dame_wolf
01-04-2010, 03:39 PM
I don't want to type it all out in great detail but it looks like my Sister and Brother are getting a divorce. Now before you all start thinking what a messed up place this is with a brother and sister married we are not blood. I've know R (sister) for 20 years and J (brother) for 19. I love them both, they are my sister and brother. We were all friends long before R and J got together so it's hard to see them go through this. The thing is people change over time, everyone does, and they have just grown in different directions. J has become very dependent on R, very smothering (R is not a person that likes that), and I don't think he likes himself or even knows who he is anymore. R wants a partner, not a 4th kid to take care of (yes they have 3 kids together) and doesn't love the person J has become. They have troubles in the bedroom (sorry if that's TMI but in a relationship/marriage that is important), and J's mom is putting images in J's head of R cheating on him with another of our friends, T. R isn't that kind of person, J knows that but is very insecure. Plus T went through a very bad divorce a couple years ago where his wife cheated on him the entire time they were married. He's not that kind of person either and he has a live in girlfriend.
They are both talking to me which is fine. They are both my friends and have been for most of our lives. They both know that they are both telling me things that I can't share and neither one of them ask about that. They know if I am keeping a confidence for one I am keeping a confidence for both but they also know that if they tell me something that I think the other should know I will say so and the other is going to know and they are fine with that too. I've never had one say 'No don't say that!' it's always 'I've already told them that so go ahead, maybe they'll listen to you.' 2 years ago when they had the first major blow up I acted as mediator between them cause they just couldn't talk to each other without a fight blowing up. This time is very different from that time and I told them that they could talk to me about anything they needed to, I am there for them both, but that they need to get a counselor. They need someone that is COMPLETELY outside the situation. Both agree and they have gotten the phone # for a marriage counselor. J is hoping that this will save the marriage, R is hoping that this will help J to let go and get his own life. I'm really afraid that for R the marriage is over and that is the only thing that I think J needs to know and I haven't told him. I still have hope for them too, just like J does but the hope is small.
They are both talking to me which is fine. They are both my friends and have been for most of our lives. They both know that they are both telling me things that I can't share and neither one of them ask about that. They know if I am keeping a confidence for one I am keeping a confidence for both but they also know that if they tell me something that I think the other should know I will say so and the other is going to know and they are fine with that too. I've never had one say 'No don't say that!' it's always 'I've already told them that so go ahead, maybe they'll listen to you.' 2 years ago when they had the first major blow up I acted as mediator between them cause they just couldn't talk to each other without a fight blowing up. This time is very different from that time and I told them that they could talk to me about anything they needed to, I am there for them both, but that they need to get a counselor. They need someone that is COMPLETELY outside the situation. Both agree and they have gotten the phone # for a marriage counselor. J is hoping that this will save the marriage, R is hoping that this will help J to let go and get his own life. I'm really afraid that for R the marriage is over and that is the only thing that I think J needs to know and I haven't told him. I still have hope for them too, just like J does but the hope is small.