I just need to vent

[KanoasDestiny]

I know that I haven't been here long and that I don't know you all very well, but I really need to get something off of my chest before I explode. I hope that you all won't mind. I don't have any friends that I can hang out with and confide in, so I don't really have a way of releasing my frustrations.

My husband and I have been house hunting for several years, waiting for the perfect one. We found it and put an offer on it in June. The bank accepted our offer and since then, it has been literally one thing after another. We have been in escrow since July, and should have orginally closed in September. It's a long story and you wouldn't believe half of the stuff that has happened, but we are still supposed to get the house. We are absolutely in love with this place, and it feels right. We don't want to back out of the deal because it would break our hearts to not get it, so we continue to ride it out and hope for the best. We have already paid over $1,000 extra (not down/closing costs) just to keep things moving, we're that serious about this place.

We've been stressed and upset these past few months to say the least. Well...just this week, my mom decides that she's going to buy a house too. She is going to put her bid in today. She has NEVER wanted to own her own place, nor has she EVER wanted to move from the place she's lived for the past 23 years. She's using OUR agent and OUR lender, and to make things worse, she keeps rubbing it in our noses that she'll get a house before we do and that we can come live in her garage. According to our lender, she'll probably have it closed within 30-45 days. (We'll probably still be in limbo by then.)

I'm hurt, I'm angry and I'm extremely bitter! My mom is NOT a nice person, she constantly passes judgement onto others and gives people she doesn't know (waiters, clerks, etc) really bad attitude. I've refused to go out to eat with her anymore because it always ends with her treating one of the staff members very poorly. She's negative and always tries to start drama with everyone. She is CONSTANTLY downgrading her exboyfriend, and when he calls, she gets really upset and doesn't want to answer it. Yet, she bought a new car a couple of years ago after they broke up, and after she gave him a big ol' sob story about how she can't afford it, he is the one making her $300 payments every month. When he comes to give her the money for the car, she's all sweet to him, but the second he leaves or any other day, she does nothing but complain about him. She is SOOOO using him and it makes me sick. She has no money, and guess what! Robert is "lending" her the money for her earnest money, down payment and closing costs, and is going to co-sign for her on the loan. Can you guess how nice she is being to him right now??? I can't stand people who use others!

She keeps bringing the house up to me, and I told her that I'll be upset if they get their house first. Then I told her that I don't plan on helping her and my 21 year old brother move. She always tries to use my husband as her own personal slave, instead of making my brother get out and get his hands dirty. She babies him and makes excuses for why he doesn't want to do things. She got really mad at me about me not wanting to help them move, but I know that she'd end up making us move the majority of their stuff. We're hurt already, and moving them would just be like a slap in the face. It's just like when a couple are SERIOUSLY trying to have a child, and their best-friend/sibling rushes out and becomes pregnant, then asks the couple to babysit when the baby comes. I know that she's my mom, but it doesn't stop me from feeling betrayed and extremly upset!

Ok, I feel much better now.

[dame_wolf]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'd feel the same way about moving my family if they were that way and I'd refuse to help too. I know they are family but you can only be pushed and taken advantage of so much before you snap. In regards to the exboyfriend there isn't anything you can do. He has to see how she is and if he doesn't I doubt you can open his eyes. As for the house I'd go talk to the lender and demand information as to why it is taking so long. That is just crap and you should be in your house by now! Hang in there girl.

[WashingtonBay]

Glad you got rid of all that!


What's the hold up on your house, and why do you think you'll still be battling it in another 45 days! Yikes. Hubby and I just started looking for places, and that doesn't sound fun at all.

[KanoasDestiny]

Well it's been a real eye opener! I never dreamed getting a place could be this problematic. The main problem is that this place is a short sale home. I've just recently heard that foreclosures are easier to close on, sure wish I had known that before!


Here's a breakdown of what has happened (I could write a book!)...


Early March - we drove by house. I really wanted another one at the time and I wasn't really "open" to others. I told Mark "Eew, I don't like it!"

May 31st - we were out driving around and I told Mark "let's drive by that place again". The second time we went by, it was like magic. I saw it in a whole new light and I told Mark that I wanted it.

June 1st - we went and viewed the house with an agent.

June 2nd - we put in an offer for $15,000 less than the asking price.

June 3rd - we got a lender and told him that we keep our savings at home, rather than in a bank. He told us to get our money in the bank ASAP. (we did)

June 5th - we found out that FHA wouldn't go rural (100% financing) on a mobile home, and that we'd need a 3.5% down. I paniced and we revoked the offer.

June 12th - we resubmitted our offer and asked the sellers to pay 6% of the closing costs.

June 18th - found out sellers would accept $25,000 less than the asking price but they would only pay 3% of the closing costs. We counter-offered, asking that they pay 4.5% of the closing and pay for our certs.

June 25th - the sellers agreed to our offer and terms.

July 6th - our lender told us that we are going to have a problem because there was no paper trail for the $3,000 that we suddenly put in the bank. (at his urging)

July 20th - we opened escrow.

August 1st - the appraisal came back as $23,000 less than the agreed price. We had to go back into negotiations with the sellers. (new contract)

August 14th - sellers got back in touch with us, and requested a copy of the appraisal, so they could make their decision.

August 28th - they finally agree to the appraised amount and returned the necessary paperwork, so that we could continue with escrow and the underwriting.

September 20th - escrow should have closed.

September 30th - we found out our lender's underwriting company didn't want to finance the house.

October 5th - we restarted the loan process over again with a different lender. We had to pay an extra $275, to have the appraisal looked at by this office.

November 9th - we got a call from our agent saying that the new lender wanted a well and septic cert done on the property, and we would possibly have to pay an extra $700. Also, if escrow didn't close by the end of this month, the house would go from a "short sale" to a "foreclosure".

November 10th - went in to sign an updated contract at seller's request and found out that they would need to cover the cert costs per contract. (we wouldn't have to pay the $700)

November 24th - went in and signed final Home Owners Insurance documents.

November 25th - found out the bank that is selling the house got a new assessment manager and she was reviewing the new contract, and wasn't returning phone calls. They did cancel the foreclosure process though, since they were so close to selling it.

December 3rd - found out that the bank was no longer honoring the original agreement. They were refusing to pay any closing costs and for the certs that had already been done. We had to come in with an additional $4600 to cover those costs.

December 4th - agent contacted the previous assessment manager, and she took over dealing with the contract again. She assured us that the original contract would still stand and they would pay for the original terms. (meaning we wouldn't have to pay the $4600 or certs). We were told that the assessment manager has some 200 files on her desk.

December 12th - the home owners insurance company started insuring the home. We better not have to pay back whatever they are getting paid because we don't own the home yet!

December 21st - loan officer called us because our "locked in finance charge" period had ended. We had to pay an additional $500 to lock it in for another two months or we would have to go through all of the paperwork again.

As of now, we haven't heard anything else except that our agent doesn't know why it's taking so long. Our appraisal expires the first week of February (another $400 plus who knows what kind of paperwork we'd have to re-do), and our new "locked in interest rate" (that we paid $500 to extend 60 days) expires on February 25th.

[WashingtonBay]

Yikes.... Soo..... basically, you found a house you like, but it's wrapped completely in messy red tape. :huh:

What a pain. Thanks for the warnings about the short sales and foreclosures, because there are a lot of them.

[dame_wolf]

Oh Geez! It wasn't that hard to buy my first house! I'm sorry!

[natisha]

Stop telling your Mom what is going on with you.
Buying houses shouldn't be a competition. Be happy your Mom is getting a house or fake it in front of her.
Eventually you'll have your place & your Mom will likely get a foreclosure or have to live with a guy she doesn't like.
I'd rather be in your shoes than hers.

[Fork]

Ouch! Have you considered distancing yourself from your mom? That sounds terrible with the housing issues. :( Fingers crossed everything works out before your mom's deal is finished.

[outriding01]

Wow, so sorry you're having to deal with all that. I bet it's not a fun way to start the new year. I agree with distancing yourself from your mom. It sounds like that relationship is just adding to the stress you're dealing with already and I can't see any reason for willingly taking that on. I don't know if talking to her about how you're feeling would help, so maybe consider that, but when people try to use me or cause drama in my life, I cut them out. I don't engage in conversation or answer calls or texts. I'll leave it at that until I'm in a better place to deal with it and then see if they've changed their attitude and are able to have a mature relationship. If not, rinse and repeat....

[WashingtonBay]

Eh - you can't distance from parents, just be glad you don't have to live with them any more and can meter your dosage of them.

My dad is the smartest man I know, and if I have an idea he has a way of being right and making me feel like an idiot, even when he's not right. :D They're frustrating, but what can we do!

I think I'd probably muster a sarcastic "Thank you for all your kind and loving support, mom." though.

[mare]

Stop telling your Mom what is going on with you.
Buying houses shouldn't be a competition. Be happy your Mom is getting a house or fake it in front of her.
Eventually you'll have your place & your Mom will likely get a foreclosure or have to live with a guy she doesn't like.
I'd rather be in your shoes than hers.

I agree.

Stop trying to make her into a "mom." Doesn't sound like it's happened yet and it probably won't.

I had a mean old snake of a mom. My motto pretty early was "you got your family by birth and your family of choice." Go make your own family.

[KanoasDestiny]

Thank you guys, I really do feel alot better now that I got it off my chest. Holding things in intensifies things greatly, and the only people I ever really talk to are my husband, mom, and brother. Since it was about my mom and brother, I couldn't really vent to them. Haha.

Unfortunately, my mom and brother are my next door neighbors. We live in a duplex with us on one side, and them on the other. It's very stressful because there's no such thing as "getting away". I try to distance myself and she sets out that much more to "catch" me. She'll purposely pound on our door, or call, or make an excuse, so that I have to talk to her. That's why we were trying so hard to get our own place, but of course I can't tell them that. The fact that she's getting a place isn't what's bothering me really...it's the way she's going about it, and doing it right in the middle of us trying to get through this. I don't need her added stress or her comments right now. I feel like I'm just barely hanging on as it is.

[Buckpoco]

I hope that if your mom gets a house, she'll be far away??? She doesn't seem like a very upbeat person to be around. I think it would be better to distance yourself from her.:eek:

[Toodlestoo]

We are currently in a contract for a short-sale home in FL. We signed papers the beginning of November and were asked today to extend, at least, till the end of Feb. We really like the house and it would be a steal but I'm getting nervous now that I see how long yours is taking.:(

I hope things work out for you. I wouldn't pay any attention to your mother. It sounds like she's jealous of you. Don't let anyone else bring you down. Things happen for a reason and it this house doesn't work out, I'm sure you'll find another one. Meanwhile, let your mom go in one ear and out the other!

[mare]

Unfortunately, my mom and brother are my next door neighbors. We live in a duplex with us on one side, and them on the other. It's very stressful because there's no such thing as "getting away". I try to distance myself and she sets out that much more to "catch" me. She'll purposely pound on our door, or call, or make an excuse, so that I have to talk to her.

There's always an upside. The sooner she gets her place the sooner she won't be next door. :)

[gaited07]

You must REALLY like this place. If it was me, I would be running for the hills. All the signs are telling me to RUN!!!

[42many]

I'd profusely congratulate her on her upcoming purchase and calmly tell her how happy you are that things are going so smoothly for her - if she can't get a rise out of you, maybe she'll stop bothering to try :)

[KanoasDestiny]

Thanks guys, I've had a couple of days to come to terms that she may be getting her house before we get ours. I think I'm dealing with it a lot better now. Lol. It was just the initial shock that we are STILL going to be waiting, and her comments about it. I think she was really trying to make light of the situation, but it didn't seem that way at the time.

Toodlestoo - I really hope that you don't have anywhere near the problems we have had. I know there's more red tape when dealing with a short sale because the people who are selling still "own" the house, but it's the bank that is making all the decisions for them. We did find out Friday what's been taking so long since the beginning of December. Apparently, the Hud-1 from our lender, didn't match the one from the bank, so they were at a stand still because neither of them wanted to correct the paperwork. Instead of them telling our agent what the problem was, they kept telling her that they hadn't heard anything. We have been BUGGING her non stop, and she finally drove down to their offices and took charge, making our lender's underwriter re-do the Hud-1 to match the other one. She says now that it's done, fingers crossed, we should be closing this week. I am refusing to get my hopes up, until keys are actually in my hand. Too many things have happened each time we've gotten our hopes up, I'm trying to save that let down. We haven't packed anything yet, so if we do get the keys, we'll be way behind. Haha.

[Ranger44]

Sorry about your troubles. Short sales look so good upfront but I have seen how they can drag along and get to be extremely frustrating. Hang in there. If it is supposed to happen, it will.

I don't think you want to hear what I have to say about your relationship with your mom so I'll leave it at that.

[Equine_Woman]

Wow, as a Real Estate Agent I REALLY feel for you! (and your agent!!) That's about as badly as buying a house can go!! Crossing my fingers your closing is this week!!!

As for your Mom, try not to let her get to you. Just live your life and don't compare it to hers! It stinks though that it has to be a competition for her!

[Fork]

Unfortunately, my mom and brother are my next door neighbors. We live in a duplex with us on one side, and them on the other. It's very stressful because there's no such thing as "getting away". I try to distance myself and she sets out that much more to "catch" me. She'll purposely pound on our door, or call, or make an excuse, so that I have to talk to her. That's why we were trying so hard to get our own place, but of course I can't tell them that. The fact that she's getting a place isn't what's bothering me really...it's the way she's going about it, and doing it right in the middle of us trying to get through this. I don't need her added stress or her comments right now. I feel like I'm just barely hanging on as it is.That sounds worse than Everybody Loves Raymond. :(

Ack. Keep us updated.

[miatapony]

Im soo sorry i would be on the phone to the bank every day ... if it is the place you want then take the bull by the horns and wrap it up dont let it drag out too much longer because you wont get the tax credit either if you doo .. be careful .. i HOPE this all works out for you....