do you feel like you're the only one sometimes?

[Horseaholic]

Warning: Vent alert...

Sometimes, do you feel like you're the only one that cares about your riding? Is it crazy to wish that at least ONE person in your life would care to come to one ,just one of your lessons just to see how much you've progressed? Is it crazy to think that if I stopped tomorrow no one would care one tiny bit except me? My boyfriend will say he's dead at work then when I ask him to come to one of my lessons (30 minutes out of his day) he's like oh...well umm I have two jobs in the afternoon (when three seconds before he had nothing to do all day). Then when your friend who pretends like she's interested in your riding and actually used to ride has a day off she says that no offense but she would get bored and then tries to make a comparison and ask me to come to school with her one day and watch her in her class "where she can answer tricky questions and show off". Mind you this is the girl who whenever she does have work always says "I wish I could go with you but I have wooorrrkkk." Yea right. And my other "friend" always does the same thing yet every time shes off she has plans all of the sudden with her mom. Am I the only friend out there who is willing to go support someone whether I'm interested or not?
My boss who tries SO hard all the time to beat me down NEVER has anything good to say about my riding. He'll ask me how was riding and I'll say good and he'll just spit back at me WHEN ARE YOU GONNA STOP? (he thinks hes my father). I just feel like no one supports the tiniest bit of any of this....
well I guess my rant is over...
Thanks for listening :(
-Michelle

[KittySawrus]

Aww hon, I'm sorry that you feel that way :( my parents are pretty supportive of my riding - and fair do's to them, because they have to stand for hours at a time in the freezing cold and get up at unGodly hours of the morning to ferry me around!

Everyone sounds bang out of order. I'ver had people joke at me that, come boys, I will quit the horses for good...but they don't seem to understand I've outgrown the little girlishness and this is a way of life now!

I definitely get the same feeling that sometimes, I'm the only one who cares. I've learned to clam up unless I fall off or get injured in some other way; that's the only time people are interested.

Hugs for you! You know us lot will always be hanging on your every word ;D

[Horseaholic]

Aw kitty thanks. I'm sitting here crying hahah I'm so stupid!

[KittySawrus]

No you're not!!! Aww (>")> bless your cottons!!

If you're getting so wound up I'd recommend telling them how much it'd mean to you. Especially your boyf - I'd fully expect any boyf of mine to be 100% behind my horsiness, that's how big a part of me it is.
Your boss can get lost :p (don't tell him I said that >_>)

As for your friend! Wow. As with boyf, all my friends understand that I can't do some things with them due to my lesson - you should so get her to come along sometime! And tell her to take pics or films, that'll give her something to do!

*moar huggage* (>")>

[MyMia]

That's too bad you don't have much support! I'm so sorry for you!

Look on the bright side--you could have someone come who embarrasses you to no end. My father used to come to my horse shows when I was much younger. He'd get bored, find a spot to sit, and ALWAYS fall asleep and SNORE. His snore would wake the dead....I used to pretend I didn't know him.

We love to hear about lessons and riding, so let us know about them and how you're doing!

[JackieB]

Awww, shadyhill. We understand. Dakota has many of the same challenges. I'm sure she will have some good thoughts.

Here are a few things I have learned over the years.

1. If I'm pretty sure that someone is going to say or do something that is going to bring me down, then I don't bring it up in the first place. I may not be able to control that person's response, but I can control whether or not I introduce the subject in the first place when I know full well that I'm likely to get my feelings hurt. I learned that with my Dad and it took me 35 years! You get the advice from me much earlier! :)

2. Go to those people who you know will appreciate your efforts and lift you up (that's us) and be thankful for them. I remind myself that there are those who don't appreciate my horseyness, but then there are those that do! And I'm grateful every day to each and every one of you for appreciating me and my beloved animals.

For example, how many people can say they've got friends all the way on the other side of the Atlantic who are eager to hear about all of their horse experiences? Pretty fortunate, huh? I think so.

[WashingtonBay]

OK - What if I said, yes, you are the only one who really cares about your riding, and the sooner you realize that, and that others shouldn't be blamed for that, the happier you'll be.

You have people around you who I would assume, care about you. I'd hope you can feel secure that if you were in need, or if you were in trouble, they'd be there for you. Be happy for that and appreciate that you have that much. But horses aren't their thing.

No, they don't care how much you've progressed, any more than you really care that their kid, through a lot of hard work and tutoring, has moved from a C in spelling to a B or even an A. Sure you think it's good, you're 'happy' for them and you are supposed to say something nice and congratulatory, but that's where it ends. You probably don't want to look at the kid's homework or attend their spelling bees. If they ask you to do that, they are being unfair.

You're probably being unfair to ask them to come and watch your lessons if they don't get it. And it's unrealistic to be disappointed and resentful that they don't want to go. Even the boyfriend. Relationships shouldn't be about putting in time enduring each other's boring hobbies just for the sake of being there. And lets face it. Even if we DO get it, watching someone else go around in circles in an arena is boring. How much less interesting can it be for someone who doesn't understand the difference between good form and bad form?

Even my mom, beyond watching because she had her own pride, in how cute I looked.... would bring something to read or sew during my lessons.

I would try to find some other way to be proud of your accomplishment. Heck... share it here. Have someone video you, or take pictures, tell people here what to look for that you've been struggling with, and you'll find some measure of acknowledgment of your effort.

Heck... I think that's why we invented horse shows. The only way people could get other people to watch them ride and appreciate all their effort is to pay them to do it. :)

[lisakaye]

Katie and I are most often the only ones that ride in my family. I do get annoyed with my husband cause he never shows any interest. He is improving though.

[Vegashorselady]

Don't let it get you down. My parents weren't horsey people and while they were supportive enough to pay for my lessons and horse and drive me around they were often too busy with my younger siblings to watch my lessons or even attend my horse shows! It bothered me sometimes but I guess it was just out of their comfort zone, because if I had a music recital they were right there to watch. I made some friends at the barn that I could talk horses with and just learned to understand that not everyone else in my life had that passion I did for horses. And that's ok, it's what makes us special and sets us apart from everyone else!

[Pinky]

I've been 'dumped' by several 'friends' (that I no longer talk to) because I've been too busy with horses to go and spend £100+ in the space of an hour!

My parents don't support my riding - if they take me anywhere horse related, I pay for gas. Anything horse related I pay for.

I don't really mind that no one takes an interest. It's my 'thing' and my time to be on my own, doing what I love. So maybe I can't have lessons anymore, and now that Sam and Aike are leaving I can't be around them - but one day I'll have my own horse. :)

I don't see the point in trying to make people that aren't interested in horses, interested in horses! Everyone has their own hobbies and equal tolerance should be expected for all of them. :D

[FoxFireEMT]

Yep, I do feel like that often but as I get older I appreciate the time there by myself. Much calmer, much more relaxed only person I have to worry about is myself!!

I know how you feel though, there are plenty of time that I feel like no one really cares about what I'm intersted in. My rents don't ask much about my horse, my bro's don't ask NEITHER does my best friend who use to ride as well. She don't care.

I hope things start to look up for you, rememeber though~ sometimes it's nice to just be there JUST YOU & the HORSE!

[PoniesRock101]

i know how you feel, my parents are not horsey. my sisters used to ride but "grew out of it" so i normally just get droopped off at the barn-comeback in a few hours, i always joke my parents abnadom me at shows, because they'd drop me off and tell me to call when ts over. i came to understand well other parnets watched their kids my had their reasons. my dad was alergic to hay and always got really sick when he was near it, and cats. it jsut wasnt their thing. but althoughmy parents dont like to watch me ride, i am grateful that they allow me to ride instead f just saying i hate barns you cnat ride anymore.........

i'm lucky though ocasionally i can get my one sister to come with me since, i know she really misses ridinng but she feels bad for having my parents pay for 2 lessons or day leases. so she'd go when she had enough money to come with me.

like the others said, you should definatly share videos and pics of your lesson here, everyonehere will deffinatly enjoy seeing it.

[dustys_girlly]

i know how you feel. when i was in high school i was the only one of my friends that rode and the group of people that i hung out with in high school was not a good group. they where there for me for everything else but thought the riding was stupid. i pissed me off but i tried to let it get to me because all it would do would hurt me. i ride, horses are my life but that is me not them. when i got hurt riding they where there for me but then would have to go on and on that if i let the " big stupid animals" alone it would not have happened. i am luck now that my hubby liked horses but he like to hear me talk about them as much as i like to hear him talk about work :rolleyes:. he supports me but i can count on one hand the times he has watched me ride in the 3 years we have been together. just take a deep breath and relax, and now i have that song "be happy, dont worry". STUCK IN MY HEAD!! LOL

[Mandzanita]

Shady, I'm sorry you're feeling down about the lack of support. WB has a pretty valid point, even though it isn't fun to realize. But really...asking someone to come to ONE lesson or show is really not asking much from a person as close as a BF, mom, or dad. Sometimes you do things that you don't necessarily want to do for someone you love. It's not a good feeling when they aren't willing to make any kind of an effort, especially when they use lame excuses.

It makes riding so much more fun when you know you have people to ride with or someone watching you with interest. But, there are so many more "non" horse people than their are horse people in this world and I've found that most find it considerably boring to watch. I also find that total horse people find it almost unbearable to watch other people riding when they can't ride too!

In high school I had a couple REALLY close horsey friends and man did we have fun together...but once we all kinda went our own ways I found myself riding alone ALL the time. Going to the barn ALONE all the time. My parents would never come, my boyfriends would maybe come once or twice but it was really just me. I've learned to deal with it, except I do wish my BF would come out and watch more often. All of my roommates think it's so cool that I have a horse and ride but none have yet to come to the barn with me...lol...it's not for everyone.

[Horseaholic]

Thank you everyone for your support. I do realize that not everyone is interested in horses and I dont want to push them into it AT ALL. I would just like a little bit of moral support from my "friends" every once in a while. Just like I would give them.
My boyfriend and I have been together for four years and for four years hes been obsessed with collecting Japanese vinyl toys and I go EVERYWHERE he ask me to go for events and stuff for it. Why? Because like mandz said, you do things for people that you love.
Mymia- thanks for making me laugh. :)
You know ,Jackie B, once my friend came at me with that rude comment I told her I wouldn't ask her to come to the barn anymore with me. I know that if I don't give people the chance to let me down - they cant. You're absolutely right- I can't control their actions or words but I can control the situation from coming up.
I love the alone time that I get when it's just me and the horse and thats the only thing I think about...I absolutely adore that time. I dont think about my hurt feelings or anything of the sort. I'm just there with a friend who is always there for me- my horse. I know that my parents would support me if they were here but they are in Florida and they actually flew in a day earlier once just to watch me ride which I was ecstatic about. It's just hard I guess because my mom in particular has always supported me NO matter WHAT and not having her here I kinda feel lonely without someone on the sidelines for me.
Alot of the time I feel like I don't fit in the horse people because I don't have my own horse. But I know that one day I will and I wont need any other friends. ;) lol. It will just be my smelly butt with my horse in the barn all day everyday. hahah
But honestly thanks to every one of you. Its nice to know I'm not alone.

[Miracle Whip]

1. If I'm pretty sure that someone is going to say or do something that is going to bring me down, then I don't bring it up in the first place. I may not be able to control that person's response, but I can control whether or not I introduce the subject in the first place when I know full well that I'm likely to get my feelings hurt. I learned that with my Dad and it took me 35 years! You get the advice from me much earlier!

I rarely speak to my mom for just this reason. She is Miss Negativity.

I do care that you are improving your riding skills. I am glad that you are taking lessons. So many of us don't have the opportunity, time or money to take lessons. At the age of 41 I am volunteering to clean stalls at a stable just so I can ride my horses in the arena AND get riding lessons from the lady who runs the stable. I work dang hard to get my lessons and some arena time with my horses and when I do its heaven on earth. My mare is a joy to ride. She is a gift from heaven. Don't ever forget that and don't ever quit.

[elleng]

I've learned that not everyone will have an interest in what interests me and I accept that. Yes it is nice when you have the support of your loved ones. I am the only one in my family that rides but my mother always asks about Dutchess and accepts her as her "equine grand daughter" Do what you enjoy doing for yourself and no one else. Life is too short and you learn to really stop and enjoy the things you are able to pursue.

[FlitterBug]

Growing up in my familly, we did everything together. We were very active, water skiing, riding, camping, football, cheerleading, basketball, volley ball, dirt biking........ we had a lot of injuries in my family :eek:. My brother took water skiing to the competitive level, and when regionals was 1000 miles from home, we had a family vacation. I just skied for fun, but eventually, I learned what 15 off and 30 off meant in relation to water skiing. I would go with my brother to the lake on the weekends and help out in the boat, and I went to most of his competitions until he went to college. We learned for each other. When you love someone, you take an interest in everything about them and support them in that venture. I don't regret anything that I learned about skiing or basketball while watching my brother. He has made it a point to ask his girlfriends if they are scared of horses on my behalf. I still go riding with my brother sometimes when he visits.

My mom had never been into horses when she was younger, but she learned. She learned for me. She learned so she could help me at shows and talk to me about my lessons. She learned the basics so she could go trail riding with me and spend time with me. Its not her passion, but she took an interest in the things I did. My dad had horses when he was younger, and has helped me with some of mine. I'm 24 now and he still watches my lessons when he is home. He can be a little critical, I think he is just jealous that I know more than him now. :p

My husband also likes watching my lessons when he can, he has always ridden western, but he tried english for me. He takes an interest in my training and brags about me to his friends who have horses. He cooks for the kids in my 4-H group at parties and camping trips, and it takes a special guy to give up his weekend to go trail riding and camping with a bunch of whiney teenagers.
He likes hunting, and I now know how to staple shut a wound on a hog dog, castrate a boar, and hold a hog on the ground in a position where it can't get up or bite me, even if it is over twice my weight...... When he wanted to go to a bay dog competition and his usual partner couldn't make it, guess who was up at 6:30 in the morning with piggin string in her hands ready to run, yup, me. Not really my cup of tea, but its what he likes to do, so I will support him. I also know more about underground pipe contruction than I would ever really care to know, but he wants to vent when he gets home from work, so I figured out what the heck it was he was talking about so I could at least make decent conversation.

Personally, I will learn about whatever interests my friends. One of my good friends likes to sew, so I go to the craft store with her and sew sometimes. I made a pot holder a couple weeks ago, I'm not very good at it, but its always good to learn something new. She also helped me make all the favors for my wedding and put together a saddle cover for the side saddle I rode in for my wedding. She embroidered it with my and my husbands names.

I don't think its too much to ask for others to take an interest in what you do. I also think you should take an interest in what they do. When you care about someone, you care about everything, not just the things you like. You care about their happiness. It doesn't have to take over your life to take an interest in someone else, but it will enrich your life and your relationship with that person if you take an interest in what they do.

[Cat]

I think WB put this very well. I could see someone going to watch a show here and there as support, but a lesson? No, I think that is asking too much of non-horsey people. At least at a show there is the feel of competition and that can make it more interesting for them.

What you acheive in lessons are personal winnings, and as such they will give you personal satisfaction, but most other people will get nothing from them so thus have nothing to give honestly give back. Enjoy your personal winnings, that is what will get you further in life anyways.

[Blue]

I feel like that, but I've learned to try not to drag my non-horsey friends to things like horse shows and lessons. :) If you think about it...say you don't like football and your football playing friend takes you out to a game...it'd be exciting for that person but not really for you...if that makes sense. ;)

[starkitten]

If I was closer I would go to all your shows ;) I do that for alot of the kids around here - I don't have a clue what I'm looking for, but love cheering them on and seeing the beautiful horses and the dressed up riders :)

My bf probably has seen my horse twice at best and he lives right up the road - I'm okay with it cause that is MY time LOL

[Dakota Sunrise]

Awww, shadyhill. We understand. Dakota has many of the same challenges. I'm sure she will have some good thoughts.




That is true, I do have similar issues sometimes. I don't have many friends (none my own age), so with the exception of when I trail ride with my neighbor (we have a lot of fun together but she is often too busy), I ride and train my horses alone. My family is not the least bit interested at all. My dad likes seeing them out in the pasture, but he doesn't want to hear me talk about them or watch me ride. My mom tries but once I start in with the horse talk she gets bored real fast and doesn't really listen, or understand what I mean. She thinks I worry too much about them and spend too much money on them. And my brother is just indifferent about the whole thing.
Occasionally I can get my brother to video me when I ride (if I bribe him:innocent:), but I mostly do that myself too (set the camera on the fence post, barrel, tree, etc.). They just aren't into it, and don't understand. And I don't think they really want to.

But that's ok.

I don't expect them to pay for my horses (I pay for everything myself) or watch me ride or really do anything. And they do support me in their own way.. my mom will feed the horses for me every once in a while if I spend the night at my cousin's house or something, and my dad is the one that found my horse trailer (granted, I can't get Beauty in it, but that's beside the point:rolleyes:). And if they had the money my daddy would be overjoyed to be able to build me a barn and buy me a better horse trailer.. they just can't afford it.
And that's ok too.

~*~*~And yes, there is a point to all this, I'm just not good at summing up or wording things, so this is the best I've got.~*~*~

It's taken me a long time to figure it out, but I've learned that you shouldn't depend on other people to make you happy. Friends will let you down no matter what, at least that is the way it seems. I'm not saying you shouldn't have friends, I know I get lonely sometimes and wish I had someone to hang out with.. but you have to be able to make yourself happy and understand that the only one you can always count on is yourself.. and your animals.:)
Obviously (for examle) I love my parents and I trust them to be there for me, but there are times when we don't agree and they let me down, and times when they just don't understand me. And that's when you have to be independent and get tough... and go hug your horse. That helps too.

You can't change people, and you can't always make them understand why horses (or anything you love) are so important to you, and why you are so proud of your equine accomplishements. You just have to accept that fact, and be content with knowing that YOU love them, and YOU know how much progress you've made. Be proud of yourself.

Also, you are never alone when you're riding. It doesn't matter if your best friend, your boy friend, your parents, whoever is not there watching you (and I know that hurts sometimes), you are still not alone. You have someone who loves your right there everytime, a team mate, a partner, a friend- your horse. Count on him (or her) and count on yourself.

If you don't expect much or anything from others, you won't get disapointed. And then when they surprise you and are there for you, you'll be happy and enjoy their company. But when they're not there, you won't be let down, because you never expected anything in the first place.

I don't know if any of that makes any sense or not. Like I said, I am lousy at wording things.


One more thing. Like some of the others have said, don't forget about us.:) A lot of us care, and understand what you're doing with your horses. If you want some one to talk to about it, some one who really knows what you mean and shares the love, talk to us.
There are a lot of really great people on this forum, people who have taught me so much and helped me out a lot. I greatly appriciate that, especially since I have no one else around me who understands. I've been told once that I talk to much about my horses and myself, that no one really cares, that they just feel sorry for me, and eventually they'll all stop listening. But I don't think that's true, at least I hope it's not. And I think you'll find that there are lots of members that don't feel that way.
Your true friends won't be like that, and I've found a few on here. They're there to laugh with, and there with encouragement, advice- even a fish when you need a good slap over the head to knock some sense into ya- basically whatever you need!:D : WashingtonBay, JackieB, Arrow, Vicklynn, Annie&Dixie... and that's just to name a few. There will always be the ones that you won't agree or get along with, but there really are lots of great people on here that will be glad to hear about your horsey accomplishements.
So for what it's worth, we're here if you need us.:)

[Horseaholic]

Thank you everybody. It really means a lot to me. More than you think.

[Annasmom]

I'm sorry you feel that way I know how you feel too at times
Just get the feedback from your horse :) and come to us!