I'm worried

[Jump The Moon]

Ok, please, please don't judge me. I'm just worried. I always worry. I'm not even late yet.. it's just.. scary.

Just over a week ago I had sex with my boyfriend. It was both of our first times. We used a condom. I'm pretty sure it didn't split or anything... but basically, since last weekend I've been getting stomach pains. Really, really bad cramps right through my stomach. My nipples aren't sore but they are a little sensitive. Me being me goes onto autopilot "worry worry worry". My period's due in a week, I know I'm being silly worrying when I'm not even late yet. The stomach pains could be anything I suppose. Completely unrelated maybe. They cover my entire stomach and sort of from below my ribs right down. They start off really bad, sometimes making me feel light headed. If I lay down they ease off.. but it can take hours sometimes. I just needed to vent this. Sorry, I didn't feel I could tell anyone else.. but I felt like you wouldn't judge me, I'm sorry if this is really not appropriate :doh::cry:

[dame_wolf]

Ok. First how old are you? Are you able to go to the doctor without a parent or do you have something like a Planned Parenthood where you are? If you feel that you can't tell your parent at least go to a store and buy a test, that will ease your mind until your period does come (been there done that, trust me it does ease the mind). I do think that this is something that you should talk to your mom about though.

[WashingtonBay]

Oh dear.... More than likely you are worrying yourself into having pains. I've actually done that to myself before... we can psych ourselves into that which we are afraid of.

I've not taken one of the little home pregnancy tests in a long time, to know if they'd give you relief and an answer this soon, but it might be worth a phone call to a local women's clinic, or the equivalent over there, where you can ask the question.

Believe me, worrying about it without knowing the answers is MUCH more stressful than finding out the answers. See if you can find out.

[palomino]

I agree with getting a test over the counter- its such a relief. It was your first time, you are probably freaked out from the whole thing. Its a huge thing for a girl, its a big deal. We are here for you. Try to breathe.

[dame_wolf]

Oh dear.... More than likely you are worrying yourself into having pains. I've actually done that to myself before... we can psych ourselves into that which we are afraid of.

I've not taken one of the little home pregnancy tests in a long time, to know if they'd give you relief and an answer this soon, but it might be worth a phone call to a local women's clinic, or the equivalent over there, where you can ask the question.

Believe me, worrying about it without knowing the answers is MUCH more stressful than finding out the answers. See if you can find out.

Yes it is very easy to psych ourselves into symptoms we really don't have. The over the counter tests (not the cheapie dollar store ones) are pretty accurate anymore and most of them come with 2 tests so you can wait a couple days and test again if you want more conformation.

[dame_wolf]

Oh and JTM, take care of yourself and be careful okay... {{{hugs}}} Choosing to become sexually active is a big decision like Palo said.

[KanoasDestiny]

I think all women go through this at some point. I know, I've been there a time or two. ;)

Unfortunately, now that you're "doing it", everytime from here on out that you're late, or something feels off, pregnancy will be a huge fear. Chances are that you're psyching yourself out, and causing those pains to happen, or to seem more intense then they probably are. My guess is that these pains aren't pregnancy related because of the time frame, I think it takes a while longer than a week to start feeling symptoms? I'm betting it's nerves and stress. Not to mention, if you're nearing your period and you have added stress, it could be causing the cramping to intensify.

I'm glad that you guys used protection, alot of young couples aren't that prepared. I do agree that talking to a trusted adult is the best thing to do if you're under age. Going to a doctor/woman's clinic would be a good choice to get all of your questions answered, plus they can tell you about the best birth control for your body/situation. If you get a pregnancy test, I'd suggest getting the new ones that read "pregnant/not pregnant", as there really is no misreading those ones. They are a bit more costly, but well worth it. But at this point, I wouldn't rush out and buy one. I'd wait and see what is happening with your period, and see if it's even late. Please also remember that stress can cause havoc on your period too, so even if it's a little late, it doesn't mean your pregnant. :)

[Jump The Moon]

I know this wont sound good.. but I'm fifteen.
I really can't talk to my mum about it, if she knew we were sexually active she'd go mad.
My best friend I can though, and I talked to my boyfriend about it. They're both ready to support me whatever happens which is good and relieving. Do I need to wait for my period to be late to take a test? Or can I just take one anyway?

[WashingtonBay]

Do I need to wait for my period to be late to take a test? Or can I just take one anyway?

I think you can take some of the tests now, but I don't know... that's what I would ask a nurse at a women's clinic about.

[dame_wolf]

Oh honey. Okay you really need to call a woman's clinic. Since it's only been a week and your period isn't for another week I don't know if you will get an accurate reading. Read the box and see what the recommended/ideal time frame is.

[vicklynn]

Honestly, sounds like PMS to me.

I would talk to your mom about birth control, freak out or not, its a conversation you HAVE to have with her.
Id freak to, for a minute, but then reality would sink in and I would remember myself as a teen and I would get you on BC ASAP.

[palomino]

You NEED to talk to your mom. She needs to know, she cant help you if you wont be honest with her. She may freak, but at least you wont be hiding something so huge.

[dame_wolf]

I agree with Vick and Palo. If she knows she can get you on birth control and that freak out will be way better then the getting pregnant freak out.

[WashingtonBay]

Heh... guys, I know I wouldn't have told my mom when I was fifteen.

Maybe after this scare is over there will be a way, but I wouldn't put it on her to tell mom right now, till she's at least done the preg test and knows the answer. I bet you in her mind that's as big a fear as the preg fear.

Jump... I've been there, I understand... While I can tell you with full hindsight and 20 years down the road that I wouldn't have done it when I did it or with who I did it, I also know I wouldn't have listened to me then, either. I just hope this first little incident turns out to be a warning to consider all the implications, without you having to actually deal with the implications, yet. I'd advise trying not to worry yourself sick till you can take a test. But don't do it again now till you've got a better plan and some more info! ;) If it's negative, you can breathe a huge sigh of relief, if positive, you can take it to your folks and deal with them then.

[Jump The Moon]

thanks everyone.
I know I should talk to my mum, but I can't. Not yet anyway.
Thinking about it, I don't know if she would freak out.. probably a little but not much. She'd want to help more. But there's a tiny piece of me scared that she'd not let me see him and I just can't risk that. :(

[palomino]

At least get on BC, regardless of talking with your mom- condoms and the pill or whatever are NOT a bad idea- BC is not an excuse not to use a condom, but its like a safety net in a safety net.
I wouldnt have told my mom either, but now that I have a daughter, I really hope its different with her and I. I suppose its not that realistic if they arent super close to think telling mom would be ok. I guess Im speaking from what I wish for for my own daughter. I would not make London stop seeing a boy she was with, but I think I would probably be a little stricter.
My mom wouldnt have been any help either.
Looking back I wouldnt have done it with and when I did it either. I was 15 too by the way. I wish I would have waited, but this isnt about me. You are freaking, and hopefully when you get answers you feel better.
I will be thinking of you!
After this is over, whatever direction it goes, I am hoping for the best!
Maybe if this scare is just a scare, its time to think about if being sexually active is what you want right now. Do some soul searching. Im not saying not to be active, but to be SURE.
Ok, sorry if I was being too 'mom'.

[lovesfortune]

At least get on BC, regardless of talking with your mom- condoms and the pill or whatever are NOT a bad idea- BC is not an excuse not to use a condom, but its like a safety net in a safety net.
I wouldnt have told my mom either, but now that I have a daughter, I really hope its different with her and I. I suppose its not that realistic if they arent super close to think telling mom would be ok. I guess Im speaking from what I wish for for my own daughter. I would not make London stop seeing a boy she was with, but I think I would probably be a little stricter.
My mom wouldnt have been any help either.
Looking back I wouldnt have done it with and when I did it either. I was 15 too by the way. I wish I would have waited, but this isnt about me. You are freaking, and hopefully when you get answers you feel better.
I will be thinking of you!
After this is over, whatever direction it goes, I am hoping for the best!
Maybe if this scare is just a scare, its time to think about if being sexually active is what you want right now. Do some soul searching. Im not saying not to be active, but to be SURE.
Ok, sorry if I was being too 'mom'.

I agree. But I am a mom too. If you aren't willing to talk to your mom... sometimes I know that teens can talk directly to their dr. or go to a place and get BC without their parents knowledge. Or at least I thought there was.

As far as testing at home. If you buy a EARLY response kind of test it should say right on the package something like "4 days before missed period" or something like that. Go with one of those. I know you said you aren't due for a week, so count back four days from the day it's supposed to get here and you can test then or later.

I agree 15 is young. And that you should talk to your mom. But it's already happened, and you just need to take this as a lesson and act appropriately from now on. BC, a talk with your mom, abstinence, etc. All something to think about.

[GrungeEquestrian]

I'm so sorry Rachel. I agree with everyone else that it is probably just nerves. Just take a deep breathe, you are going to be OK. I'm sorry I can't relate very well, I wish I could give you more helpful advice. One of my best friends went through the same situation, I was there for her and I felt bad she was going through something like this. I also agree with everyone else that you should get more information about this and need to talk to your mom about it. I know it would be hard for me to talk to my mom about something like this, we have talked about my decision and my mom has always told me that she would always be there for me. I'm sure your mom is going to say the same thing, and it will help put your mind at rest.

I agree 15 is young. And that you should talk to your mom. But it's already happened, and you just need to take this as a lesson and act appropriately from now on. BC, a talk with your mom, abstinence, etc. All something to think about.
Agreed, and I am a teenage girl who does like to listen. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to send a pm.

[dame_wolf]

I remember being 15 and I also know that I didn't talk to my mom either when I finally made the decision. I also really hope that it was your decision. I know how easily that choice can be taken out of your hands...

[peace_baby]

Oh goodness. I reacted the same way after my first time. I really think you're just thinking about it too much. Your body tends to go along with your line of thinking. If you're absolutely convinced that you're pregnant, you're going to have pains and aches and feel 'different.' It's natural. :)

If you're really concerned, you can get a pregnancy test at any drug store for relatively cheap. Granted, the results may not be AS accurate as they would be if you went to a doctor or a free clinic.

I was going to add something else, but lost my train of thought.. :doh: I'll come back to it if I remember.

But you can always PM me if you'd like. My PM box is always open. :)

[TacheteTreasures]

I know this isn't really related to pregnancy, but don't think now that you said yes to him once you need to say it every time.
Just had to put that out there.

[WashingtonBay]

Good advice Tachete ^ :)

[RayLa]

Hey deary,
As far as I know after your...10 or 13 I believe? Your able to go to the doctors and request for anything you share with your doctor to be confidential- then they are legally not aloud to tell ANYONE.
So if you can go to your doctor without your parentals knowing (since you said you don't want to talk to your mom about it)
If you need to talk im always on msn! :)♥

[peace_baby]

I agree with Tachete.

And I remembered what else I was going to add. :D

Once you become sexually active your period isn't going to be as predictable. So don't think that just because you're a week late that you're pregnant. If you miss your period for a whole month, that's when you should become concerned. Just sayin'. :)

[WashingtonBay]

Once you become sexually active your period isn't going to be as predictable. So don't think that just because you're a week late that you're pregnant. If you miss your period for a whole month, that's when you should become concerned. Just sayin'. :)

While this is true, I wouldn't wait that long to find out if you can avoid it. The early tests are cheap but really valuable in peace of mind. :) I would do that first, on the first day the test says it will work!

I just want to assure the moms out there that I'm all for telling mom, and don't want anyone to think otherwise. I just wouldn't put it as a roadblock in front of dealing with the current situation or the temptation is to put off doing either.

Lord knows my mom was the smartest woman around in my youth, even if I didn't realize it at the time. I sometimes wish I had more often.

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

I hate to be a wet blanket here... but there's something important I think, that hasn't been mentioned. Depending on what your local jurisdiction says, and perhaps on whatever difference there might be in your ages... you and your boyfriend could be setting him up for a very serious problem with the law.

In most places what he's doing is illegal. Possibly very seriously so. Even if you love each other and end up getting married and living happily ever after, a little bit of waiting now would avoid being married to a registered sex offender. That one sticks with you forever.

Don't mean to add to the stress... but I figured it needed said.

[Suzi]

I agree that 1 week is way to early to be feeling anything related to a pregnancy. Over the counter tests are great, but you are too early for most of them too. I was young when I became sexually active also. I ge.
made alot of decisons then that I really wished I hadn't. But water under the bridge

I will make another suggestion that I hope you will realize comes form concern. I could be wrong, but you seem to have little knowledge about how a womens reproductive system works. I would suggest you do some reading. You will make better descions about yourself if you are armed with knowledge. I think young women are so sensitive abt sex, that they rely on their peers and media for knowledge and that can be so misinforming.
I hope all works out for you. Try not to panic. You will know soon.

[peace_baby]

While this is true, I wouldn't wait that long to find out if you can avoid it. The early tests are cheap but really valuable in peace of mind. :) I would do that first, on the first day the test says it will work!

Oh yeah. Well, I guess I should've worded my post differently. I didn't mean to not take one if you have some thought that you may be pregnant. I think the earlier you know for sure (whether the answer be yes or no) the better. :)

[WashingtonBay]

RD, I guess I don't know for sure, but I'd assume boyfriend is also a minor.


And they are in the UK, for whatever difference that makes on the parental notification issue, I don't know.

[palomino]

I think he is thinking of the age of consent being 16 and her legally unable to consent. I think.

[livaward]

Well.....on thing that would concern me if the test comes back positive with her pain is an ectopic pregnancy......if it the test is (-) then Endometriosis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis) would worry me with the pain she is explaining....

[vicklynn]

Jump the moon...how old is this boyfriend?
Talk to your mom and get it over with, weather she lets you see him or not.
If your afraid of that then pregnancy is always going to be an issue for you.
I wanted to state earlier that, if its only been a week, you would not have any signs of pregnancy.
IF your boyfriend is as honest as he says then the two of you being tested wouldnt be an issue.
IF your boyfriend has had sex with someone else and you are having pains, it could be a sexually transmitted disease. Believe me, they are painful(thank you ex husband who cheated, and thank you penicillin)
So, Talk to your om, see a Dr for STDs and BC. The sooner you do it the better.

[FoxFireEMT]

Jump the Moon: I totally agree with everything everyone has said. The good & the bad. I, too, was way young & regret it looking back now. But what is done is done and all you can do is learn from this experience. Only you know if & when you are or were truly ready. If you feel this experience has left you with WAY to many questions & not enough answers, then maybe you weren't fully ready. There is nothing wrong with not having sex again for many years to come. Anyway I do think your worrying yourself right now try to take er easy until the period time comes up.

liva: your suggestion is and possibly can be true but also let it be known that MOST women suffer from endometriosis and only a few have serious issues with them. Trust me ~ I know, I'm one of the few. But yes it does kinda sound like the pains that I encounter from time to time with my endometriosis.

Best of luck Jump the moon!

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

RD, I guess I don't know for sure, but I'd assume boyfriend is also a minor. .... And they are in the UK, for whatever difference that makes on the parental notification issue, I don't know.

Yah, I was assuming it was the UK. She types with an accent. :) OK... actually it was the use of "Mum" that's the tipoff.

[miatapony]

one way to cover your mom is to ask for BC for just in case ... not just because ive done it and want to do it more.... you dont have to tell her youve been there .. go take a over the counter test .. like every one else has said .. better to know than to worry ..

[cowgirlup@idaho]

Are you actually "ready" for a sexual relationship? You seem to have too much anxiety over this one time (so far) event. Someone posted earlier that you don't have to continue having sex just because you had it once. Very good advice. You sound scared about more than the possibility of becoming pregnant. When you find out that you are not pregnant :) maybe you could begin to talk to your mom about sex? You don't have to tell her you had an experience, just start getting some answers from someone you trust. I wish the best for you.

[dame_wolf]

That is very good adice from cowgirlup!

[lovesfortune]

I also thinking getting to know your body and how it functions regarding woman issues is a great idea. Also, it helped me when I was in a position to have sex (I waited until I was 18) to put it like this:

Am I ready to deal with a baby or getting pregnant? Would I want this guy as a father to a child? If I answered no - then it was a no to sex. Yes, using protection lowers your risk of pregnancy - but it's not 100%. So if you aren't ready to deal with the consequences, like a baby or pregnancy, then maybe it's not time to start having sex.

I'm not trying to scold you, etc. Like I said, it's already done and over. But I'm trying to help you later on.

[oursarge]

Are you actually "ready" for a sexual relationship? You seem to have too much anxiety over this one time (so far) event. Someone posted earlier that you don't have to continue having sex just because you had it once. Very good advice. You sound scared about more than the possibility of becoming pregnant. When you find out that you are not pregnant :) maybe you could begin to talk to your mom about sex? You don't have to tell her you had an experience, just start getting some answers from someone you trust. I wish the best for you.

This is very good, I didn't say anything because I couldn't think of anything good to say that sounded right especially since I don't have kids. This is perfect. Just because it happened once doesn't mean it has to happen again any time soon. If he loves you he will understand. Nobody your age should have so much stress about something, just the stress can make you late and then you'll be more stressed and it'll be this way every month if you keep doing it! I'm not one to say much on this subject but it really sounds like you aren't ready. I was way older than you and on the pill when it happened for me and I still stressed like you are since I never wanted kids.

I agree about talking to your mother too for a "just in case" thing. I guess my best friend is ahead of her time on this but then maybe not. I know as soon as her daughter got a serious boyfriend she took her to the Dr and had her put on the pill. She told her she would really rather she waits, she wants her to wait but this was a just in case thing since if they did get carried away she's not ready to be a grandmother and also preached double protection. Maybe alot of mothers do it these days. Mine told me nothing, anything I learned I learned from my friends at work both females and males! I was alot older because I never planned on any men in my life, I just wanted horses and a house in the mountains, a man didn't figure into it but then I met my man and we clicked and so did everything else.

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you and maybe you just aren't ready for this big step in life. It really should be pretty pleasant and not so stressful. Only good thoughts.

[natisha]

So how was it? JUST KIDDING!!

You've gotten some good advice. I agree it's likely nerves. I hope things work out in your favor.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

Jump the Moon! I hope you are hearing all the love and concern that is pouring out of this forum for you! What a bunch of loving hearts we are (even RD,lol) and hope you can feel the love and concern. What a good group we have all evolved into :grouphug:
I feel proud and priviledged to be a part of BWF right now. JTM, you will be ok. :)

[cowgirlup@idaho]

So how was it? JUST KIDDING!!

:doh: :whack: :p

[natisha]

:doh: :whack: :p I knew that was coming. I accept my punishment. Ouch!

[Horseaholic]

Well.....on thing that would concern me if the test comes back positive with her pain is an ectopic pregnancy......if it the test is (-) then Endometriosis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis) would worry me with the pain she is explaining....


ectopic pregnancy usually comes along with being very ill..fever, vomiting, vaginal bleeding etc.


while everyone has warned you of plenty of things I'd like to say KUDOS for using a condom JTM. Good for you...you made a very important and safe decision when becoming sexually active and I applaud you for that. Big time.

I'm sure you're just working yourself up. I know that I do that very often. Us women are great at making ourselves sick.


When did these symptoms start?

I would also just like to recommend a clinic like Planned parenthood. I was lucky enough to have parents who are open about being sexual and took me to the OBGYN to be put on birth control before I had to actually confront them and ask (when I was 16) just in case I decided to become sexually active but a lot of my friends used planned parenthood for parents who wouldn't quite understand.

JTM feel free to PM me anytime if you need to talk.

[outriding01]

Most OTC pregnancy tests now can be taken 5 days before your period is due. Not to make myself sound like a big hoe or anything :doh: but I have had more pregnancy scares than I can count. I like to us my BC to skip my period and then freak myself out. It is very scary, but I've learned to not freak myself out until there is for sure something to freak out about. I also understand not being able to tell your mom. I was more than ready when I first decided to become sexually active, but my mom was not, if that makes sense. I got on BC before my first time though, and it is a really great idea, even if you're not planning on doing anything again for a while. You may get carried away unplanned and it never hurts to be prepared.

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

Jump the Moon! I hope you are hearing all the love and concern that is pouring out of this forum for you! What a bunch of loving hearts we are (even RD,lol) and hope you can feel the love and concern. What a good group we have all evolved into :grouphug:
I feel proud and priviledged to be a part of BWF right now. JTM, you will be ok. :)

I do truly hope it comes across that way. (even me, LOL). I toss the wet blanket only about concern for what real bad things can happen to good people. If I didn't care I wouldn't say anything. :)

[Dakota Sunrise]

Oh, Rachel. I have no advice because I've never been in that situation before, so all I can say is I'm here if you ever want to talk. Feel free to pm me whenever. (((hugs))) You're going to be just fine.

I don't know if I'd tell my mom either if I were in your shoes... That would be an awkward conversation I must admit. I'm sure everyone is right and you should talk to her, but I can't fault you for not wanting too because I would probably do the same thing. I usually tell my mom everything but...
If your mom is anything like mine though I'm sure she will be upset but will also support you and want to help. And she probably would have a lot of good advice that could ease your mind. I've never really had a boyfriend (I'm a 17 year old freak of nature:o) so I've never had to have a conversation like that with my mom, but I can imagine how she would react.

Oh dear.... More than likely you are worrying yourself into having pains. I've actually done that to myself before... we can psych ourselves into that which we are afraid of.




I agree, I've done that before too when I got really worked up over something.

[dustys_girlly]

I've never really had a boyfriend (I'm a 17 year old freak of nature:o)

your not a freak, i did not have a boyfriend till i was in college, i had a lot of better things to do with my time.

Jump- i would say talk to your mom about BC. tell her you want it for the benefits like regulated period, lighter periods, less cramps and PMS pains, clearer skin, and then the main benefit of birth control. the only talk i ever had with my mom consisted of her asking if we needed to have THE talk and me saying no. i was 17 there was not much my mom could tell me that my friends mom already had not. because we never had those open talks it widen the void between us. your mom may not like it at first but she will feel better knowing whats going on with her little girl than just guessing, guessing could always be a lot worst.

[GrungeEquestrian]

I've never really had a boyfriend (I'm a 17 year old freak of nature)

Lizzy you are not a freak of nature, I didn't have a real boyfriend until I was 17 years old, and I don't regret things but he wasn't a great first boyfriend either. You are going to find someone special when the right time comes :).

Well I'm headed off for my first two finals of the week, but Rachel I just want to say you have some great advice here and we are all here for you :).

[natisha]

[QUOTE=Dakota Sunrise;269793]I've never really had a boyfriend



QUOTE] So when you do get one (or two ;)) you'll already have so much guy experience through the mishaps of others that chosing a good one will be easy for you. Take this time to become strong & independent while observing what kind of virtues you want in another person then never settle for less. (unless he's mega rich of course :p)

[JennyandJosey]

You've gotten some good advice. I agree with the others that said you don't have to do it again just because you've already done it. 15 is so young to have to deal with all the potential consequences.

I also wanted to add that you can try an early pregnancy test but they are not that reliable. It's very possible to get a false negative. I would wait until you're a day or two late to take a test. But I'm guessing it won't come to that. :)

[oursarge]

Dakota you are NOT a freak of nature, Don't even think that. You are a beautiful sweet girl. I know times have changed, girls start with boys alot younger now than when I was that age. We were pretty clueless back in the dark ages. Even though I grew up in a crazy place in the 60's most of the girls were still pretty clueless at the school I went to.

I never had a boyfriend until I met my husband. So many of my friends were guys from when I was a little kid I just felt more comfortable with them than girls because I didn't have much in common with girls as far as hair, clothes etc.. I liked the guys, they were my friends I would never want to date one of them. I'm not great that's for sure and I was asked out especially by the ones I worked with and we're still friends but that's IT. I'm actually very good friends with my cousin's ex boyfriend who she dated when she was 17. I didn't want anyone who smoked [I'm allergic] drinks [lots of family issues with that] or anyone who would do drugs. They were my friends, some of them did all of the above but I couldn't imagine dating them but they were fun to be with.

I met my husband when I was 21, he was the first and last [as my grandmother used to say "I'll never take another man"! I love my man but he's one of a kind, nobody else would put up with me and my oddities so he's it for me]. We clicked and we've been married almost 33 yrs. My father shook his head for a long time because he said the only way I'd meet someone was if they came down the TV antenna. Meeting my man shocked alot of people because nobody ever thought it would happen. I sure didn't.

I had no interest, I wanted horses and a house in the mountains. My aunt met my husband because he was tutoring my cousin, she kept telling me about him, but I ignored her but she wore me down [It took a year] I finally said OK and that was that.

When the time is right with for you it'll happen but you are not a freak of nature, if you are then what was I???? My boss used to call me "Snow White". I'm not saying what anyone is doing is wrong, it's what ever feels right for that person at that time. For me it took awhile. You might find someone next week, who knows but who ever you find I hope he loves animals like you do. Mine isn't nuts like I am but he loves them as long as the dog isn't big!!!!

I know this is off the topic but you should not put yourself down, others see you so differently than you see yourself. I see you as more levelheaded and mature than alot of people my age. You will do fine I am sure.

To Jump....Good Luck hopefully all will turn out well for you, we are all thinking about you!

[oursarge]

[QUOTE=Dakota Sunrise;269793]I've never really had a boyfriend



QUOTE] So when you do get one (or two ;)) you'll already have so much guy experience through the mishaps of others that chosing a good one will be easy for you. Take this time to become strong & independent while observing what kind of virtues you want in another person then never settle for less. (unless he's mega rich of course :p)

Natisha you are so funny, a little lightness to this heavy topic. I just hope all will be well.

It's funny in high school one of my good friends used to always say she was going to look for some rich old guy with one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel then she'd have the love of her life on the side [I swear the Eagles Lyin Eyes was written about her!!!] She never married the rich old man, never looked for a rich old man really, she married the love of her life at 18 and 36 years later they are still happily married but with money issues, the rich old man would have come in handy!!!! You don't have to have hundreds of boyfriends, sometimes it just takes that one special person and that's all you need, someone who loves you like you want to be loved and as Natisha says NEVER settle for less, you are too special for that.

[allie0]

I hate to be a wet blanket here... but there's something important I think, that hasn't been mentioned. Depending on what your local jurisdiction says, and perhaps on whatever difference there might be in your ages... you and your boyfriend could be setting him up for a very serious problem with the law.

In most places what he's doing is illegal. Possibly very seriously so. Even if you love each other and end up getting married and living happily ever after, a little bit of waiting now would avoid being married to a registered sex offender. That one sticks with you forever.

Don't mean to add to the stress... but I figured it needed said.


exactly what i thought.
i'm not trying to be negative on it either, but thats the first thing i thought of once i'd read your post. he can get in serious trouble for that :///////
i honestly have never been in this situation and i can't suggest anything. you've been getting good advice here. fifteen is incredibly young though :///
i'll say a prayer for you.

[allie0]

And they are in the UK, for whatever difference that makes on the parental notification issue, I don't know.

From what I can remember, you and your boyfriend/partner etc have to be over 18. Under 18 leads to problems if mixed with the law.

I hope its okay for you Rachel, but someone has posted that you'll automatically think you're pregnant when you're not, its natural. I hope thats what it is :)

[Palogal]

First of all, I doubt it. It's waaaay to early to be feeling symptoms of pregnancy. It sounds like a nervous stomach and psycho-somatic symptoms i.e. you are making yourself fell pregnant.

Secondly, being a high school teacher I see this all the time and yes it's a shock to the parents that their baby is sexually active and it does cause some drama at home but....it's much better to be aware your child is sexually active and be able to help them be safe (BC or whatever) that is is to find out all the sudden your child is pregnant and be to late to do anything. I have 6 students this year 17 years old and younger that are expectant mothers.

Your mother had sex too. Don't expect her to take you out clothes shopping and watch chick flicks. Let her do the lectures and all of that but in the end, she's your mother and it will be okay. It might be ugly for a while but this too shall pass and you need to talk to her.

Good luck JTM!

[allie0]

Your mother had sex too. Don't expect her to take you out clothes shopping and watch chick flicks. Let her do the lectures and all of that but in the end, she's your mother and it will be okay. It might be ugly for a while but this too shall pass and you need to talk to her.

Good luck JTM!
good advice!

[Jump The Moon]

Well.....on thing that would concern me if the test comes back positive with her pain is an ectopic pregnancy......if it the test is (-) then Endometriosis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis) would worry me with the pain she is explaining....

My mum has that, she had to have IVF to have us...

[Jump The Moon]

Yah, I was assuming it was the UK. She types with an accent. :) OK... actually it was the use of "Mum" that's the tipoff.

hehehh, alice (allieO) thinks I sound totally english :p Yes, I am in the uk :)

[Jump The Moon]

Firstly, I'd like to thank everybody. I've read every one of your replies and I really appreciate the advise.
Yes, we're both the same age and the legal age is 16 here... I know :doh:

I do feel ready. We talked about it alot before and he said he'd wait forever if that was what I wanted. I can assure you there's zero pressure for us to do it again until we both want to.. whenever that may be.

I spoke to him about this whole thing. He agrees with you that realistically it's probably not a sign and I'm just getting worked up about nothing, but he did spend a long while assuring me that even if I was pregnant, whatever I chose to do, he would be with me through it all no matter what. Both of us want to be careful, which is why we used protection.. I am thinking of going on birth control too - which he also suggested :)

I know I probably should, but I'm not telling my mum yet.
I can't. I know some of you thought I should even if it risked not seeing him but I can't do that. I need him, I love him. I can't lose him.. :( I know I sound pathetic >.<

[Palogal]

I know I sound pathetic >.<

No, you sound like a teenager :) Young love is a wonderful thing, we've all been there.

[outriding01]

I still don't blame you for not telling your mom. I have friends whose moms could deal with it. they freaked a bit, lectured a bit, put them on BC and that was it.... My mom went absolutely psycho. She slept on the floor outside my room for several nights. For what reason, I have no idea. I came home from school the next day and she had torn my room apart. All my drawers on my desk, night stands and dressers were pulled out and everything I owned was dumped on the floors. Everything on my walls and shelves were thrown off. She broke several of my Breyers horses that I have been collecting since I was little. Even my Misty of Chincoteague :mad:. She threw my tv and desk outside. She grounded me and didn't let me audition for the spring One-act show, which I had done every year since I was a freshman and was supposed to be Stage Manager for. If it had been a fun thing, I guess I could understand, but drama was one of my huge extracurricular activities in HS and I was in the International Thespian Society and a club officer so it was important stuff for my resume at the time. Outside of school I didn't see my boyfriend for almost a month, and he was a perfectly good person. My family liked him before that. I almost missed prom. She told my dad everything, and it broke his heart. I didn't see my horse for 2 weeks. I missed several horse shows even though we were in the middle of trying to get me recruited to a college team and get some scholarship money. I mean, it was literally insane and ruined a good part of my senior year.Looking back, it wasn't life ending, but it was my final semester of high school and I wish my memories could be a little better. It was totally unneccessary.
To make it worse, when she found out my younger sister was sexually active several years later, she freaked a bit, didn't tell my dad, lectured her and put her on BC.... I just don't understand. I was already on BC before I even started and had been for several months before she found out, so atleast I was smart. My sister was a moron.

[cheval]

I don't have kids, but if I did and my 15 year old came and told me she was sleeping with someone the first thing that would be done is the end of that relationship. Having sex at that age is so ridiculous I don't even know where to start.

Take a step back and think really hard before something happens that changes your life drastically.

[GrungeEquestrian]

I agree with cheval that the age isn't the greatest. I mean, ultimately it is your decision JTM, but this is something very major. There are a lot of consequences of becoming that involved with someone at such a young age. I know what's done is done but like many have already said you may think about continuing this. Making a teenage relationship a sexual one just adds to more heart break. Girls especially get much more attached to the guy, a hormone is released during intercourse that bonds you to that person. There are tons of other ways to show your boyfriend you love him, trust me I know its hard. I have already made my decision but it doesn't make things easier with my boyfriend. Sex is tempting and I hear its a lot of fun (that's why humans haven't gone extinct ;)) but there are a lot of fun things in life that don't cause such worry. Just something to think about and just my two cents, we are all here for you.

[Palogal]

I don't have kids, but if I did and my 15 year old came and told me she was sleeping with someone the first thing that would be done is the end of that relationship. Having sex at that age is so ridiculous I don't even know where to start.

Take a step back and think really hard before something happens that changes your life drastically.


....and then your 15 year old would see the boy anyway and would not be on birth control or other such things despite you. Teenagers are tricky beasts. Unless you lock them up 24/7 and don't allow them out of your site they will find a way. Last year a boy and a girl were caught having sex in the restroom of the school.

[Horseaholic]

I don't think jtm ever asked for advice regarding becoming sexually active. She's a smart girl. Has a good head on her shoulders and made a personal decision. She came to us for advice on the pain she was experiencing.

Soooo many people treat sex like its this terrible forbidden act when it isn't if you're educated and practice safely.

Teen pregnancy isn't a walk in the park. I've seen it first hand. I think JTM is well aware that if she doesn't practice safe sex she can end up with a STD or a baby.

[AUEquine]

Teen pregnancy isn't a walk in the park. I've seen it first hand. I think JTM is well aware that if she doesn't practice safe sex she can end up with a STD or a baby.

The problem is you can practice safe sex, and those things can still happen! Are you ready to give up the rest of your life for a few minutes of fun? I can't tell you how many friends of mine have kids who were on birth control and using condoms! And a baby can be the best result. What happens if you get herpes? There's no cure. Then any guy you meet in the future, you'll have to explain that to him before the relationship goes to far (or at least you should if your a decent human being).

I do feel ready. We talked about it alot before and he said he'd wait forever if that was what I wanted. I can assure you there's zero pressure for us to do it again until we both want to.. whenever that may be.

Your not! Plain and simple! Sorry it's harsh, and I know teenages won't listen, but it's true!
However, I do completely understand you not wanting to tell your mother. Shoot, I've never talked about sex with my mom. I'm sure she's choosing to believe that my first time was a few months ago when I got married! I was fairly lucky and had to go on birth control at the age of 14 or 15 (for acne, had to be on it for Acutain, but ended up the bc did the trick on it's own). However, I didn't take that as my chance to start having sex. I had too much to lose: volleyball, horses, college, life. I was 19 when I finally did... still to young! And it's like potato chips... once you start it's hard to stop! So you need to sit down now, with this fear and think hard. Is this something you want to continue? There's nothing wrong with being 'the everything but...' girlfriend! There's alot more at stake than you think.

[WashingtonBay]

If there's anyone who looks back and really thinks teen sex was a good idea, particularly at 15.... I've never met them.

Sex, and all these hormones that make us want it, exist for one reason... to make babies. That we treat it as a form of recreation doesn't change that, and nature has a cunning way of foiling our plans for foiling her.

Do you want to have all these fears every month, is it really worth all that? Are you really ready for the implications? good question AU... Wasn't life a lot simpler last month? Good question to consider :)

[Sundays Man]

If there's anyone who looks back and really thinks teen sex was a good idea, particularly at 15.... I've never met them.

Sex, and all these hormones that make us want it, exist for one reason... to make babies. That we treat it as a form of recreation doesn't change that, and nature has a cunning way of foiling our plans for foiling her.

Do you want to have all these fears every month, is it really worth all that? Are you really ready for the implications? good question AU... Wasn't life a lot simpler last month? Good question to consider :)

WB, I'm always amazed at how you find a way to verbalize things in such a clear and understandable manner. You are right, whether it be man or woman, the outcome of premarital sex has life long implications that will have immediate and far reaching effects beyond our wildest imaginations while we are yet young. Well said.

[Horseaholic]

I'm not saying sex at 15 is a good idea. I'm saying the last thing this young girl needs is everyone making her feel bad about a decision she made. It's already made...she didn't ask anyone if she should be sexually active and everyone saying it was a bad decision isn't going to make her feel good about herself.

AUEquine- if you can't count how many of your friends had kids on BC and using condoms and still got pregnant someone one wasn't doing something right or they were being dishonest. The chances of getting pregnant using both methods correctly at the same time are very slim - for every 1,000 times you have sex with the margin of error 1 of those times is like having unprotected sex...I don't even think I've had sex 1,000 times and I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years.

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

WB, I'm always amazed at how you find a way to verbalize things in such a clear and understandable manner. ....

[sigh] It's like that all the time. She got the smart part in the family. I'm still not sure what I got. :)

[AUEquine]

AUEquine- if you can't count how many of your friends had kids on BC and using condoms and still got pregnant someone one wasn't doing something right or they were being dishonest. The chances of getting pregnant using both methods correctly at the same time are very slim - for every 1,000 times you have sex with the margin of error 1 of those times is like having unprotected sex...I don't even think I've had sex 1,000 times and I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years.

Find me those stats in references to teens!
The problem begins with irresponsibility, and not always intentional. The majority of teenagers on birth control (and a good percentage of adults too) do not take the pill properly. Taking it at random times of the day, missing days, etc. weakens it's effectivness to prevent pregnancy. In addition, the condoms that most teens have access too are usually cheap or older. I know first hand about the fragility of condoms, especialy if they've been exposed to stress (like say a wallet for many months or years). I don't about this from sex, we use condoms for alot of things at work. And they are the cheap ones... they don't hold up worth a crap! I break half of them just getting them out of the pack with my fingernail.

Bottom line, there's no such thing as safe sex!!!!

[WashingtonBay]

I'm not saying sex at 15 is a good idea. I'm saying the last thing this young girl needs is everyone making her feel bad about a decision she made. It's already made...she didn't ask anyone if she should be sexually active and everyone saying it was a bad decision isn't going to make her feel good about herself.


Very true Horseaholic and I don't mean to make her feel bad about it, or herself.

Jump, it's just that for all the reasons why, which we don't need to tell you about, there are also good reasons why not that you need to keep in mind going forward. There will be lots of impulses and intense moments ahead that tend to push the reasons why not out of your mind at the moment you need them.... We know this, because we've been there. We're trying to be there for you, these nagging voices from the forum, there, with you and your boyfriend on a friday night saying.... "maybe we should just watch a movie instead, this is too much to deal with right now".

Jump, this isn't the end of the world, in fact... You're at least as good a kid, or better, than many of us who did the same thing and are lecturing you now about being careful, believe me on that :)

Just sayin. :)

[WashingtonBay]

[sigh] It's like that all the time. She got the smart part in the family. I'm still not sure what I got. :)

Now you KNOW that's not true :)

Thanks you guys. :cool:

[natisha]

[QUOTE=GrungeEquestrian;270112] a hormone is released during intercourse that bonds you to that person. QUOTE] I know for a fact that that isn't true :innocent:

[Palogal]

lol@natisha

JTM- if you are okay with this decision then it's not for us to judge, really it isn't anyway. Adult decisions take adult consequences- be prepared for those. A pregnancy scare was not something I could have handled at 15. Hell, I couldn't handle it at 27 but I did. Be smart, be careful and be yourself.

[palomino]

[QUOTE=GrungeEquestrian;270112] a hormone is released during intercourse that bonds you to that person. QUOTE] I know for a fact that that isn't true :innocent:

quoted for truth....;)

[vicklynn]

You're at least as good a kid, or better, than many of us who did the same thing and are lecturing you now about being careful, believe me on that :)



I only wish I had talked to my mom after my first sexual experience, then maybe Id of gotten some help or advice, councilors, ect. I was a virgin at 15 and people around me didnt like it, so they let a girls boyfriend rape me as they(my "Friends") walked out the front door. IF Id of talked with my mom maybe he would of went to jail. I was way to scared to do anything when there were 4 who knew about it who would of lied and Id of gotten beat up ALL the time over it. You wanna talk scared, try that on.
With what your going through is a walk in the park. Why I could say, talk to your mom.

[Horseaholic]

Find me those stats in references to teens!
The problem begins with irresponsibility, and not always intentional. The majority of teenagers on birth control (and a good percentage of adults too) do not take the pill properly. Taking it at random times of the day, missing days, etc. weakens it's effectiveness to prevent pregnancy. exactly what I said...something wasn't being done right In addition, the condoms that most teens have access too are usually cheap or older. I beg to differ- there is no age on purchasing condoms...I purchased them in HS...teens have easy access to new, undamaged condoms at any convenient store. I know first hand about the fragility of condoms, especialy if they've been exposed to stress (like say a wallet for many months or years)and if people would educate kids that this is not a safe condom...rather than simply only preaching abstinence maybe so many mistakes wouldn't take place...yea abstinence is the safest way, I'm not discrediting that... but if the decision has already been made lets at least make sure our youth know what's safe and what isn't. I don't about this from sex, we use condoms for alot of things at work. And they are the cheap ones... they don't hold up worth a crap! I break half of them just getting them out of the pack with my fingernail.

Bottom line, there's no such thing as safe sex!!!!

I put my response in bold. I don't want an argument here. I just don't want JTM feeling bad about herself and her first time 2 weeks after the fact.

[Horseaholic]

I only wish I had talked to my mom after my first sexual experience, then maybe Id of gotten some help or advice, councilors, ect. I was a virgin at 15 and people around me didnt like it, so they let a girls boyfriend rape me as they(my "Friends") walked out the front door. IF Id of talked with my mom maybe he would of went to jail. I was way to scared to do anything when there were 4 who knew about it who would of lied and Id of gotten beat up ALL the time over it. You wanna talk scared, try that on.
With what your going through is a walk in the park. Why I could say, talk to your mom.

Vick- In most...if not all states (I'm not sure where this took place) there is no statue of limitations on rape. I wouldn't let this guy live his life care free of the horrendous act he did.

I'm sorry that happened. I don't think there is anything more precious to be stolen...it's not only your virginity they take.

[vicklynn]

Ya well, Im 48, 49 in a couple weeks. Im sure there would be NO case now.
That is beside the point.
The point is, there are worse things that can happen to tell your mom about, and repercussions from other people that are not family.

[natisha]

I only wish I had talked to my mom after my first sexual experience, then maybe Id of gotten some help or advice, councilors, ect. I was a virgin at 15 and people around me didnt like it, so they let a girls boyfriend rape me as they(my "Friends") walked out the front door. IF Id of talked with my mom maybe he would of went to jail. I was way to scared to do anything when there were 4 who knew about it who would of lied and Id of gotten beat up ALL the time over it. You wanna talk scared, try that on.
With what your going through is a walk in the park. Why I could say, talk to your mom. Dang, Vick, where TH did you live? That's horrible. Also it was not your first experience with sex. More like your first experience with violence, torture & cruelty. There's a special place being heated up for all involved that day.
The fact that you became the loving, caring person that you did shows the true strength of your character.

You may not want to dredge that all up again but it would be fitting to give that guy his due.

[gaited07]

All I'm going to suggest is that you speak to your mother about adulthood and that you are wanting to know more about relationships and sexual activity (at the right moment for that delivery/shock)
Once you open up the communication with your mother (or father) there would be a better understanding and the sign of maturity. But don't get me wrong about my comment on maturity, at 15 years old is still TOO young for sexual activity but that is My Opinion.
Parents only want what is best for their children, we are not mean beasts who want to destroy our kids lives LOL but to protect our kids from harms way and guide them to a success happy future:).
Take the time to speak to them.

[vicklynn]

Ya ok, its my past, I would like to stay there.
Please lets not change the thread title. Its NOT about me.
Screw him, I dont even remember his name other than David or Brian, something like that.
He is history in my life, not part of it.
I was giving the OP a story of what could be worse to tell your mom.
I only wish I could talk to my mom about sex, or even life, yet she is dead, died when I was 20.
Talk with your mom while she is alive. So many stories, good and bad that we never had a chance to have, and should of.

[gaited07]

Oh my GOOD GOD VL. That is just horrible. God Bless you for your strength.

[oursarge]

Oh Vicky, I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say. You are managing better than I would, I'd probably want him hung and I can tell you he'd never forget the words Loreena Bobbit. I can understand why you were afraid to tell, I had something happen when I was older, nothing even as close or as horrific as you but something that just shocked the life out of me because it was a trusted family member and I didn't know what to do and couldn't believe it happened. I knew nobody would believe me [although I want to ask my cousin about it but I'm sure she'd tell her mother who would tell mine [my mother would never believe it] so I've never said anything] but I did handle it because I said I'd scream the house down if it ever happened again and I was never in a room alone with him again and he died a year later. I just told my husband a few yrs ago. I am not violent for the most part but what you said and when people abuse anyone or animals I truly believe I could be very violent and when he died I didn't even feel sorry about it, I probably should have but I didn't. I am so sorry for what you went through. With all the things that have happened to you it's so good you have turned into the caring and nice person you have turned into. It would have been the opposite for so many but you have more compassion for others I think because of what has happened to you.

I also know no form of BC is 100% except not doing it which is not preaching, just saying....my cousin's daughter was on the pill and SURPRISE a baby came along. Alot of people don't know and I didn't when I was taking it that some medications like certain anti biotics can cancel out the pill. That's how their baby came along she was on anti biotics, they also used a 2nd form of BC and I guess that failed too, she was in total denial because she was totally sure this could not happen and would not believe it, she didn't believe it until she gave birth. Things happen. I also know of a married couple who had 4 kids and didn't want any more. He went and got himself fixed and SURPRISE, they had another baby then ANOTHER. He went back in to get refixed after that, It wasn't done right I guess or he didn't follow up with after treatment to see if he really was fixed but people think when they are fixed it can't happen. In this case it happened twice. I don't know why they didn't check things out after the first baby after the fix. They aren't the brightest stars in the sky.

I agree with what WB [She is smart and I think brother got smarts too!!!] said above about thinking of watching a movie or something else. If you stress out every time this happens with your boyfriend you are going to be a basket case when you are older. It is stressful for alot of girls but even being married I stressed every month because I truly did not want kids but was too scared for surgery and my man was too. Now my eggs are powdered and I don't have to worry but I know the every month worry but at least I was an adult I just didn't want kids but you are so young to have that worry. You should be enjoying these years, they go too fast.

Nobody is judging but you came here upset and everyone who has been through it is just trying to help and if waiting helps then wait. If you think you can handle the stress then move forward but be prepared if something happens. Good Luck.

[lovesfortune]

Just to put it out there... I know at least 3 people that took their pills religiously at the same time every day and still ended up pregnant. It's not 100%. Every time you have sex you take a risk, whether it be 1% chance or 90% chance that you'll get pregnant.

[ownedby7horses]

JTM, no use beating a dead horse, what's done is done. That being said, I agree with the person who said that just because you did it once doesn't mean you have to do it again for a very long time. I waited til I was 17 before I had my first experience and the man I had it with is now my husband. I can tell you though, he was the exception to the rule. Most teen relationships aren't forever, I'm not saying that you & your boyfriend are going to break up or that teen love doesn't turn into a loving marriage, but that's the exception not the rule.

I do care about your well-being and your health. Kudos to you & your boyfriend for using a condom too. I do think you need to be very careful and be fully willing to accept that you could still get pregnant or contract an STD even if you do use protection. If you can answer that honestly and are ok with that, then the best thing for you to do (in my opinion) is get on BC. I got pregnant at 18 years old and married that same year and although I love my kids so so so much, I do wish that I wouldn't have gotten preggers when I did. There was so much I still wanted to do with my life that, at age 29, I am still not able to do because I have kids at home who need me and they come first in my life. Everything I wanted to do went out the window and if I'm lucky I'll get to do them in my 40's or 50's when my kids move out!! Are you ready to give up your life if you become pregnant? I can tell you from my experience, my horses took a back seat for a long time because I had no one to watch my kids while I rode. Hubby had to take a job on the rigs and was gone for a month or more at a time to make money for us to live. Having a baby isn't just chocolate and roses, I'm sure you assume that, but until you're put in that position, you don't fully understand the committment and the time and the finances!!

All my opinions aside, you are ultimately going to do what you are going to do. If you continue to go down this road please get on BC and also use condoms EVERY SINGLE TIME, NO EXCEPTIONS and be careful.

[Jump The Moon]

Thank you everybody for your advice.
I knew when I posted this I was going to be in for some i don't know, lectures I suppose.
I knew alot of people wouldn't be happy about our ages.
But that is our choice, that we have made. I do appreciate your opinions, I do understand them and take on board your warnings fully. I thank you for your advice, it's comming from people I trust and understand have alot more life experience than I do. I really do want to thank you for being here for me at this time.

VL, I am so sorry you had to endure that torture. That should not happen to anybody. Nobody. I am really sorry you suffered like that, I really am.

Honestly, I don't regret it. (I know this will also probably be commented on, but I know my mind and my heart) I love him and he loves me. I know we're young, but we're both sensible, intelligent people. We didn't just go into this in the 'heat of the moment'. We made our own decisions. I'm sorry if some of you don't like that, but we have chosen for ourselves and I don't regret my choice.

Thank you all for being here for me and offering me advice and comfort. I really do appreciate it all. Thank you :) I'll let you know, I'll keep you posted, I'll keep checking this thread :)

[WashingtonBay]

I'm glad you're in love and don't regret it! There isn't anyone here who wants you to think it was a huge mistake, either now or years from now, believe that. :)

We're all happy to be here for ya... even with all the obligatory lectures and warnings... It's what we're supposed to do.

[palomino]

There is no feeling like being a teenager in love JTM- its a special feeling, and one you dont usually get as an adult with responsibilities and the such.
I think you have a level head from what I read that you post, we all just dont want to see you hurt, by a decision or a consequence.
Thats why we are all going totally MOM on you LMAO.

[ownedby7horses]

JTM, we all know it was your guys' decision to have sex and I can respect that. I know each individual person does what they do and nobody can force them to think or believe a certain way. I do (honestly) think you are way to young, but if you choose to "do it" then I have to respect your decision. I just hope you realize that accidents happen, even if you are cautious.

That being said, I believe there are no "mistakes" in life, only detours. With each decision (good or bad) there are consequences and once it's done, it's done...so why call it a mistake, call it a life lesson!! I am glad that you don't regret your decision. I respect you & your choice so there ya go! Please Please Please be careful though. One "detour" can change your life....FOREVER.

ETA: My mothering side is a very strong instinct! My first thought when I read this is "what are you doing? You're too young!" But reality prevailed and I remembered being a teenager again! ;)

[luv2show]

Rach,
It's your decision to have sex & we all respect that. I'm glad you don't regret it! My first time I totally regretted it and stressed myself out, just as I think you're doing right now. I was on the pill and we used a condom yet I was soooo scared of getting pregnant too. Just try not to think about it or over think things because YOU will make yourself late. That's what I did to myself .. which I didn't think was possible since I was on the pill, but yep, apparently it is. If you are allowed to go to the doctors by yourself, go. You need to tell her that you're sexually active anyways so you can start having pap tests and other fun things lol. You also might want to go there to get birth control as well and even just to have someone to talk to, since you don't want to talk to your parents. That will relieve some stress as well :). I do encourage you to talk to your parents about this though. As much as you think they will be mad at you, they'll also be proud that you came to them to ask for help or talk to them about your life.

Shoot me a PM if you want! I'll be here to talk :)

[Country Girl 43]

JTM.... RELAX!! Take a deep breath. I was 15 too. ;)

If you are truely in love, take the time to "enjoy" that first moment. Try not to stress. There will be MANY "firsts" in your life.

I did not read all of the responses here, but I am assuming any negative, protective reponses are from the now moms. :) It's only natural. ;) But.... many of us have to look back to when we were teenagers. Life was complicated back then. Especially when human emotions and maturing come into play.

As parents we tend to forget how we felt back then and only want to protect our little girls. You know, no matter how old you are, you will always be your parents "little girl". As I bring up my little girl, I cringe at the thought of when she becomes a teenager. All the emotions, the first loves, the girlfriend secrets and so on. If my daughter is anything like I was, I am in for a LONG road. :innocent: But I will try to protect her as well as I can.

You will know when the right time is to tell your mom. Right now, just RELAX. Talk with your boyfriend and your girlfriends. Take a deep breath, know that we are all here and hopefully give you the strength to finally talk with your mom when it's right.

Like someone else mentioned..... start a small conversation with her about sex. Ask her how SHE feels? When did she get active? Eventually she will figure it out with out you having to even tell her out right, if she hasn't already. Mom's usually know a lot more than we give them credit for. ;)

[vicklynn]

I'm glad you're in love and don't regret it! There isn't anyone here who wants you to think it was a huge mistake, either now or years from now, believe that. :)

We're all happy to be here for ya... even with all the obligatory lectures and warnings... It's what we're supposed to do.
Ditto

[Jump The Moon]

Thank you everyone, really your advice is really comforting and useful.
I hope I didn't sound upset/annoyed in my last post.. I completely understand that you all want what's best for me, 'mum mode' and all :) Thinking about it, if I was a mum I'd be thinking the same as you probably.. until I realised how I felt as a teenager I guess. Really, thank you for all the support and advice. It really is so helpful. :)

[vicklynn]

Your so welcome:)
Most of us are moms(mums)and remember being a teen.
I remember my sons teen days and because of what I went through, I was very open with him about things.
Being a boy, he kept some of it to himself, but knew he could come to me with anything, no matter the out come. He knew Id blow at somethings, but he also knew Id get over it. The love of our children runs deeper than ANYTHING.

[Beausgirl]

JTM - I too was 15 my first time. Unlike you - I felt pressured into it, HATED the guy almost immediately afterwards, (during!) AND believed for a few weeks afterward that I was pregnant. So - to a point - I do understand how you are feeling. I don't believe that the pains you are experiencing now are because you are pregnant. It's far too early for any symptoms. I do believe you could purchase a pregnancey test from the drug store (pharmacy!) which would give you a pretty accurate reading. Supposedly - there are tests which will tell you within a day now. In any case - as for telling your mum - you bet it is your decision. As a mum myself - I would certainly hope that my child would tell me if she were pregnant or if "he" had gotten someone pregnant. Because for a mum -worse than being a perspective grandmother at that age would be knowing that my child had endured that pressure alone. So - I understand you don't want to jump into the fire just yet - especially if you are NOT pregnant. Also if your mum had to be impregnated in-vitro - I don't know what the stats are for hereditary problems like that. Might be worth investigating - for later reference if nothing else! Now I'll tell you a short story too! My son went through a rough time this past summer because of a young girl who accused him of getting her pregnant. My son is 17. She was 14 at the time. Truth is - they did not even have intercourse, but she and her friends convinced him with a slew of ridiculous stories that she could get, and indeed was pregnant, and, in his ignorance, he came to believe them. Cut to the chase - she was not pregnant, she was lying about everything, but by the time we found out about it all, he had already suffered two weeks of believing that his life, as he knew it and as he had dreamt it would be, was over. He tried to "deal with it" himslef. Had he spoken to us in the beginning, we could have helped him and explained that all her stories "proving" that she was pregnant, were completely ridiculous. Moral - don't leave your mum out of this. Let her help you if it turns out you need help.
My advice to you at this point - have a hot bath, relax about it all, because the stress of worrying can also make you "late". And take the test if you can find one that is accurate in the early stages. I'm sorry you're going through this. If nothing else - you'll be much more prepared the next time...right??:)

[Jump The Moon]

Just a quick to let you know update, my period has come.. yay! :D

[WashingtonBay]

:happydance:

[SedonaThunder]

:clap::clap::clap::clap:

[oursarge]

That's so great!!!!

[outriding01]

Whew... now if only mine would come... :eek:

....and then your 15 year old would see the boy anyway and would not be on birth control or other such things despite you. Teenagers are tricky beasts. Unless you lock them up 24/7 and don't allow them out of your site they will find a way. Last year a boy and a girl were caught having sex in the restroom of the school.

::raises hand ashamedly:: This was me in HS, but NOT in the bathroom. Yuck. My parents tried to keep me from seeing my boyfriend yet we still managed to see each other and have sex at least 3 or 4 times a week. Teenagers really are tricky, it was almost too easy. I'm just glad that before I even made the decision, my mom had already had the talk with me and explained safe practices. I can't believe how ignorant some teens are now a days. My little sister actually thought putting two condoms on made it safer than just one!!!!! Who is telling kids this stuff?

I do think sex is different for everyone though. My mom told me she had sex for the first time she regretted it and it created a bond with that person so on and so forth. That's the kind of person she is. For me, it wasn't as huge of a deal as she made it out to be. It was special because I was in love, but it wasn't life-altering and I have never regretted it a single time, even through several pregnancy scares. My boyfriend at the time was actually planning on waiting for marriage and I wasn't too happy with that. We eventually made the decision together after discussing it and making sure we were ready. My first time was a great experience and I'm glad I did it with someone I loved and was completely comfortable with. I really can't think of a better way.

I too personally think 15 would have been too young for me, and is a little young period, but like Vick pointed out, there are much worse ways. If they love each other and are comfortable and confident they're making good decisions, there's not much more you can do. Just please be careful and make sure you talk about and are both agreed on what you would do in case of any accidents. If you can't agree on a plan or can't handle it, then just wait to do it again until you can. But you're probably smart enough to figure that one out on your own ;).

Anyways, I think it's great that JTM got so much great advice from so many caring people. And also thanks to WB for allowing this topic to be discussed, and for everyone being so open and mature about it. Truly one of the reasons I love this place.

[palomino]

Im happy for you JTM! Just keep on being safe.

[GrungeEquestrian]

:banana:

[vicklynn]

I knew it was. Sounded like PMS to me!!! Wohooo

[Beausgirl]

That's great JTM! What A relief, hey?? I hope now though, that you will remember how scared and worried you felt and make sure that you are both emotionally and physically more prepared the next time you decide to have sex. (Think about talking to your mom, or an aunt or some other adult who is close to you about this, o.k? Take care of "you"!)

[Jump The Moon]

Really, a HUGE thank you to everyone :)
HUGE :D

[dame_wolf]

:clap::banana::happydance::cheers:

[Palogal]

We need a PMS smiley....:whack: <---- that one works I guess.

Glad it worked out JTM!

[RayLa]

vicklynn; thats absolutly horrible...omg it makes me sick =/ i hear a lot of stories about that...living in not the best neighborhood (Paul Bernardo and Carla Halmoka actually lived here- creepy!)

Rach; mmkai so I'm going to give me two cence. So you and I are the same age- however I've never had a boyfriend, ive rarely "liked" a guy, and Ive never been in love with one, so i cant actually speak about it much...
Honestly, I respect you...personally I would NEVER imagine having sex at 15...but like you siad you guys made the mature decision and talked it out, so im happy your wearnt pressured or anything. And im not trying to sound negitive at all..i just really hope he really loves you, cause I know I would feel it myself, just knowing you if something happened to your relationship.
Basically, I personally..am a little scared of sex i mean..just its such a huge deal, but im happy when you decided it was maturely. And im really happy you guys were smart and safe, and you should probably just talk to your mom about..not being like "IM GUNNA GO AHVE SEX NOW" but just talk to her like..about going on BC just incase naything ever happened to you, if shes worried you can say you just want to be careful, incase you ever got into a bad descision, or situation (rape dare i think it.)
BASICALLY, im just happy you guys were safe, and ok, although im not crazy about sex at 15, im happy your sure about it! Its not my life to judge :) Im just very glad your ok..im on msn like 24-7 so feel free to talk anytime :)xxx

[RayLa]

ps. I know the reason we are celebrating jtms period. however think of it... were like "YAY HER PERIOD CAME WOOHOO!" I guess this is the only time in life pepole are happy to get it lmfao..if you get what im saying ;)

[dame_wolf]

I do! I've had 2 scares in the last year! Only times I've ever been happy to see it come!

[Jump The Moon]

I know xDD
My best friend knew about all this, in the corridor on the way to german I told her. She jumped on me hugging me squealing "OMG this is SO great rach, SO great:D:D" The teacher gave us a weird look like huh? But we weren't gonna explain xD I always dread my period, but right now I've never felt happier to have it :)

[RayLa]

lmfao, thats how i am...im ok once i get my period, but i am always like, oh i better not hang out this day incase i get it cause ill be int he washroom 24-7 xD
like i always end up cancelling plans cause im worried about it

[PaintedDreamer_0110]

I haven't read the whole thread but I am here for you too JTM. Honestly I'd say talk to your mom. You'd be surprised at how well they will take it. I talked to my mom long before I lost my virginity and after. I was only 16...She helped me get on BC becasue she wanted me safe and I don't want kids for a long time..Trust me it is really easy to take and make a schedule out of it. I keep it in my purse and take it at 7 every night becasue I have an alarm set on my phone to go off at the time. It is effective if you take it on time and don't skip pills. It takes a lot of responcibility just like making the decision to have sex in the first place. I honestly havn't used condoms for a really long time becasue I had the same partner and we were comitted to each other.

I know you care about this boy and I dont want to scare you but they can change there minds, ok? My ex boyfriend and I were made for each other it seemed, we were together for two and a half long years. We broke up about a month ago becasue he needs to "find himself" and "doesnt want a girlfriend right now" he wants to "take a break" So I"m having fun for the time being and honstly I don't know if I will take him back if he comes around because I have been able to find alittle bit of me again.

Anyways I just want you to be safe, ok? I'm 18 now and staying on the pill becasue you never know what can happen. You have to be smart and think with your head, not your hormones. I know you probubly think I'm nuts but just think about this coming from someone who has been there and been hurt, boys will and do change there minds. I know I know I thought my ex would be different too but in the end he really wasnt. I still care about him with all my heart and I always will, he was my frist love and I look back now at the memories we had and I smile...Once you give someone that peice of you, you don't get it back so just please be smart...Make sure you have a safe reliable contraceptive.......

Eta-Glad you finally got your period! That is great news :D:happydance:

[DashMyBoy!]

Ladies ( and gents) let us remember too, that birth control is just that - hopefully to stop pregnancy. While a condom may be BC, it's primary mission should be to prevent disease. STD's abound. The big bad scary AIDS is still out there too. Won't do you much good to not get pregnant, but become HIV positive.

When/how and with whom you have sex is a very personal decision. When, how, and with whom is should ALWAYS be your own decision.