HeartofSteel
11-03-2008, 10:54 AM
57 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.
5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
6. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
7. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.
8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.
9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".
10. Play with the automatic doors.
11. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen
you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.
12. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?"
13. Repeat Number 12 in the jewelry department.
14. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a "test drive."
15. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
16. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.
17. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
18. Put M&M's on layaway.
19. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
20. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
21. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.
22. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
23. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
24. TP as much of the store as possible.
25. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
26. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
27. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
28. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here?"
29. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
30. Take bets on the battle described above.
31. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
32. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission: Impossible."
33. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
34. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?"
35. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
36. Two words: "Marco Polo."
37. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.
38. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
39. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those
voices again!"
40. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
41. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.
42. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your
head and walk around the store casually.
43. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
44. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.
45. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act
as spastic as possible.
46. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
47. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was
the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!!
Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat..
48. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
49. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to
people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
50. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".
51. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
52. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all
your friends seem to have a rash too.
53. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
store.
54. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just
stay mesmerized.
55. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get
paid enough to do this"
56. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
57. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
my mommy?"
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.
4. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the
spray air fresheners.
5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
6. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
7. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW,
especially thin narrow aisles.
8. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I
think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what
happens.
9. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off
and turn the volumes to "10".
10. Play with the automatic doors.
11. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen
you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid
embarrassment.
12. While walking through the clothing department, ask
yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?"
13. Repeat Number 12 in the jewelry department.
14. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're
taking it for a "test drive."
15. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about
five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
16. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store
as your playing field.
17. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
18. Put M&M's on layaway.
19. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
20. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
21. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.
22. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
23. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying,"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"
24. TP as much of the store as possible.
25. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
26. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
27. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
28. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired
employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any
Shnerples here?"
29. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
30. Take bets on the battle described above.
31. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
32. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from
"Mission: Impossible."
33. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
34. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?"
35. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
36. Two words: "Marco Polo."
37. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet
food aisle, etc.
38. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
39. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker,
assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those
voices again!"
40. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
41. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and
relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain
that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little
umbrella in it.
42. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your
head and walk around the store casually.
43. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
44. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror
while you pick your nose.
45. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly
ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act
as spastic as possible.
46. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and
begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
47. In the food aisle, pretend like there's a little bug, slowly
move your head to the right, then swing your head to the left
as if your trying to follow it. Slowly lower your head to the
ground, then start spinning around in circles stomping like
crazy. Then finally yell out "Yes!!! I got it!!! Wow, that was
the biggest Cockrouch I've ever seen, i think it was pregnant!!!
Hey look, there's another one!!!" Then Repeat..
48. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat.
Meow when people walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.
49. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a
prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to
people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.
50. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".
51. Start pocketing any and all free samples.
52. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people
asking where the rash cream is because your family and all
your friends seem to have a rash too.
53. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the
store.
54. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while,
start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just
stay mesmerized.
55. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a
mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as
possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your
watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get
paid enough to do this"
56. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.
57. Act like your about to cry and ask people "Have you seen
my mommy?"
BONUS* Attempt all of the above during the same visit.