need friend advice...

[WP~Paint]

first i should accept i konda ditched her, my boyfriends cousins band was playing, but i did ask her if she minded and shes like no, go see him and acted almost happy for me. well i said friday id be over after i went and worked my horse. i woke up friday and didnt feel the best and ended up at the barn until 9. i told her i was beat and wanted to go home, she was kind of upset, but i hadnt planned on working as hard as i did. she then brings up that since i got a boyfriend, i ditch her...i told her that before school started id be busy and i told her the other night ive been busy and now im working to show, something ive always wanted. i see him on friday and saturday. she also has two kids and i think she is jealous ill go out and she cant. i dont see how that is my fault. she wants me to be over all the time and i cant. she will get mad if im down at my boyfriends house and he lives about an hour and a half away and i dont come home to go out. mind you, im in college and dont have a ton of money to blow on alcohol and i dont drink much anyway. she also tells me the other day she stole a couple tank tops. then she shows me anothef bag full of clothes she bought. she now has a car pmt because of a winter wreck and cant buy clothes so we steal...sooo wrong. her fiance pays the bills, buys food, she takes care of the kids. my boyfriend said to not hang out with a theif. am i wrong for wanting to not be friends. im so confusex, i dont see living my life and if doesnt exactly match up to hers as wrong. if you read all of this, thank you and go get a Dairy Queen, you sure do deserve it!

[CaddoCinnamon]

I most definitely would not be friends. She is headed down a bad path and if you hang out most likely she will bring you down to her level. I would talk to her and say look you have your life and I have mine. Let her know that you don't appreciate her stealing that will just teach her kids that stealing is alright. I would talk to her face to face not over the phone. JUst tell her that if she keeps doing this than there is no way you all can be friends.

[WP~Paint]

shoot, im so bad in person, i clam up, i hate being mean. i just want to do things right. it hit me when my man said i dont want you being friends with a theif, that shes no good. he is the boyfriend that who im friends with doesn't matter, he just wants me to be happy, so it kinda kicked me into gear. even my mom is like she is immature.

[WashingtonBay]

Sometimes friends change as life changes... It's just the way it is.

I actually had a similar blowout with a friend a couple years ago now, with a friend I'd known since we were little. We're both married now, with lives of our own and she has a child, but when she wanted to go out she didn't want to take no for an answer.

You have to find a way to maintain the friendships you want to keep in life, but with some of these high maintenance people, there's just no making them happy, and it's not your job to try. I've got a few real good friends who I may not see for months at a time. We're busy now, it happens. When we talk, we try our best to catch up. That's life.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

i told her i was beat and wanted to go home, she was kind of upset....she then brings up that since i got a boyfriend, i ditch her... i think she is jealous ill go out and she cant.....she wants me to be over all the time and i cant..... she will get mad if im down at my boyfriends house.....she also tells me the other day she stole a couple tank tops.....cant buy clothes so we steal...sooo wrong....my boyfriend said to not hang out with a theif....am i wrong for wanting to not be friends? im so confusex,

I took out all of your reasons why you are so busy and can't be with her all the time. See any red flags? Now look at how this all makes you feel. Friendship is not that way, you should not be miserable or guilty about your life or bf. She is a bully and difficult at best. Stop communicating with her, she'll call you and you can simply say, "I'm too busy", and if she tries brow beating you, "hey, I got to go, bye".

Listen to your intuition, it is telling you the right thing, you just don't know how to get out and she will capitalize on that. Cut it short and cut her out.

[dame_wolf]

I've had friends like that and WB is right. Friendships grow and evolve and sometimes go away...

If she is starting to shoplift then you have to realize that when she gets caught it may just be the day you are with her. A person that has resorted to stealing is not above putting something in your bag so they can take more and you don't want to get caught up in that mess!

[dame_wolf]

I took out all of your reasons why you are so busy and can't be with her all the time. See any red flags? Now look at how this all makes you feel. Friendship is not that way, you should not be miserable or guilty about your life or bf. She is a bully and difficult at best. Stop communicating with her, she'll call you and you can simply say, "I'm too busy", and if she tries brow beating you, "hey, I got to go, bye".

Listen to your intuition, it is telling you the right thing, you just don't know how to get out and she will capitalize on that. Cut it short and cut her out.

Well said cowgirl! Good advice WP~Paint!!!

[vicklynn]

I agree with what the others have said.

[mare]

I agree with everyone, too.

[WP~Paint]

Yah, I'm pretty sure I'm just going to drop her slowly...I lost another friend about 6 months ago...but she emailed once saying she heard I said she hated my boyfriend which I never did and she wouldn't tell me who said it...so I'm guessing dropping her was a good thing. I tried to talk to her on facebook and she said I dropped plans and stuff. She was the rude one, I was trying to be nice...she was mad because I didn't go to her grandma's visitation, which i didnt know, we hadn't talked much, and I had went to see about a job with horses and didn't have time to shower and clean up a bit, but no one ever asked, she went about putting how disrespectful people are on her facebook status instead of talking to me...my boyfriend and I broke up for a night, bad night, lol, and she messaged him asking if I was having a bit**y moment or something like that...I guess I made the right choice on dropping her also. I have friends from high school that we don't hang out much as we've gotten into college, but were still good friends, I guess I need more like that lol. I guess I feel kinda down because I have lost two friends that I thought were good, but both have so many flaws...I will graduate in a year and plan on moving, so I plan on starting fresh and make new friends! Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it!

[WP~Paint]

Friendly bump, anyone else have advice?

[Fork]

What a drama queen. :rolleyes:

I had a really good friend last semester. Sweetest girl. Always talked to you, offered to help out, etc. This semester, she's the polar opposite of she was. Her boyfriend dumped her and she feels as if no one cares about her anymore. A few weeks ago, she text my friend. She said, "Ohhh I'm sorry I haven't been in class for the past few weeks. I got into a terrible car accident and I was on the insurance company for weeks and weeks and they won't fix my car, etc. I'm so broke. I'm so sad and lonely. I don't know what to do. No one likes me anymore. Why don't I just quit at life now." I talked to her roommate later who said that she backed into someone at 4:00 in the morning on a quiet street. She came to class shortly after she talked about the accident. My friend and I went out to asses the damage aaand...

There wasn't a chip of paint off of her bumper. :huh: Funny how fast everything just worked itself out!
[Apparently there was no damage to her car, but she did a lot of damage on the other one!]

Today, she sends a crazy text to my friend once again. She says, "What did we do in class today?"

My friend was confused. Why would she care what we did in class today if she hasn't been to class in over a month? My friend doesn't reply.

The same girl texts back saying that she was sorry she missed class, but she's been so depressed. She claims she had JUST locked herself out of her room somehow and couldn't get to class since her keys were in the room. I'm still trying to figure that one out because her door latch only works from the inside. It's not a self locking door. Then she texts some more saying that she'd spent the last 2 days on the couch. If she'd just locked the keys in her room, how could she have spent so long on the couch?

We're tired of it. :p

Anyway, my point is that people can change so fast. It's not worth hoping that she'll magically revert to the person she used to be. Move on with your life. Find someone who is willing to fit around your lifestyle and who will cooperate with your schedule. There's a chance that you've changed or she's changed and you no longer feel compatible. There's nothing wrong with that.

I really hope it all works out for you in the end.

[WP~Paint]

I hear ya! It all did kinda happen so fast. I, now, kinda wish I had said something about the stealing, but I was in shock and still kinda am. She hasn't text me since Monday, but I'm going to try to be nice, but I'm pretty much done with it all. I don't want those kind of people in my life.

[Fork]

I hear ya! It all did kinda happen so fast. I, now, kinda wish I had said something about the stealing, but I was in shock and still kinda am. She hasn't text me since Monday, but I'm going to try to be nice, but I'm pretty much done with it all. I don't want those kind of people in my life.I totally understand. :) I think it's responsible of you to not want to associate with someone who steals.

[WP~Paint]

I have text her and told her that I didn't appreciate her getting mad because my life is taking me different ways and I also told her that I normally don't associate with people who steal, that goes against eveything I have been taught. She said she felt bad for it and she promised herself she wouldn't do it again. Ugh, I just don't understand people sometimes.


ETA: I also told her I didn't appreciate her blaming me not being around so much on my boyfriend because I was busy...and I told her I probably won't be around much this summer because his grandma has a pool we can swim in for free and then they have a couple lakes down there..whew...sorry you guys have to listen to this, I need to vent somewhere and I hate bringing these girly problems up to my boyfriend, plus I need girly advice! lol...thanks so much guys for the help and advice! I really appreciate it!

[Fork]

I have text her and told her that I didn't appreciate her getting mad because my life is taking me different ways and I also told her that I normally don't associate with people who steal, that goes against eveything I have been taught. She said she felt bad for it and she promised herself she wouldn't do it again. Ugh, I just don't understand people sometimes.


ETA: I also told her I didn't appreciate her blaming me not being around so much on my boyfriend because I was busy...and I told her I probably won't be around much this summer because his grandma has a pool we can swim in for free and then they have a couple lakes down there..whew...sorry you guys have to listen to this, I need to vent somewhere and I hate bringing these girly problems up to my boyfriend, plus I need girly advice! lol...thanks so much guys for the help and advice! I really appreciate it!Good on you for saying something! It takes a lot of courage to stand up for something you believe in.

"Oh I won't steal again!" Sure, sure.

[WP~Paint]

I know right...I figure if she has done it once, she can do it again.

[Fork]

I know right...I figure if she has done it once, she can do it again.Does she have children, too? That's a terrible role model. :(

[WP~Paint]

yes she does, i believe going to be 2 and 5 or 6..not very good role modeling at all!

[WP~Paint]

so she text me last night and i was pretty much asleep and i didnt text back, well she kept texting. finally my boyfriend called, and she text her last text saying how i was her bff and she wants me to come over next week so we can talk. i blocked her number. she haf gotten mad im sure from earlier because i told her i wasnt going to the ymca this summer because i was starting to train my horse...she was like you cant spare one day, ive been slowly trying to drop her because i get made the bad person for living my life. was it wrong to just block her, if i talked to her it would just be her whining...i dont need this drama and stress. but i wonder if blocking her was wrong? should i talk to her?

[CaddoCinnamon]

You are right you don't need it and good for you to standing up for what you believe in.

[TheBadLands]

Do NOT Drop her slowly. Just drop her.

I have a friend I dropped recently and it became an almost stalker situation and said "friend" was VERY VERY Angry at me for a while. But has now tapered off. I had to stick to my guns.

[WP~Paint]

i did go ahead and text her and told her it pis**d ne off she got mad that my life doesnt revolve around her and i cant be over all the time and that i dont trust people who steal and i chose not to be around them...im done, im an adult and want to be treated like one! thank you guys sooo much for all the help and advice, i really appreciate it!

[TheBadLands]

Just be SURE you don't text, email NOTHING again. Or you're feeding her urge to keep contacting you.

[WP~Paint]

Oh I know! I'm not commenting to her on facebook or anything...I'm done!

[cowgirlup@idaho]

Congratulations! Feels good to hold those boundaries, doesn't it? Block her from every electronic mode of communication you have. :happydance:

[WP~Paint]

Ugh, I blocked her number, and it is still letting text messages come through, while they are funny and I am getting a kick out of her whining, I know kinda mean, I would appreciate if my cell phone would work correctly.

[lovesfortune]

Blocking is a great thing. It takes the urge away if they say something that really pushes your buttons because you don't get it and read it.

[WP~Paint]

Well I guess blocking calls and text messages is two totally different things...urgh, time to google on how to block text messages!

[WP~Paint]

im sticking to it...she keeps texting me and i refuse to respond. she text last night asking if the kids can see my horse still. sticking to my guns very well!

[cowgirlup@idaho]

Ah! Throwing in the guilt trip, using the kids as a backdoor. Good for you, don't fall for her manipulation and get that text-block thing started! :clap:

[WP~Paint]

Yah, she pretty much made me her main friend I think and I think that is why she was so clingy and now so upset. I don't know how to block text messages, but I have calls blocked from unknowns, and here numbers are out of my cell, so she can't call me. Now to find out how to block texts...

[WP~Paint]

Well guys, she has finally stopped texting me. I was out with my boyfriend this past weekend and it was kinda nice that she wasn't texting me non stop, complaining. I think I have proved I'm done with her!

[FoxFireEMT]

They are all right. I have been in and out of many crazy friendships. People change, including you. Some grow up, some never will. If your heart is telling you it's not right, it's not right. Best to get out now then later when your getting in trouble with her.