Over Controlling Parents

[GrungeEquestrian]

Well I known parents are suppose to guide their childern to make good choices in their lifes in the present and in the future but there are always a few who go over board. Yes they are trying to protect their childern, but from the real world that someday they are going to have to face without holding their parent's hand.

I guess I have always accepted this fact until today. My cousin HATES reading, her parents are a bit overly religious and lately she has become TOO depressed and this has really worried me. She can't ever get out of her house and is on the verge of rebelling against EVERYTHING my uncle and aunt have taught her bad AND good. Since I couldnt' do much I decided to give her a bag full of my favorite books, one of them being Twilight. NONE of the books I read (unlike some of my music) hold any bad messages. My cousin decided to first begin Twilight and I promised her we would see the movie together. She was relucant to reading anything and said she would probably hate this book too. But she actually enjoyed it and within a week had finished 200 some pages of it:). I was very exicted and her overall view on life seemed to brighten. I just got off the phone with her today asking her about the book and how far she had gotten. When she informed me that her mom (my aunt) had found the book and condemned it "immoral" and BURNED IT:mad:.....WHAT!??!

First....its MY book...MY book and she had no right to burn it AT LEAST give it back to me

Second...she called it hell worthy trash...NOTHING in the book is immoral and it ACTUALLY applauds abstence

Thirdly...my cousin is 16 years old...not 10 and going to the extreme of burning a book is beyond me

I am just VERY angry at the moment:mad: and upset that my orginial Twilight book is now in ashes.

[42many]

WOW. I would be absolutely POed, no doubt about it:mad:. Here you go out of your way to cheer her up and get her involved in a good thing, reading, and her mom flips a lid? Forget it:nono:. I would definitely have given her a piece of my mind (probably a pretty immoral piece, too... :D).

[FoxFireEMT]

I would be ticked to. Your right it was your book & the least she can do was just give you the book back. Speaking from experience, a product of overly strict strict parents Never seems to turn out good. I have yet to meet a child that was grown up in a "tight" house that didn't go ballistic when they turned 18. My childhood neighborhood friend is now in jail with 2 unwanted children waiting for him on the outside. :( It's a shame. Yes, protecting your children is one thing ~ wanting to instil your values & thougths on them is another, but smothering .... NOT good! I wish your cuz the best of luck.

[Dakota Sunrise]

Yeah, that seems pretty extreme! I've read that book and the second and third one too, and there is nothing bad in them, at least I didn't think so (especially not for a 16 year old). I guess her mom had a problem with the vampires, huh? Or was it the warewolves? I guess the whole plot probably wasn't her cup of tea.:innocent:
But she should be happy that it cheered your cuz up and that she was reading!

I would be really mad too! And I'd want my book replaced...

[alittleoffkey]

Wow. I'd insist she give you the money back - have you talked to your mom (or Dad... whoever's sister it is)? Ditto FoxFire - I've never seen that end well. :(

[JackieB]

Could you have your parents talk to your aunt? She should not have done that. And I feel for your cousin. I know that her mom just wants the best for her, but that's not good.

[GrungeEquestrian]

I would be ticked to. Your right it was your book & the least she can do was just give you the book back. Speaking from experience, a product of overly strict strict parents Never seems to turn out good. I have yet to meet a child that was grown up in a "tight" house that didn't go ballistic when they turned 18. My childhood neighborhood friend is now in jail with 2 unwanted children waiting for him on the outside. It's a shame. Yes, protecting your children is one thing ~ wanting to instil your values & thougths on them is another, but smothering .... NOT good! I wish your cuz the best of luck.

I completely agree with you, her two older sisters did the same thing. One was lucky and found a nice guy and turned her life around and the other has an abusive boyfriend and a 2 year old child and has no self esteem. Her brother is 20...almost a high school drop out and a rebel without a cause. It doesn't look good for my cousin and I have been trying my best to help her out.

Yeah, that seems pretty extreme! I've read that book and the second and third one too, and there is nothing bad in them, at least I didn't think so (especially not for a 16 year old). I guess her mom had a problem with the vampires, huh? Or was it the warewolves? I guess the whole plot probably wasn't her cup of tea.
But she should be happy that it cheered your cuz up and that she was reading!

I would be really mad too! And I'd want my book replaced...

Yeah I thought it was the vampires too though I didn't get it, my aunt loves the Lion, the Witch, and the Warobe??!?!!? I was talking to my cousin some more, apparentally she saw the comericals for the movie, and saw it was rated PG=13 for sensuality. But not reading the book she doesn't get the most they do is kiss and nothing else. Edward is like the spokesperson for morality and virtues and if SHE READ THE FREAKIN book before she burned it she would understand that.

I do want my book replaced, I feel bad because my cousin feels bad and plans on replacing it, though she is dead broke right now and has to pay for pretty much everything on her own. I plan on talking to my aunt, I know it isn't going to go well, but I just plan on asking her to replace my book. As much as I want to tell her how I feel about the whole issue I know all it would do would "burn me" out of her daughter's life because I would just be another immoral black mark. And I really don't want that since right now I am the only person that is reasoning her not to give up on her life. Her mother is too preoccupied in her "charity"...she is a huge on prolife...but seems to have forgotten her childern. And I am afraid if I don't try to steer my cousin straight she is going to end up in a very dark hole with no one to help her dig herself out.

[alittleoffkey]

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was written by CS Lewis, who wrote the series to prove Christianity was a fake, but wound up convincing himself otherwise... so it's a series based in Christian views. Can you turn her on to horses instead? I mean, sheath cleaning aside, there really isn't anything her mother could find offensive about them... is there? Horses straightened me out and calmed me down pretty quickly. ;)

[Casperluff]

That's absolutely ridiculous.

First of all- Twilight is not an inappropriate book in any way or form. I don't know what that lady is thinking...

I'd ask your Aunt for the money the book cost. Of course not your cousin, because she did nothing wrong and couldn't help her mom's actions.

I'm really sorry. =[

[GrungeEquestrian]

The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was written by CS Lewis, who wrote the series to prove Christianity was a fake, but wound up convincing himself otherwise... so it's a series based in Christian views. Can you turn her on to horses instead? I mean, sheath cleaning aside, there really isn't anything her mother could find offensive about them... is there? Horses straightened me out and calmed me down pretty quickly.

Yeah she talks about the symbolism with the book with christian views of good conquering evil, there are other books she likes that contain mythical creatures...that of course I can't recall. I think most of it is because of the "senusality" even though she misread that as well.

My cousin did take riding lessons and leased a horse when she was younger. Than because of financial problems she had to quit. She has come out a view times and rode Trouble and I was planning on her jumping her since I got all her english tack. Our grandma was quite happy about the idea and even volunteered to drive her to the barn if I couldn't. But her mother has decided otherwise and since she is protesting to keep God's gift...she leaves her two gifts home and my cousin has to baby sit her younger brother. I have even said he could come with and ride my friend's horse or even just watch, but my aunt said he cannot leave the house.

I just find a lot of the things my aunt is for hypotcritcial...as much as I am pro life she is out preaching to people what they have is a sacred gift...while she leaves her daughter to raise her son. I am trying to find the way...I guess my cousin walked to the library after I talked to her and picked up another copy of Twilight. She is determined to finish this book, which I find good....but I know this isn't going to end well.

[grandmadeb]

And the parents will be clueless when your cousin leaves without looking back. You can be there for her. Living in a controled, overly protected environment does not prepare you for the reality that exists outside and it can be overwhelming when experienced. Your aunt, while trying to protect, is really crippling your cousin.

[cloedoll]

Aww, I'm real sorry for your cousin. You sound like an awesome cousin to have, though because you are doing everything you can! I don't really know what to say, but in two years, like grandmadeb said, she's going to leave and never look back...

[KittySawrus]

*blinks*
First off - your poor, poor cousin. No wonder she feels like she does...I think fi my parents were like that I'd've got a room with my friends by now!

Second - if my aunt did ANYTHING like that my parents would go off their heads. Perhaps because they don't like her in the first place...but to abuse someone else's property like that, even if they're younger than you, is just plain rudeness. That is absolutely abysmal and I'd be asking for, if not a replacement copy, then the value with interest ;)

You stick around for your cousin...looks lie she's gonna need a solid shoulder in the future...

[prissy18]

Ok Those books are fine to read.Heck my friend who is heavily involed in church reads them IN church.That when parents are to involved.Heck just send her a chapter of the book every week threw email then she can read it and have something to look foward to.

[GrungeEquestrian]

I know I feel really bad for my cousin, we are like two peas in a pod though and I have been best friends with her since we could walk and we are very close. I am doing my best to help her get through this, and as some of you mention she does plan on getting the heck out in 2 years. I am trying to convince her to come live with my parents...or she could attend the same college with me we could board together. She always has her older sister that turned her life around to live with. She told me she does plan on finishing the book and we are stilling going to see the movie....just telling a little white lie.

[doc_western]

wow. your poor cousin......i think i would have gone insane if i were in her situation. you should definatley talk to your aunt, and at least have her replace your book. there's nothing immoral in that book- quite the contarary, actually.
i hope all goes well, you sound like an awesome cousin.:)

[Horserider]

That is ridiculous and if I were you I would be POed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Twilight! The scene is sensuality is just kissing! I mean I might be able to almost understand if she'd been reading Breaking Dawn, but your right Edward is like a symbol of old-fashioned morals! I mean he makes Bella marry him first in Breaking Dawn! I mean it's not like it was Forever in Blue (the fourth Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book)! (If you've ever read that book you'd understand what I meant) How did she even know if the book was immoral if she'd never even read it! And burning it? That's just a little creepy.

[mtnmollie]

Take your Aunt to small cliams court to pay for your book- which she stole.

Maybe she could pay 7 times its value; as the OT suggests?

Auntie can burn her book- but your book? :eek:

phooey. Life isnt fair.

[Ryderd65]

Natzis burn books.

The saddest part is she's making it impossible for your cousin to develop her spirituality. I agree with the others- she's going to drive your cousin to drastic measures just to have a life.

[GrungeEquestrian]

You guys are all absolutly right, and I am very upset about this. Yesterday I found a new Twilight book on my front porch, but I don't know who its from. I am guessing my cousin, but my parents and grandmother said they would get me a new one though I didn't want THEM to. As much as talking to my aunt is what I really should do at the moment I don't think I'll do it. Right now it seems I am the only thing keeping my cousin sane and if I seem like some immoral black mark my aunt will probably just burn me out of the picture too. I already have one "strike" for reading an "immoral" book. And as you put it Horserider its ridiculious that she would do such a thing when she has never even picked up the book. But she did the same thing with Harry Potter apparently she read the first chapter and deamed it "too realistic" and said it wasn't good. Even after the pope said it was a great book for childern to read (she is catholic). After I also did some research on why the movie was rated PG13 for senusality...its just for kissing. And as for the scene when she was in her underwear and a t-shirt...in the book yes she was in sweats but Hollywood always has to sex up movies like that...after all they are just kissing. Edward is like the poster child of "old fashion morality...wait until marriage" and you would think my aunt would applaud this!

Anyways...we still plan on seeing the movie on Friday...we are either going with plan

a.) Telling her we are seeing Madagastar II
b.) Going shopping and then out to dinner

She is usually gone going heck knows where so I would be surprised if she noticed her daughter was even gone.

[cowgirlup@idaho]

I think you are wise to not go directly to your aunt, she will assume that you are out of control and isolate your cousin from you. Let your parents talk to her if they think it's necessarry. Continue to be there for your cousin as you have, be positive and futuristic (talk about rooming together, plan outings, have her spend the night).
Does your cousin go to school with you? Does she go to public school? Maybe she could talk to a school counselor or teacher? Book burning is archaic. I would be worried too, but continue to be there for her, she needs a day to day out, someone to talk to.
Have you talked to your parents about the whole situation? Voice your concerns to them, maybe they want to be helpful for your cousin.

[Cat]

I feel so sorry for your cousin. I hope friends like you can help her stay balanced as possible until she is old enough to get out of there.

[GrungeEquestrian]

We don't go to the same school but I talk to her all the time. I really doubt the school councilers could help her, just like my school they are paid to say they have them. My mom is kinda putting her neck on the line for my cousin and I though. She said she would pay the tickets to see Twilight ahead of time...even though she is fully aware that if my aunt finds out.....a world war III will start. My mother has kept her mouth shut...and I am afraid she may explode....