Wouldn't You Know It

[dame_wolf]

The ex just found out that J got hired on in Portland and her first words were "Make sure you take care of the child support. My boyfriend and I are moving into a brand new town house and we wont be able to afford it if you don't pay." Now I know that child support is supposed to help cover housing but what I don't get is where she is getting her figures from cause I know it doesn't take $1000+ to feed and house 2 kids every month. It certainly doesn't cost that much when they are here! Where does her check go? What about her boyfriends check cause he is living there too? She is a nurse and he is a prison guard, I know they both make a pretty decent wage!

[dame_wolf]

Oh I know where it goes... It's her hair appt every week, multiple daily trips to Starbucks, $350 car payment, going out to eat at least every other night with the boyfriend (kids eat at home, it's just them), shopping trips every week or so, and funding her drinking and drug habit!

I wish I was exaggerating but this has come directly from her. Except for the drinking and drugs which she denies ever doing but then why was she in an inpatient treatment center 3 times... And she says what she does with her check is her business, J has to support the kids monetarily cause she is raising them.

[WashingtonBay]

Not having ever had kids or an ex, I have frequently marveled at what guys (usually) are paying in child support. You're right, it doesn't cost that much every month... and the idea that the mom can be married and living with someone else, and making good money herself must just irk guys to their core writing out those checks. Especially the guys who have the kids a few days a week themselves.

My own parents divorced when I was a teen, and they helped each other cover major costs, like horse boarding, college and orthodontia... they didn't pay a monthly amount, I don't think, they worked it out... based on what was going on... not court orders.

[dame_wolf]

That is what J wanted to do WB but the ex wanted to squeeze every last $$ she could out of him.

[shewasmyshadow]

Can't he complain to the state that he doesn't think the money is going towards his kids? It seems to me his concern for the well being of his children would go quite a ways.

[vicklynn]

My sons father, who didnt pay diddly squat for his son while I raised him, single most the time and poor, I cant say much.
Nothing wrong with J paying child support. Hes lucky if he isnt paying it, and she hasnt came after him. That would be a wad of cashola to come up with.
How much a month? Well, thats a whole different story.
I wish I got $500 for taking care of my son every month. I cant think about the things he could of done, the new clothes that could of been bought.
I supported my ex husband in paying child support. He got the tax right off, it was his the divorce papers.
Dame, you know I love you, but J helped bring the kids in this world, he should help pay for them.

I do feel your pain about the ex being a money hungry, waste of human on the earth though.

[dame_wolf]

My sons father, who didnt pay diddly squat for his son while I raised him, single most the time and poor, I cant say much.
Nothing wrong with J paying child support. Hes lucky if he isnt paying it, and she hasnt came after him. That would be a wad of cashola to come up with.
How much a month? Well, thats a whole different story.
I wish I got $500 for taking care of my son every month. I cant think about the things he could of done, the new clothes that could of been bought.
I supported my ex husband in paying child support. He got the tax right off, it was his the divorce papers.
Dame, you know I love you, but J helped bring the kids in this world, he should help pay for them.

Yes he should have to support the kids but not the ex, her boyfriend, and his kids. The state took 50% of J's unemployment for child support leaving just barely enough to get by and instead of filing the papers to have it reduced to something more affordable we sucked it up and made due. But for the last 10 months that he has been out of work we have gotten texts or calls from her almost every week complaining about not getting enough money from J. She even went so far as to want some of MY check! Neither J nor I want the kids to have to do without but as WB said it does chaff when we know it's not the kids that are getting the money. It's the ex and her boyfriend.

(Looks like we cross posted a little.)

Oh and she gets all the tax write offs for the kids too.

[vicklynn]

Oh I hear ya. Why I said "I do feel your pain about the ex being a money hungry, waste of human on the earth though".
The money should be going to the kids, and the amount, I dont agree with it either.

[dame_wolf]

Can't he complain to the state that he doesn't think the money is going towards his kids? It seems to me his concern for the well being of his children would go quite a ways.

He would have to go to the state with proof that the kids aren't getting it and even then it would be his word against hers.

[vicklynn]

He would have to go to the state with proof that the kids aren't getting it and even then it would be his word against hers.
What about the " inpatient treatment center 3 times". Heck, they have paper work on that. She could even loose the kids with that kind of proof.....Id think.

[dame_wolf]

Oh I hear ya. Why I said "I do feel your pain about the ex being a money hungry, waste of human on the earth though".
The money should be going to the kids, and the amount, I dont agree with it either.

J and I wouldn't have a problem with the amount if the kids were getting it. It is more then it takes to support 2 kids in a month but then they should be able to have more because of it. A does seem to get more cause she is more of a in your face, pain in the butt when she doesn't get what she wants but S gets none. And the figures don't add up even with the extra that A gets.

[vicklynn]

J and I wouldn't have a problem with the amount if the kids were getting it. It is more then it takes to support 2 kids in a month but then they should be able to have more because of it. A does seem to get more cause she is more of a in your face, pain in the butt when she doesn't get what she wants but S gets none. And the figures don't add up even with the extra that A gets.
That A and S thing ticks me off too...only cause of my step sister, who is A in your stories. I just want to hug on S.

[dame_wolf]

What about the " inpatient treatment center 3 times". Heck, they have paper work on that. She could even loose the kids with that kind of proof.....Id think.

The judge had the papers and still gave her full custody. Not only did he have the treatment center papers but the hospital papers showing she tried to commit suicide 4 times. He thought she was stable and healthy enough to have the kids. Wonder what will happen when she tries again...

[dame_wolf]

That A and S thing ticks me off too...only cause of my step sister, who is A in your stories. I just want to hug on S.

She freaked out when S told her he wanted to come live with us. It came right down to she would loose almost half of the child support money. She ordered J to tell S that he couldn't live with us, it wasn't an option and we didn't want him. J told her hell no!

[JackieB]

Unfortunately, the person receiving the money in any sort of contentious arrangement usually has a very hard time empathizing with the person paying. To the recipient, the money represents both compensation and punishment. Some couples can work it out amicably like WB's parents did, but not many. It's really unfortunate.

I wouldn't worry about what she says or does one bit. Those horses have left the barn, so to speak. If you think she's getting more than she needs/deserves, then an attorney/the courts are where to go.

[dame_wolf]

There was no alimony awarded to her because of what she did during the marriage and the child support is supposed to go to the kids. She is either using it as alimony instead of child support or that J must pay all the monetary requirements of the kids (how ever you want to look at it) and then demands more from J saying $1000 isn't enough to support the kids every month. That is our only complaint, not the amount paid. It's the amount going to her and not the kids.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

There was no alimony awarded to her because of what she did during the marriage and the child support is supposed to go to the kids. She is either using it as alimony instead of child support or that J must pay all the monetary requirements of the kids (how ever you want to look at it) and then demands more from J saying $1000 isn't enough to support the kids every month. That is our only complaint, not the amount paid. It's the amount going to her and not the kids.

Unfortunately, you or J cannot dictate how she spends the child support and neither can the court. Most states have a formula to come to how much will be paid. Usually this formula involves both parents' income. The court can never involve a significant other's income. The court cannot mandate a person provide support for a child that is not theirs.

As for the ex, she can demand from J all she wants, T.S. , if it hasn't been court ordered she needs to budget better. J should NEVER discuss finances or make financial deals with this woman outside of a courtroom.

If J is going to be making significantly less in this new job, he can go back to court and have the child support redetermined. It might be lowered, it might not, but he could ask for the right to claim one child each year as compensation. This is done routinely and the court will designate which child he can claim and leaves NO room for arguement.

Now, you two are simply going to have to empower yourselves not to believe or be made to feel guilty by this pile of wasted skin. J should never negotiate one iota with her(if she is everything you say), and believe it or not, those kids will survive. At this point the mom has her cake and eating it too. She has it all! She has a boyfriend in the home who has a good income, she has the kids and child support($1000/mo!!!) AND she can make your household miserable at the drop of a hat, just for her own entertainment. DO NOT ENTERTAIN HER! I say this with your best interest at heart, she is in more control of your lives than you realize and only because it is allowed. I hope it stops when the kids are of legal age, but I doubt it unless you start now and toss her from your life.

[dame_wolf]

J doesn't send any extra to her so that isn't a worry, it's the constant demand that he needs to that is wearing on us (no we wont give in).

Her latest demand is that J pay for half a car and half the ins. for A and fix said car. J said no, he will fix it if she pays for it and A needs to get a job to pay for the ins and gas. That didn't go over real well. So I guess A isn't getting a car! Doesn't need one, she's only 16!

[vicklynn]

Um, WTF. Id be telling her to quit bugging you guys for money. Tell her if she wants to talk money, to take it to your lawyer. The B sounds like a major PITA.

[dame_wolf]

That's being way to nice to her Vick...

[vicklynn]

That's being way to nice to her Vick...
Damn...I hate people like that. Im glad I dont have to deal with it.

Hey, it could be worse(kidding)my first husband not only paid child support but he slept with his ex too, and she rubbed it in my face silently. Guess fringe benefits for both of them. Why he is my ex. I hear she divorced her hubby and they got remarried. They deserve each other. Jerks.

[dame_wolf]

Damn...I hate people like that. Im glad I dont have to deal with it.

Hey, it could be worse(kidding)my first husband not only paid child support but he slept with his ex too, and she rubbed it in my face silently. Guess fringe benefits for both of them. Why he is my ex. I hear she divorced her hubby and they got remarried. They deserve each other. Jerks.

Yes they do!!!

[dame_wolf]

How could... Grrr!

Apparently in the divorce decree is was decided that all bills in J's name he paid, all bills in her name she paid. Well somehow she got a large neck surgery bill of hers changed into J's name and J didn't know. Well when he started getting collection notices for that bill (just after his layoff) he called them up and told them that it wasn't his bill it was hers and they needed to be contacting her for payment. Fast forward how ever many months it's been and she either finally decided to call J about it or finally got a notice about it and called J screaming. It's her freaking bill!!! I want to know how she got it in his name to begin with??? Companies don't just change bills into random peoples names but J says he wasn't on it so how? Maybe he was on it with her and forgot and that's how she did it. I don't know. When I get home I'm going to pull out and check the divorce papers cause if it isn't specifically listed as a bill J was to cover she can kiss our A$$! So she says she wants him to pay it anyway and to pay her half of the Idaho State taxes that they both owed for 08 and had agreed to split. I think that the thought of J working again has given her ideas of trying to get him to pay her bills for her! What a piece of.... GRRR!

[vicklynn]

GRRRRR = Sh_T

What IS that womans issue? Its not like they just got divorced.
If I were her bo, Id of dumped her over her obsession with her ex.
Not sure Id be as strong as you and deal with that kind of life either.
((HUGS))

[dame_wolf]

It will be easier in 2 years and done in 7...

[miatapony]

it will never be done .... kepp your head up and like you said look at the D pappers and see if its not his bill UMM her ..... lol i would also see about getting the child suport put into a savings account for the kids instead of to her. that way if it is needed she has to go to the courts and ask for it ..... sounds like the kids might get it then. and if his son wants to live with you guys why in the Hell not ... come on she needs to get a life check.

[dame_wolf]

Well J told her that he will pay his bills and she will have to figure out how to pay hers. End of story. She wasn't happy...

I'd like to know where she thinks he's gonna come up with money to do all this? Even if he would (and he wont/isn't), does she expect him to reach around and just pull money magically from his butt??? Guess we didn't know he has a magic money butt! :rolleyes:

[miatapony]

he must be like sheepins ?????? poops goold stars ?????

[dame_wolf]

Well there has to be a reason I keep him around... :p

[natisha]

:)

[dame_wolf]

hahaha! She just sent J a list of bills and tells him she wants him to understand that she doesn't have any money! She has enough to go out all the time! J asked her what she wanted him to do about it, he has $22 in the bank right now and if she wants it and will get her to shut up she can have it. She whined some more and J just ignored her.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

I'd like to know where she thinks he's gonna come up with money to do all this? :rolleyes:

I'd like to know why she thinks he will, or that she can demand it! Any debt that she incurred after the divorce was final, is hers free and clear and legal with no responsibility of J's whatsoever! All you need is the date of the final decree and the date of the surgery. If the surgery was after the decree, cool, if not, better get a lawyer to answer where obligation begins and ends.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

hahaha! She just sent J a list of bills and tells him she wants him to understand that she doesn't have any money! She has enough to go out all the time! J asked her what she wanted him to do about it, he has $22 in the bank right now and if she wants it and will get her to shut up she can have it. She whined some more and J just ignored her.

Why does he talk to her? :huh:

[dame_wolf]

She calls and texts till he answers the phone. Plus she usually starts it off with a text about the kids so when she does call he'll answer the phone. If he doesn't answer she keeps at it till he does. (Surgery was before divorce...)

[dame_wolf]

She really isn't going to like it when I finally meet her... When someone irks me as much as she does I find it very difficult to not tell them what I think of them. J says that if she behaves on that day then I should too but if she doesn't then I'm free! hahaha!

[Petra]

I'm sorry to hear J's ex is such nasty person. I never got a penny of child support for my son, but man am I glad I don't ever have to talk to his father, or deal with him in any way.
You are pretty strong to put up with all that. I don't think I could. J is lucky to have you!

[Petra]

She really isn't going to like it when I finally meet her... When someone irks me as much as she does I find it very difficult to not tell them what I think of them. J says that if she behaves on that day then I should too but if she doesn't then I'm free! hahaha!

Why would you ever want to meet her?

[dame_wolf]

Why would you ever want to meet her?

I'd really like to meet her after the kids are 18 and give her a piece of my mind...



So J is no longer taking her calls, if something is going on with the kids she can text. Everything will be in writing from now on. When she brings up money J will respond with 'I am well aware of my obligations.' Period. That is it. Eventually she will stop (we hope).

[natisha]

Maybe a new phone # is in order, keep the old one for the bat phone

[dame_wolf]

Well J sent that response to her and she didn't respond back. Then later she asked him a question about the amount of child support she got this week and did he do something to it. :huh: He never sees it, it comes right out of his check before it goes to him. He told her he never sees her money and to call the state. She didn't like his responses but they stopped her cause there is nothing she can say. Good!

[miatapony]

wow i think every response you get from her you should just tell her to take it up with the judge.... nothing.