A true Friend

[FoxFireEMT]

For some reason I always seem to find myself "stuck" with out a "true best friend". Sounds silly & weird to say, but I'm the type of person I want to trust in my friends and or count on them. I'm not saying I don't have friends, I just feel that none of the ones I have do I feel I could really count on if $hit hit the fan.

My long time BF from Pa (who I hung out forever with) has all of a suddenly seemed to care less when I was home visiting, always ditched me if we made plans & just seems to not really give a darn whats going on. Another friend that I thought I could count on has married my brother (which I'm not complaining, I mean who could ask for a better sister-n-law) . She has a family of her own & how can I complain of family issues when my brother might find out about everything. It's more of a "I don't feel like bugging her with my problems, when she has a family & so much more things to worry about then me." Just as I gradually begin to find another friend that I thought was a real good friend & seemed as though we were becoming "true" friends, she up & leaves her husband and becomes very shaddy towards the whole "friend" crowd. I even made attempts to tell her she was a good friend (which she was) and how much I thought of her and that I had not problems with her & dont' care the reasons why she left but told her we should continue hanging out. Just more shady "ness".

I have a great friend in my boyfriend, I mean I can tell him anything & I love him for that, but sometimes you just need the "girl talk". It's just frustrating. I want to look to my side and know I have at least one "strong" friend I know I can always count on!

K.... rant over. Thanks 4 listening!

L

[Dakota Sunrise]

Awe, I'm sorry it's got you down. (((hugs))) I know how you feel, I don't have a true best friend either, or any friends my own age to even hang out with really. Sometimes it bothers me, but I am a loner and mostly spend my free time with my horses so it's not so bad.

[FoxFireEMT]

I wouldn't say I am "truly" down about it. But it just got me thinking because I'm up in Pa visiting with the family for a few days, and I have a couple "good" friends up here that I try to see when I'm up. One friend in particular, I considered a best friend has stood me up time & time again. I think I just had about enough, I'm gonna stop trying to find time to spend with them & worry about spending time with my family. The ones that WILL always be there.

[Kaitlyn]

I'm in the exact same boat. I'm always always available, always there for my friends and I get absolute S word in return. It's so frustrating that I've just given up.

[cloedoll]

I was in a similar situation, but I'm not one to give friendship advice. I love the best friends I have and when you have them, hold on to them forever because they're hard to come by. So yeah, can't offer advice, but I hope things start looking up for you & you can vent to us anytime.

[Dakota Sunrise]

I wouldn't say I am "truly" down about it.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say you were.. I thought you were saying you were. I didn't know what else to say and I thought that's what you were saying.

.........:innocent: .......................:huh:

Now I'm confusing myself.:rolleyes::p Of course that's not very hard to do!:D:p lol

I don't think I have any idea what I was trying to say, lmao!:innocent::D I suck at frienship at advice so I think I'll just shut up now.:p

[Remali]

Oh man.....I was just thinking about this.....my best friends both live about 85 miles away, and it's so tough, one calls me at least once a week and we talk. But, it's hard not having anyone close by to rely on. Anyway, I always knew who my true friends were, I just wish they lived closer. I recently decided to "cut ties" with a couple "friends" that live nearby who really are not my friends after all....if that makes sense....and I feel better for doing it.

[cheval]

I'm in the exact same boat. I have no best friend at all and spend my time telling my problems to Solon. In fact, I don't even have a group of pals that I go out and do things with. I like being alone but sometimes it'd be nice to have someone to pal around with. Hard to find single friends when most of the people I know are married. So, you're not alone.

[FoxFireEMT]

I'm in the exact same boat. I'm always always available, always there for my friends and I get absolute S word in return. It's so frustrating that I've just given up.

Ya, I think that is what irriates me the most. I am always there for someone. I'm a great listener, good at advice, don't just to conclusion & don't judge. Then as soon as their problems are "fixed" it's like they bail.

Cloe: Your right. I know I still have a friend in my sister-in-law but I don't like to bug her too much, obviously. :) And the other "good" friend I had (a childhood friend at that) had passed away 2 years ago. I guess thats really what my main problem is. I still think about her just about everyday. Holidays are hard and in all honestly I miss her. She was my childhood friend, best friend & riding buddy!!

[FoxFireEMT]

I'm in the exact same boat. I have no best friend at all and spend my time telling my problems to Solon. In fact, I don't even have a group of pals that I go out and do things with. I like being alone but sometimes it'd be nice to have someone to pal around with. Hard to find single friends when most of the people I know are married. So, you're not alone.

Yeah, my poor horse, It's a wonder she don't run when she sees my truck pull up! :p I talk her ears off if I could. It is tough, I guess I never realized how many poeple are in the same boat. I GOT a few good friends but it's not the same as counting on them in dire needs!

[TLC97]

Ok you............................................ I am 35 and have been there and done that with friends. I have ONE friend that I can call in a pinch, no matter what. We have been friends for 25 years. The best part is she and I can go months without talking and be fine, we have lives and understand that. We fight and make up. I have other "friends" that I may get together with once in a while, but not often. My issue is when I go shopping I shop ( I hate shopping) and spend what I want and that is it. I have a few very catty "friends" that will say things that are mean like, "Good thing you married a guy who lets you spend money like it's water." Ummm, NO. I work, and I only do that a few times a year. I spend less in a year than they do on clothes. I have a few "horse friends" but I found when I took a break from horses they took a break from me. Yes some of them were there, but very few. I have about 6 people who I would say are true friends. I value their friendship and they feel the same. They all know I will say what I feel and don't ask for my opinion if you are not wanting me to say the truth.

Friends change over the years. It is normal for a good friend to be too busy for you from time to time. My BFF and I have done that off and on, but it all comes back around. Yes it sucks, but it will make you stronger in the long run.

[WashingtonBay]

I've definitely grown apart from many of my long time friends. I either no longer have a lot in common with them or they wear me out instead of building me up when I'm around them. There have definitely been long periods where I've felt like I didn't have a really 'best' friend.

Which is probably why I started hanging around more and more at forums, and now most of the people who I consider my best friends live halfway across the country from me, or further. Some of us have known each other years now, through good times and bad. Those relationships count! I know I sure count on them.

I met my husband at one of those forums, of course, and he's my true best friend now. Probably the only one I can handle being around all the time, and we haven't gotten tired of each other yet :)

I feel bad for those who haven't got really compatible riding friends. It's just so nice to have some companionship out on trail... for fun and safety's sake.

[Remali]

I do still have a couple of very good friends that I have known for over 25 years. But the other friends I had, we have grown apart for whatever reasons, some of them changed, and some I just don't have any more in common with. But, I've got a few friends who have been there for me thru thick and thin.....I just wish they lived closer to me, a couple of them are about 85 miles away, not all that great of a distance, but far enough.

[grandmadeb]

I do not keep in touch with high school or college friends. I met Allyson in 1971 when I got my first teaching job right out of college. We became best friends and still are. We shop together, travel together and call each other daily. We are on the same wave length and know what the other one is thinking. Her family is my family and mine hers. We even bought property upstate NY on Lake Ontario together. We will be living right next door to each other. Our husbands understood that neither one of us would go without the other. I would be lost without her.

[cloedoll]

I feel bad for those who haven't got really compatible riding friends. It's just so nice to have some companionship out on trail... for fun and safety's sake.Yeah, it definitely stinks. =/
But I'm happy with what I have (:

[carla]

Well hello again, twin sister! :D

I am just like you. I have ONE, and only one, best friend. We met on the first day of 4th grade. We both mentioned horses on our little introduction/name thing you do in grammar school, and it was all over from there, lol. To this day, almost twenty years later, she has always been like my sister, and the only friend I have ever trusted implicitly with anything I could possibly need to.

I have had other friends along the way, yes, but just haven't been like that with them. We'll drift apart, be friendly for a while and then drift again. They know I'm here if they need me and vice-versa, but we have nothing like I have with my bff.

So ya, I know what you mean, too! :D

edit- OH- and she's a great riding partner, too! (she's the one in one or two of my pics.. well, the back of her head anyway)

[Kaitlyn]

Ok y'all I'm not hijacking this thread I need to vent, my friend and I were supposed to hang out Tuesday night, she ignores my texts, my IMs, no calls nothing and then I wished everyone Happy tday yesterday she's like hey girl wanna get together later tonight? Um thanks for remembering I was going out of town all the rest of the week. I swear she doesn't care. She's so wrapped up in her stupid @$$ drama and doesn't give two craps about the only friend that will always be there for her. I give up. :(

[Kaitlyn]

Aw GrandmaDeb that's an awesome story!

[FoxFireEMT]

Sounds like your all pretty lucky. I know I can always count on my sister-n-law, (best friend since before that happened) but I just don't like to bug her for peddy stuff.

thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts...

I guess this time of year brings up feelings of saddness over missing my best friend who passed away. That's my biggest issue I think! LOL

But my BFF is the best. Really what would I do with out him?

[oursarge]

I never had alot of friends, I'd have a couple good friends and figured that was all I needed. In high school I had 2 real good friends and one is still my friend even though I'm in PA and she's in TX we talk all the time and e-mail. The other one I was friends with until I lost her to cancer in 1999. That has been very hard. We were friends since we were 13 and I miss her every day.

I've always marched to my own drummer so it's hard for me to be friends with anyone. I am a home body and don't like to go alot of places with anyone. I'm happiest home with my man and my animals which I guess was good when I moved here because I really never had any friends here but my husband and animals. When my horse died and I went to the local stable that's when I met my trainer and friend. We just have so much in common we became fast friends, we talk on the phone for hrs and I go up there for hrs and alot of times when she's training we hardly talk I watch her work which I love doing. It's alot of fun. We work good together, she can sometimes read my mind and I can read hers we don't need to talk sometimes. We both have been the same as far as friends go, not having alot so we understand each other. Her whole family has "adopted" us and it's nice, after living here so long I finally feel like I belong somewhere. I still want to move though I just want them to move with us!

[Gliderider]

Oh I understand where you are coming from FoxFireEMT.
My best friend is my hubby which I am not complaining at all but it is sometimes nice to have another female to share with and hang out. My BF from High school lives 4 hours away and we both have got busy with are own spouse and children. I so wish we could live closer together. I have a few friends here but they are not reliable most times.

[FoxFireEMT]

Yep... I guess sometimes life just gets in the way. I finally got to see my friend that (seems to blow me off all the time tonight). For a little bit, it was nice. Def. wasn't like the days we use to have! ha ha.

[vicklynn]

I hear ya. My best friends dont live in the same state I do. I have A friend that I hang out with when time allows. Trust is my biggest issue, and my friend is being put to the test while Im away.

[JackieB]

I think we can see from everyone's comments that it's rare to have a true best friend. I read a quote somewhere that said a person is likely to only have one or two such friends in a lifetime (if that, I suppose), and it takes a very long time to build such a relationship.

I'm really fortunate in that I do have a best friend of 40+ years now. We treasure our relationship with each other and stay in close touch even though we live 100 miles away from each other now.

[FoxFireEMT]

Yep my Mom always told me I only need 1 true "best Friend" and that's it. She's right. It's just building a friendship & trust like that again. :)

[cowgirlup@idaho]

FoxFire, you're still grieving for your 'passed' friend. It's normal and can sometimes take years. Holidays can bring feelings to the forefront too. You still love your friend and that's ok. You think about her almost everyday because you are still healing from the loss.

[Remali]

Foxfire.....I know what you mean about feeling sad about a friend that has passed on. One of my best friends passed away from cancer (it was many years ago), and I still feel horribly sad on the holidays, she passed away right before Christmas.

It is hard to develop trust in a friend. I recently had a "friend" (or so I thought she was a friend) make a nasty comment about my health issues (I have a couple chronic health problems), it just shocked me that anyone would say such a thing, needless to say this person is no longer a friend. I know who my true friends are, they have always been honest and like my second family, and even tho a couple of them live a distance from me, we still stay in touch on a regular basis..... like they say, it is best to get rid of "toxic" friends.

[Jack]

I have an only one true friend in my entire life so far. We have been friends for five years and counting. I do have other friends, but it’s not same thing. Before she comes along, I was in the same boat you’re in now.