise to. Working at Arby's can be one of the places where you practice your acting skills. Seriously.

I didn't know you wanted to be an actress, but that film you made with your sister last winter really was a lot more than your average forum video. You obviously planned it all out and directed and everything.

WDW, why would you say that it's not realistic to pursue acting? Even if you major in something that is more likely to help you get a "regular" job out of college (which I do think would be wise), you can still act in school plays, community theatre, and so on. And you could get that big break. It happens.

[Horseless]

wow you sound just like me when I was younger.
I worked at McDonalds and I would get like that too when I would make a mistake, I would break out in a sweat and get nervous and didnt know what to say.

so to compensate for that I made myself go the opposite direction, I started to speak out more and loud.
I would say hey welcome to McDonalds what can I get for you.how are you doing blah blah blah. I think thats why Im a clown now. To hide my shyness I actually made myself goof off and be a clown and people laughed and it made me feel more comfortable.
I know it might sound weird but hey it worked.;)

So see Whitedresswind theres hope for you.:D

[Whitedresswind]

Thanks JackieB :)
lol, horseless, I'm glad its so common, otherwise I would feel dumb, haha. Theres always hope =)

[Whitedresswind]

you guys always make me feel better =D

[Equine_Woman]

Just wanted to come give you a big pat on the back. I think you got some good advice from everyone and I hope you know you aren't alone in what you are feeling!!! I was shy too and still am to a point, social things don't interest me and other than my very few close friends I get all my contact with others through the computer. Anyways, I have no advice other than hang in there!!

[KittySawrus]

Awwwww, WDW!!
Don't hate yourself pls ):
I felt exactly the same when I started at Lumley - I had to be more smiley, more loud, etc. Something useful to learn is different faces - so, you can put on your "happy bubbly cashier" face for work, but then when you're done go back to being you. I know it's not the best way, but if you're more used to being quiet, then it can be easier than trying to change your whole self for this.
Don't feel so down! We've alllll been there, and we're all here for any support or advice you need, you can see that :)

[oursarge]

Jackie B always has such good suggestions! Our friend's son [He's also our friend] is 18 and very shy until he gets on stage. He loves to act and sing etc. He was in the school plays and chorus. We also have community theaters in some towns, the towns aren't close, but if he wants to be in a play he can try out somewhere. If you really want to maybe the school play is the place to start if your school has plays! It's funny when you hear alot of actors in interviews most of them say they are very shy.

Our friend is 18 now and I call him my "shrink" since I'm also very very backwards. I have terrible social anxiety. I HAD to go to a wedding a few weeks ago and was in a full blown panic attack and he happened to call me about something and heard my total panic and talked me down. Then he had to come over to pick something up and assured me that I looked OK to go to this wedding since I don't have fancy clothes. I find it interesting that he is shy too but can talk someone else into not having a breakdown just because there is a social occasion.

I've always been like this [School was a nightmare for me] so I can understand how you feel. I think you are brave just doing the job you are doing where you have to interact with people. I agree with you, after you smile at people [Smiling is important] and ask them what they'd like to eat and tell them thank you and come again in a nice voice what more are you supposed to do? Personally I can't stand when I'm somewhere and the check out person is just so chatty. One girl was looking at a book I bought and telling me she likes that author and on and on and I felt like saying "Just put my book in the bag and stop pawing through it" but I didn't. I really hope things at work get better, your boss doesn't sound very sympathetic. You probably don't have time to look for something else where you don't have to have him stressing you out.

I know it's no help but I think there are alot of people who are just like you out there. I know I can type here and be chatty but in person I probably wouldn't say much more than "Hi" unless I was talking about my animals. If I have to be in a social situation I hardly say anything and am counting the minutes until I leave. If I'm at someone's party I'm usually the one in the corner with the dog! I avoid those things as much as I can but there are times I have to go and I dread them. Good luck with your job and your acting and just know that you are not alone.

[FredRock]

Hey, I know how you feel.

I recently started to work at Target, and when you "train" for cashier they put you on a closed register with a little handbook and you have to figure it out. Now it's easy when you have some simple stuff to do, and all of the time in the world to figure it out. When I finally went to the first open register I messed up so much. I'm generally shy too, to the point where I want to scream at myself and ask why I keep sabotaging myself. So whenever I made a mistake the first few times, I'd kind of shut down and then make more mistakes and look like a loser.

It does get better with time though. Eventually (after like 3 times up front) I started to roll with the punches. If I make a mistake I just say "sorry!" and try my best to fix the mistake, and then call in a higher-up if it's something I can't fix.

Hang in there! It always gets worse before it gets better. I don't know what's off with Ickabod's leg, but I hope it works out!

[AppyLover]

WDW, first don't hate yourself, don't put yourself down, and don't beat yourself up.
Second, you are an amazing young woman with tons of talent just waiting to show the world. Your writing is amazing and your movies and photos are stunning art. Work is just for a paycheck right now, try some of the suggestions you've been given, just put on your "work face" and get it over with so you can go back to being you. I know I don't want you to change, I became friends with you because of your personality and your drive to reach your goals. Don't change that over a temp job. You will have many other jobs down the road, some you will love and some will be another "Arbys" but the point is it is just a job. You can reach your dreams of being an actress if that is what you truelly want. GO FOR IT! Run at it full speed and don't ever give up or doubt yourself for one second, because you will have to fight for it, but stay at it and you will get there.

My mother calls me a "social butterfly." I truelly am not. I get very uncomfortable in crowds, I feel like I don't belong and I don't fit in with most groups. But now that I am a little older I am ok with not fitting in, being a little out there or even a "freak." The point is I like who I am, I am happy being me. I play to my strengths. Some I knew I had and some I just discovered. (You will too). I am good with horses, I enjoy fitness, soft skin, silky hair, art, and dancing. I love to read, I enjoy dramas and freaky movies, I love science, enjoy math.

My point in telling you all that is that there are many different things that make up who we are. Don't change one thing, just work with your strengths so you can get through the weeker parts.

I was training to be a fitness trainer (I got board), tried computer animation (the programs confused me....still do), I am going back to school for Holistic health (I have about 100 recipes for home-made skin care items that work), I am also pretty good at belly dancing (go figure...I drive a forklift and sell trailers) I will be preforming at festivals and on stage next year.

Work with your strengths WDW.

((((HUGS))))

[Horseless]

WDW Im comming up there and odering food from you then Im going to tell your boss
that you are the bestest cashier ever in the whole wide world and you deserve a big raise, or Ill call the Corporate office and report him. :D

[Whitedresswind]

Thanks everyone you guys are so great. =) And horseless, she may be a little offened if you call her a man, haha, but that would be cool, lol. I just look at her, and see how fake she is, with the customers she is all sweet talk, and smiles, but when I mess up its like "roarrr" its embarrsing how much I mess up, my sister used to work at the same arbys, and left because of that manager, I can now see why.

[Horseless]

Thanks everyone you guys are so great. =) And horseless, she may be a little offened if you call her a man, haha, but that would be cool, lol. I just look at her, and see how fake she is, with the customers she is all sweet talk, and smiles, but when I mess up its like "roarrr" its embarrsing how much I mess up, my sister used to work at the same arbys, and left because of that manager, I can now see why.


cheer up Girl just do your best,

besides sooner or later we all have to work for people like that who are nothing more that a big Butt Hole. LOL ;) even us grown ups . :p

[Whitedresswind]

haha, true true, its good preparation. =)