Wedding Blues

[FoxFireEMT]

Well the wedding is not until Oct 2nd & I did a lot of planning over the first several months of the year, but I have stalled out. I'm not excited, I personally just want this all to be done & over with. I still want to get married & I know everything is right with him and our life together but is all this MESS really necessary?

It probably isn't helping that I'm attending college just about full time & working a very stressful & demanding job while trying to accompish all of this. It would probably be a lot easier if my family would just chill & be able to handle the smaller problems themselves. Such as hotel reservations & all that other jazz. I'm most frustrated with my parents being so damn worried about their pooch. Geez, don't get me wrong I love my dogs dearly & I would want to make sure they are taken care of & well while I had to do whatever it was I had to do. but why are they bugging me with finding them a hotel that accepts dogs? Every opinion & option I give them they shoot down!

The dress, the hair, the make up, the registering for gifts ~ is all something that really isn't that fun to me. Okay.... dress was sort of fun but the rest I have yet had the motivation to want to accomplish!

Please help!.... is there something wrong with me?! or am I just going plain crazy. LOL

[JackieB]

I completely identify with your parents and their love for their dog. But it's their job to find a pet-friend hotel, not yours.

And to answer your question, no, the mess isn't all necessary. The marriage is what's important. And it's your marriage and nobody else's. We had a very simple wedding that we paid for ourselves. I think the total number of guests from both sides was about 75. We had the reception with potato salad, sitting in folding chairs, at folding tables, in the church. It was wonderful, and we're happier than ever over 23 years later.

Your family may complain a bit - perhaps A LOT, but this is your wedding. I wouldn't let it stress you out like this.

[dame_wolf]

I completely identify with your parents and their love for their dog. But it's their job to find a pet-friend hotel, not yours.

And to answer your question, no, the mess isn't all necessary. The marriage is what's important. And it's your marriage and nobody else's. We had a very simple wedding that we paid for ourselves. I think the total number of guests from both sides was about 75. We had the reception with potato salad, sitting in folding chairs, at folding tables, in the church. It was wonderful, and we're happier than ever over 23 years later.

Your family may complain a bit - perhaps A LOT, but this is your wedding. I wouldn't let it stress you out like this.


I agree! They are your family and you love them but they don't need to make your wedding any more stressful then it already is! It will be difficult but stand up to them. Tell them to find their own motel room or make arrangements for someone else to watch it/them. Not your concern! You have enough to do and they are not helping. I completely understand, you are burning out.

Stop. Take a step back. Get away for a weekend with your honey. No phones, no family, just relax. Come back energized, put the family in their place, plan your wonderful wedding, and get on with YOUR life!

[mare]

Wedding can be changed along the way. Maybe you dreamed of a complex wedding, but find the reality of doing it at this time (with school, work, ect.), to be stealing the joy.

Are you able to identify some "must haves?" List them, leave them, and go back and look again in a few days.

It is your and your husband's day.

[natisha]

Elope?

[vicklynn]

JackieB, Dame Wolf, and Mare are right on target.
Its YOUR day, and if the family has issues, let them fix them.
Its NOT your place to make them happy, its theirs to make this YOUR day.
Time to back up, stand up and tell them to BACK OFF, if they want to help you plan your day fine, if they want to complain, dont come.
Heck, I had more support planning a wedding in WA state while I was in Honduras.

[oursarge]

I was going to say what Natisha said. I've never been big on weddings. It's the marriage that counts not the wedding that costs a small fortune. Our nephew is getting married in July and they've been fighting non stop about who's paying for what etc. My brother in law keeps telling them just elope and use the money from the wedding to put towards a house.

[FoxFireEMT]

Thanks guys. I never dreamed of a complex wedding & I think so far I have managed to keep it simple but nice. I didn't want really laid back wedding but I did NOT want one all complex & hectic. At this point I am totally satisfied with the way that things are running as far as MY planning has gone. WE are paying for most of it ourselves too so we are on a tight budget.

I'm such a people pleaser & I guess I already feel guilty because I am having the wedding in De where I currently live and have lived for the last 5 years, not in Pa where I was born & raised and were my rents' and most of the family is. I think I'm just trying to make up for the fact that they were upset that I chose to have it down here. I settled on that fact quickly & made it a point to let them no that there was NO debate over this. I can easily understand my parents concern with the pooch ~ but what they don't understand is that THEY are an important part of this day & I fear THEY won't have the time to worry about the dog sitting in a hotel room, possibly needing to go out. Quick agenda & why I'm worried. Hotels are in Dover ~ wedding (church) is 20 min. from Dover (now understand I live in De where there isn't much outside of the cities but farm land & amish buggies, churches & beer stores) then from Church to fire hall it's like 3 minutes from there. Making us 17 minutes from Dover with GOOD traffic. I live on a huge farm & offered (for the day) the dog come to our farm & either 1 stay in the house with our dogs, or stay in the house with out our dogs & our dogs can go out in the kennels 4 the day (which they would probably rather be anyway *outside*, or he can put his dog in Kennel or hell even in my fenced in back yard. That way he would not have to worry about running back to hotel to let the dog out. IN his words I'll just run back to hotel to let the dog out every couple hours. 20 minutes there & 20 mintures back.... 40 mintues travel time for one trip... WTF. Normally they would possibly think about leaving Pooch at home but again its my wedding & everyone (family wise) hopefully will be down here too. I don't get it. My bro & sis n law are not bugging me to bring their dog, they found a friend that is NOT going to care 4 dog for the weekend. IDK.. but anyway agian thanks 4 letting me vent and you guys are so right. Thanks.

L

[FoxFireEMT]

wanted to elope, fiance' wasn't having it.... maybe my next marriage! LOL kidding! ;)

[vicklynn]

Wow, 40 minutes to and back, then the walk time adds another what 20 min, so thats an hour. Tell them if they dont want to leave their dog at your place, outside in the back yard, to kennel it some where. It wont kill the dog.
Id be wondering who is more important at this point, but me being me, Id be asking them that.

[FoxFireEMT]

You know Vicklynn, I often wonder & think that often. My parents are great - love them to death. Raised me right & raised me well. I bounced out of the home when I was 17 and never looked back, I think my mom resented me for it & I think my Dad felt like I left him. Although they told me that & they always supported the choices I made good or bad but your right. There are many times I go up there & it's always about my nephew *which is cute as button* or the dog (who is also cute) or the middle kid (AKA my 2nd oldest bro, who lives RIGHT next to my rents) but regardless, I'm over it. if they continue to push me about these places then I'll just give them my tude & be over it. I think I'm just overly frustrated with it all & now the news of the fiance getting ready to start a 20 week long academy and will be out the WEEK before our wedding has me overly frustrated. There goes my help! LOL.

[Buckpoco]

Elope?

I agree. Our wedding was small, just a few intimate friends and family. I NEVER wanted the aggrivation of a wedding! Is the above a possibility? LOL

[miatapony]

well where are you geting married you know there is always VEGAS! they can do it all for you ... and remove the stress and its not an elopement when you just tell everyone here is the web site it will be on watch it there. sorry couldnt help it .. but on a diff note . if you need help let me know if there is anything i can do to help. ill try to help you out even if it is over the computer.

[AppyLover]

Don't stress it is your day, not theirs. Just tell them to figure it out about the dog. (Best western has good pet rates if there is one near you). But you have done more than expected about offering to let the dog have day accommodations at your place and they are still turning you down...it is their problem they can figure it out.

Good luck and remember your day keep it as simple as you want it and don't get sucked into all the other stuff. The day is a celebration and a party.

[shewasmyshadow]

LOL. I laughed when you said you weren't excited about your wedding. :D My husband and I were committed to abstinence before marriage. Our wedding day could NOT come fast enough. I literally didn't give a rip about most stuff. I was picky about a few things, but if someone argued I shrugged my shoulders and went with it. I made decisions, made sure someone was doing it, then didn't look back. I thought about doing something special like having Rashad in the ceremony, but didn't end up doing anything like that. Too complex, he wouldn't have liked it and it would have lengthened the time between ceremonies end and getting to our hotel for the evening. :D

Just thought it might bring a giggle to your stressful planning. ;)

[TheBadLands]

Don't stress it is your day, not theirs. Just tell them to figure it out about the dog. (Best western has good pet rates if there is one near you). But you have done more than expected about offering to let the dog have day accommodations at your place and they are still turning you down...it is their problem they can figure it out.

Good luck and remember your day keep it as simple as you want it and don't get sucked into all the other stuff. The day is a celebration and a party.

I agree 110%

And don't feel bad, I want to go to a JOP. I don't even want a wedding :)

[RackinRudy]

OMG FoxFire ... I got married last summer and completely hated doing all the planning. We just had ours in our backyard but there still is alot of coordinate etc. I wanted to elope before we started any of it but my hubby wanted his family and friends there .... I just wanted to fly to hawaii and do it. So I totally feel your pain. We had about 100ish people, went by so fast ... i think a beach wedding and spending time alone would of been more memorable ...

[WashingtonBay]

Well the wedding is not until Oct 2nd & I did a lot of planning over the first several months of the year, but I have stalled out. I'm not excited, I personally just want this all to be done & over with. I still want to get married & I know everything is right with him and our life together but is all this MESS really necessary?

No, actually, a lot of it is NOT necessary. Do what you want, don't be guilted by Martha Stewart or Wedding Planners or magazines into taking on a lot of extra fru fru that neither you or the guests will even notice is there or not there, they don't care, you don't care.

Plan a fun party. Delegate what you can, and skip the rest! Your wedding is not going to be in a magazine, your guests don't really want little keepsake centerpieces with your name on them to take home, and you honestly won't spend a lot of time looking at photographs of all of your table settings in the years to come. If you want my opinion, I'd also not let the photographer decide anything, or do a big photo session before the wedding with all the possible combinations of attendants and family members. You don't need a photo of the bride and and groom standing there with mom, dad, the attendants, without attendants, just the groom, just the bride, the bride and mom, the groom and dad... It's tedious and unnecessary. And to me, most important, it really takes something from the fun and importance of ceremony itself. It's almost like the wedding is an afterthought, it's all about the photos. I'd skip it and have the photographer take a few poses afterwards, candids during. That's what we did. For the life of me I don't know what people do with all those photos they pay a fortune for.

It probably isn't helping that I'm attending college just about full time & working a very stressful & demanding job while trying to accompish all of this. It would probably be a lot easier if my family would just chill & be able to handle the smaller problems themselves. Such as hotel reservations & all that other jazz. I'm most frustrated with my parents being so damn worried about their pooch. Geez, don't get me wrong I love my dogs dearly & I would want to make sure they are taken care of & well while I had to do whatever it was I had to do. but why are they bugging me with finding them a hotel that accepts dogs? Every opinion & option I give them they shoot down!

Tell them most hotels accept dogs and they can search which ones on the internet, or call them by phone.

The dress, the hair, the make up, the registering for gifts ~ is all something that really isn't that fun to me. Okay.... dress was sort of fun but the rest I have yet had the motivation to want to accomplish!

Please help!.... is there something wrong with me?! or am I just going plain crazy. LOL

You sound a lot like me, honestly :)

[oursarge]

well where are you geting married you know there is always VEGAS! they can do it all for you ... and remove the stress and its not an elopement when you just tell everyone here is the web site it will be on watch it there. sorry couldnt help it .. but on a diff note . if you need help let me know if there is anything i can do to help. ill try to help you out even if it is over the computer.

My friend's son got married in Vegas and it was the nicest wedding. I saw pictures. It was just the bride, groom, their parents and the witnesses who were their best friends. It was great. I already told everyone about our wedding, I won't bore you again but my mother got upset that we were talking about just going to a JP or something so we just invited family and close friends. I got the cheapest dress I could find [The one my nephew's fiancee is looking at costs $9,000. YES that is $9,000. NOT $900. IS SHE INSANE?] I can't see this working at all. They fight all the time about it then told my brother in law they need $10,000 from him to go towards it. He told him not a dime unless it goes towards a house. He's not paying for other people to party. If this goes off it'll be a miracle, if it lasts it'll be a bigger miracle.

What WB said is so true about everything. Our photographer was told don't be following me around with that camera. We did a few photos and that was it and now they're stuck in a drawer somewhere except for one that is on the dresser. I know too many people who got huge packages of photos and they're packed away.

I guess I'm strange since the wedding meant nothing to me. I didn't want a wedding but only had one to please my mother since I'm an only child. She wanted for me what she didn't have, the gown the whole bit but I didn't want that. I would have been happier in jeans and cowboy boots with my dog as an attendant. I wanted to be married to my man but I didn't want all the fancy stuff. I don't know if anyone watches McLeod's Daughters, a show from Australia, women running a cattle/sheep ranch. When one got married she had the prettiest dress, the attendents all had pretty dresses [Hers was purple & white, theirs were purple] they all wore cowboy boots and rode their horses to the ceremony. That was nice. I know it was on TV but it was really pretty.

I really hope things work out and you can stop being so stressed. Good Luck.

[FoxFireEMT]

well where are you geting married you know there is always VEGAS! they can do it all for you ... and remove the stress and its not an elopement when you just tell everyone here is the web site it will be on watch it there. sorry couldnt help it .. but on a diff note . if you need help let me know if there is anything i can do to help. ill try to help you out even if it is over the computer.


You know I soooo wanted to do vegas ~ but fiance' was adamently NO NO NO. LOL.. which is okay too. I wanted a wedding, but a big one & I didn't want all this extra added stress. I have been doing well on keeping it low key & keeping negative people away I just think it's just all mounting up with all the other things going on right now. U know.

[FoxFireEMT]

SWMS: That is great that you did that! Good for you! Did get a chuckle too, thanks. I'm excited, I suppose I shouldn't say that. I'm happy with the man I'm with & I'm happy with who we are together & I guess I just feel that all this extra added jazz that people are trying to get me to do & are trying to put on me is unnecessary. Our Love & the marriage is already in the right place we dont' need all the bells & whistles to make the marriage work! I just have a problem with saying no!

[FoxFireEMT]

OMG FoxFire ... I got married last summer and completely hated doing all the planning. We just had ours in our backyard but there still is alot of coordinate etc. I wanted to elope before we started any of it but my hubby wanted his family and friends there .... I just wanted to fly to hawaii and do it. So I totally feel your pain. We had about 100ish people, went by so fast ... i think a beach wedding and spending time alone would of been more memorable ...


Yep yep yep... u know when I got the wedding dress ~ wasn't really that excited..I mean it was a neat experience but all the other crap... not my style. Thankfully I have some awesome friends that love this stuff & know my style so have stepped in & done or HELPed me out majorly. The part I'm most excited about is the ride from the church to reception! Draft horse pulled wagon~~~ :cowboy: Gonna be the best part of my day! LOL

[FoxFireEMT]

WB: If it weren't for a friend of mine doing photography ~ I would just problaby ask attendants to send me their pictures that they took. My friend is a photographer & does mostly parades & fire department stuff. He did our engagment photos for us. He was also my partner at work for 5 years ~ so he knows me and WHAT I don't like. We have already talked & he knows that I do not need all those DAMN photos of me & mom & dad groom & mom & dad. Your so right... a lot of people asked me if I was getting a videographer I SAID no way... Why they say.. bc who wants to sit & watch a wedding that happened years ago?!

LOL I just want to have fun. And my photography was instructed to "just take picts" whatever you want , whatever is neat ~ no rehearsed poses, except for 1 that I want and thats Me & my Daddy! :) LOL

You guys are a big help! Thank you.

Also NOTE: Those who want the big fancy stuff & fru fru stuff, I'm not down playing your fantasy wedding I say go for it. Its just not me!! :)