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Horserider
10-09-2008, 01:34 PM
Read and critique if you like. It's for my english class.

Animal Abuse – A Problem of Understated Importance

Jeremy Bentham once said, “The question is not, “Can they reason?” nor, “Can they talk?” but rather, “Can they suffer?” There have been 1,305 cases of animal neglect and abuse recorded in the US so far this year. This number has remained relatively consistent for the last decade. Animal abuse is still a major problem and it must be addressed.
Animal abuse and neglect are both separate issues. Abuse is the intentional mistreatment of an animal. Neglect is the failure to provide adequate food, water, shelter or veterinary care. However both issues are very prevalent and serious. Many of you are wondering: Why should I care? Does it really matter how animals are treated? Of course it does. For example intentional cruelty to animals can stem from psychological distress. Oftentimes people are treat animals badly may also abuse their wives or children in the same way. Studies in psychology, criminology and sociology over the last 25 years have shown that violent offenders frequently have histories of serious and repeated animal cruelty. Animal abuse and neglect is a national problem that should be addressed properly. In 2007 there were 1,909 cases of animal cruelty and neglect reported in the US and in 2006 there were 2,338 cases reported. It’s safe to assume that there are many, many more cases every year that go unreported and unresolved. Every year hundreds of animals suffer cruelty at their owner’s and sometimes their owner’s friends and family’s hands. As is well known by animal lovers and proven by much research despite what many people may try to believe animals are very intelligent and can feel just as well as the rest of us.
The first solution I propose is stricter laws for animal abuse and neglect. Neglect may stem from ignorance, but that doesn’t make it any better than abuse and therefore the two should be considered equally though the punishments may not be equal depending on the case. Did you know that there are no federal laws on animal abuse and neglect? The court decision depends on the law of the state the crime was commited in. All states now have laws covering animal abuse and neglect, but the severity of the punishment varies widely be state. It is only a misdemeanor in Alaska, Arkansas, Idaho, Mississippi, North Dakota and South Dakota. Animal abuse and neglect is a felony in all other states. The punishments vary regarding jail time and fines. For example the maximum jail time in Alabama and Louisiana is 10 years and in Mississippi and North Carolina it’s only 6 months. Another example is the maximum fines. The largest is Colorado with $500,000 and the smallest is in $1,000 in South Dakota, Rhode Island, North Carolina, Mississippi, and Arkansas. These statistics show that the punishment is wildly erratic. That is why I propose that there should be federal laws regarding animal abuse. Many state laws are fairly lax regarding animal abuse. Federal laws should at least address a minimum for the punishment of animal abuse.
Another solution that I would like to propose is education. If owners were properly educated in animal care then perhaps there wouldn’t be as many neglect cases. Many neglect cases are the result of ignorance. Some pet owners just don’t realize that there animal requires constant access to food, water and shelter and requires veterinary care. Some people even believe that animals are more like lawn ornaments and furniture than living creatures. Therefore they must be educated that this is not true. Pet stores and breeders bear some of the fault with this. They should be more careful when selling their animals to make sure they are going to owners that know about their care. Many abandoned animals are the result of owners taking on more than they could handle. If pet stores and breeders were to explain the requirements of owning such an animal to the buyer than perhaps they would know more about what they were taking on. There should also be education on matters such as having your pets fixed so they do not breed. While many people may want puppies and kittens because they’re so cute they may not have the ability to care for them when they arrive and find caring homes for them. This can be helped by education also. TV is one way to do this. We’ve all seen the commercials about buckling up, not driving drunk, and not smoking. Would it be possible to get some about proper pet care or adopting from a shelter instead of breeding if you want another pet? Of course! There are many ways to educate the public about animals and proper animal care. They just need to be done.
Animal abuse will remain a problem until it is addressed. The solutions I’ve listed are just a couple ways we can do this. I’m sure there are many more, but nothing will be done as long as no one cares and those that do stand on the sidelines. Many are battling for animal rights already and it’s time something got done. As for the answer to Jeremy Bentham’s question: “Can they suffer?” the answer is “Yes they can.”

magayle
10-09-2008, 03:10 PM
;)great essay!!!

JackieB
10-09-2008, 06:00 PM
Hi Horserider,

It's an excellent essay in terms of the strength of your points, assessment of the problem of animal abuse and neglect, and proposed solutions. You've really thought this out, and I'd be impressed if I was your teacher.

However, you do have room for improvement if you want to turn in an outstanding essay. Here are two suggestions that amount to about an hour's worth of work on your part and would really add clarity and cohesion to your essay.

1. Break your essay into small paragraphs of four or five lines each. I see that you do have paragraphs that aren't showing up quite as well because there isn't a double space between them, but they are still too long. Shorter paragraphs allow the reader to "catch his/her breath" between your ideas. The overall essay has a cleaner look to it as well, kind of like the difference between a clean tack room and a messy one.

2. Once you have your paragraphs broken out, look for sentences that you might want to move because they fit better elsewhere in the essay. In reading my own work, I'll often see where I have either repeated myself, or stated a point that really belongs in a different paragraph. Moving sentences as necessary helps strengthen individual points and keeps the reader from saying "Didn't I just read that?"

I'll be glad to show you what I mean if you wish, but I think you should try it yourself first. Or, you can turn the essay in pretty much as you have it written. I saw a couple of minor word errors, but nothing significant.

Good Job!

vicklynn
10-09-2008, 06:10 PM
Prof JackieB has spoken...

cloedoll
10-09-2008, 06:17 PM
Overall I think it sounds really good. You know what you are talking about and you sound passionate about the topic.

•I notice several grammatical errors, I would correct everything, but that would take up a lot of space. PM me if you would like.

•My English teachers always tells me whenever I am writing a research paper to refrain at all costs from using the word you. Here is an example I read when you used the word you:

Did you know that there are no federal laws on animal abuse and neglect?You do not want to ask the reader questions or use the word you, unless it's a persuasive or informal paper.

Here are a couple of other things I noticed.

Oftentimes people are treat animals badly may also abuse their wives or children in the same way.

•Why is it just wives and children? What if the abuser is a female, would she not abuse her husband?

It’s safe to assume that there are many, many more cases every year that go unreported and unresolved.

•I would change the many, many to just many. You could maybe change it to the word numerous as well.

The court decision depends on the law of the state the crime was commited in.

•The correct spelling is committed.

I also second everything JackieB stated.

Again, I really like the paper so far and I hope you take no offense to anything I said, I was just pointing out some things that caught my eye. (:

Horserider
10-09-2008, 06:29 PM
Ok thanks everyone. This is just a rough draft of my essay. I made a couple corrections and will turn it in tomorrow. :)

Why is it just wives and children? What if the abuser is a female, would she not abuse her husband?


Didn't mean to sound one-sided. That's just what came into my head at the time I was writing it.

The correct spelling is committed.

Thanks for spotting that. I did a spell check and fixed it, but I must not have saved the changes afterward. I fixed it before I printed.

My English teachers always tells me whenever I am writing a research paper to refrain at all costs from using the word you.

My english teacher told me the same thing. I didn't realize that I used to word you so much...

You do not want to ask the reader questions or use the word you, unless it's a persuasive or informal paper.


:p It is a persuasive paper. :)

cloedoll
10-09-2008, 06:31 PM
:p It is a persuasive paper. :)

You shouldn't have to worry then unless your English teacher specifically said for this persuasive paper you should not use the word you. (:

I hope I didn't sound rude or anything I was just trying to point out some things. :)