Need a small vent...

[dame_wolf]

Is it just me or does anyone else see the difference between these 2 scenarios:

#1
My family calls to invite us over. I say 'Sounds good. Let me talk to J and make sure we don't have other plans.'

J's family calls to invite us over. J says 'Okay.' and then later, hours or days, tells me that we are going. I talk with J, J sees difference, and we move to scenario 2.

#2
My family calls to invite us over. I say 'Sounds good. Let me talk to J and...' Same as before.

J's family calls to invite us over. J says 'Sounds good. Let me talk to Kristy and...' Now same as what I tell my family. Should be good right? Now J's family says that I am running the house and J has to ask permission just like J's brother has to with his wife. I'm very offended at this! J's sister-in-law runs the house and J's brother does all the house work, child care, and has to ask permission for everything and J's mom is saying that I am the same... Bull! All I asked is that I be included in plan making like I enclude J! I'm trying really hard to bite my tounge next time I see her but I don't think I'll be able to!

[AUEquine]

I understand their fear of having another one of "her" in the family, but jeeze they could at least wait until you actually say no to something!

[dame_wolf]

That's just it!!! I don't say no! I say ok unless we did have other plans and then I just remind J and he says no we had plans. I've never said we can't go see his family!

[miatapony]

wow i really admire you alot .. i think i would have just blew up already with everything.. you are a very strong person ... and it would TIC me off to no end if that was going on in my family.. head up .. your great ..

[vicklynn]

Oh you controlling Biatch....:hysterical:




I am so kidding..hehee

Sounds like Js momma needs to get a control on her accusations about you. There is nothing wrong with checking with the significant other on any type of plans, to include seeing the family.

[lovesfortune]

well i'm a firm believer that if you are in a relationship that means there are TWO PEOPLE that need to be talked to about decisions, especially regarding where you are spending your time together.

[Cat]

The fun of in-laws.

My MIL just realized we have two parrots. She told hubby that it seems I need two of everything (gee - why because I now have two haflingers as well after waiting years to get a second one?) so he better watch out because I probably have a second husband somewhere.

And they wonder why I have not been back to WI in 5 years!

[gaited07]

well i'm a firm believer that if you are in a relationship that means there are TWO PEOPLE that need to be talked to about decisions, especially regarding where you are spending your time together.

Well said!

[oursarge]

Oh you controlling Biatch....:hysterical:




I am so kidding..hehee

Sounds like Js momma needs to get a control on her accusations about you. There is nothing wrong with checking with the significant other on any type of plans, to include seeing the family.

What Vicky said!!!! We always check with each other since there are times one of us might not want to go some place. To me it just seems like common curtosy [can't spell] to check with the other person. If he said OK without asking me I wouldn't go since I want to have a say in where I go or not go and he feels the same. When you are a couple you should check just to see what the other wants to do. Families are a real pain sometimes! I hate people getting in my business so I'd probably have a little chat with her.

I agree with the two people in a relationship thing too, that is true. When there are two people involved it's just not one person anymore so it is nice to act like a couple and not like a single person. Is the woman a widow or does she have a husband? Does she speak for him when it comes to going places?

We're having issues in the husband's family that would take a book to go into but it comes down to one sister being a widow for the past 30+ yrs, the other sister being married with an idiot for a husband but now the idiot is very sick and the widowed sister thinks the other sister should just throw him in a nursing home and forget him like he isn't a person. That isn't happening but the widowed sister is so mad that she isn't getting her way. I think she's forgetting that the sister took wedding vows which include in sickness and in health. I can't stand the man but if the mother loves him that is all that counts, I don't have to live with him either does the sister so it's nobody's business but theirs. Families can really be a pain in the neck at times.

[gabhainn]

Oh F#$% 'em they arent worth the sweat off your a$$

[peace_baby]

Oh F#$% 'em they arent worth the sweat off your a$$

What he^ said. :)

[MyMia]

Your in-laws don't understand relationships, do they? That's so sad, and makes it hard on you. I have to say that if it were me, I think I'd have to say something (politely, because I hate arguments) like "checking with a spouse does not mean that spouse is controlling--it's common courtesy".

Hang in there, and vent all you want here!

[Suzi]

Some poeple are always ready to believe the worst and let you prove them otherwise. I don't know if you enough repoire witht the family to be able to talk heart to heart, but if you can just tell them how you feel abt being considerite with your spouse and maybe plug in how good she taught J to be so considerate. (altittle honey). Since these people will be with you for life, somehow you need to find a way to deal with them.

[AUEquine]

Next time instead of J telling them he has to check with you, have him say he has to check with the dog (insert name). That should throw his mother for a nice loop. Now it can be the dog that's controling things instead of you!!! Or at least give you a good laugh!

[dame_wolf]

Thanks everyone!

Oh you controlling Biatch....:hysterical:

Yep that's me!!! Actually I can be controling and go to great lengths to not be as well as telling J to let me know if I do. When I ask he says no I'm not so I remind him to let me know and he says he will. His ex was VERY controling and so I trust that he will.

well i'm a firm believer that if you are in a relationship that means there are TWO PEOPLE that need to be talked to about decisions, especially regarding where you are spending your time together.

So do I. I was in a relationship where the guy controled everything and I wont go back.

the woman a widow or does she have a husband? Does she speak for him when it comes to going places?

She does have a husband but she doesn't leave the house or do anything.

Oh F#$% 'em they arent worth the sweat off your a$$

That would be doable if I wasn't in love with J... I'm still hoping that we are able to move and then the family will be hours away. Not very nice to say but...

Next time instead of J telling them he has to check with you, have him say he has to check with the dog (insert name). That should throw his mother for a nice loop. Now it can be the dog that's controling things instead of you!!! Or at least give you a good laugh!

OMG that would be funny!

[dame_wolf]

Oh and I finally had enought of A yelling at J today. She started yelling at him because he said we weren't going to go ice skating on the lake anymore and instead of letting him finish she just started yelling about 'why you said we were going to when you weren't going to' and I had enough. I looked at her and told her that her dad didn't know when he said that 2 days ago that it was going to warm up so much today and make everything melt. She just looked at me and said that he didn't tell her that and I told her that was because she started yelling at him instead of letting him finish talking. J then said that we would go up and see if we could find some snow to play in instead and she said she wasn't going. J said ok, I said ok and we got ready to go. As we were leaving I told her to be sure to clean up her mess before we got back and she stormed off to her room. J went in, asked her what was wrong, and she said she wasn't going because we didn't want her to go and that I was being a bi***! J told her to never again call me that for any reason! I wasn't being a bi*** to her and we don't call her that even though she acts like one frequently! And then he told her that we did want her to go but she needed to lose the attitude. She did and we went. She has been fine the rest of the night so far.

[oursarge]

We live next door to the "outlaws" and I always say I want to move, my husband says moving would be worse since then they'd want to come and stay with us. I told him no way, I'll pay for a hotel room. My parents can stay but not the his family. I like his mother alot but the man she is married to I can't stand to be with for more than an hr or two. I feel real bad he's sick, I don't wish that on anyone but I still can't be in his company for long. Someone who tells anyone who will listen that I'm crazy because I love animals is not my kind of person! Good luck with this gang, it sounds like there is alot of drama for you between the parents and kids.

[Petra]

I wouldn't want to be in your situation. Sadly you don't get to pick your in-law's. The best thing to do is what Kevin sugested.
Just don't let the family come in between you and J. They are not worth it.
When I was a kid my parents almost got a divorce over in-law's. It was very ugly.

[Country Girl 43]

Oh F#$% 'em they arent worth the sweat off your a$$

I have to agree here. Been there done that, getting ready to do it again! :crazy: