Is it too soon?

[Country Girl 43]

I had to go move some horses around today, since we brought Dallas home yesterday.

Chy wanted me to bring her saddle and new breast collar and headstall. We went to see all the horses, and I asked Chy if she wanted to ride Missy. She said she did, so I saddled her up. The new tack looked nice on Missy.

Chy rode her around, then went to the arena. She walked around, then asked if she could trot, I told her to do what ever she was comfortable with. Of course the arena is still pretty muddy in places so she could only stay close to the rail. After Chy got done Nico got on and just walked around.

When they were done the kids just wandered off. They didn't help to un tack her, and while riding Missy, I looked at Cheyenne and she had a sad look on her face. I didn't push it and left it alone. I already knew what she was thinking. But what puzzled me is Cheyenne kept asking if she could ride Dallas....:huh: I don't know what to think of that.

Is it too soon to ask them if they want to ride? Should I wait till they ask me or should I make them ride Missy. The kids have a gymkhana coming up on the 11th and they need to practice. I told them we could take Missy up to the event arena and practice this week if they want and they said OK.

I just don't know. :( It's hard enough on me going out to feed, I can't imagine how it is on them.

[mandisue]

If they spend time with Missy it/being with her should help them heal. I'm sure it's going to be rough on them at first though. I'm also sure that first gymkhana is going to be hard especially on Chy, she'll be thinking of Ladybird. All wounds heal with time, that's just it though it does take time and I think sometimes that's the hardest part.


Although I don't know why she was asking about Dallas?:huh: Maybe he makes her think of Lady and maybe being with Miss makes her think shes cheating on Ladybird. As tanya said, let them tell you when they're ready. You're doing great and asking them what they want is probably the best way.

[TLC97]

Sounds like the kids are telling you already what they need. If they were ok riding Missy use your judgement on them riding Dallas. You know your kids best. I am sure they are having a hard time like you are, but you have good kids with a good head on their shoulders. If you think sitting down and talking with them about it would help then do that and ask them if they are ready to ride.

Each person handles things differently. You have a good relationship with your kids and you are a good mom. They will let you know what they need.

[Country Girl 43]

Yeah, we talk about Ladybird daily. We bring up some of the funny things she did. And some of the best days when we had her all sparkling clean.

One of the things that drew us to Missy is her face was exactly like Ladybirds, just a different color. Her eyes are gentle and she is so easy going.

I don't force the kids to do anything with the horses right now, except I do make them come with me to feed at least once during the day. I don't make them come out if it is after dark, as that is when they spent their last moments with Ladybird.

[vicklynn]

Thats a toughy. You bought Missy for the kids, and Dallas for you. Im thinking Missy may feel left out if the kids dont ride her. Dallas just got out of training, and if it were me, Id still be the primary rider on a horse fresh out of training. Missy needs the kids.

I feel bad for Mystic when people come over and eww and aww over City, Mystic gets left out(so I go love on her). Do you think that Missy will feel left out if the kids dont eww and aww over her???

[GrungeEquestrian]

When the first horse I ever seriously rode, Tasha, passed away I was heart broken. She was only 14 years old and she was the horse that taught me how to be a rider. When she passed away I told my mom I didn't want to take lessons anymore. My mom told me that if that was what I really wanted then I could but to give it a month before I decided. Within that month I began to ride a mare that was colored similar to Tasha which made it hard and she was an Arabian while Tasha was a Quarab. Freckles was her name and with her it was easier to let Tasha go and find happiness when it came to horses again. I saw the same spirit and attitude in Freckles that was in Tasha and I treasure both of those mares. Freckles made it so I was able to put a smile on my face when I thought of Tasha and what a great mare she truly was.

So I don't think you should force your kids to ride, but encourage them to ride Missy. It is still going to be hard of course Ladybird was an amazing horse but for me it made it go by smoother knowing that God had spent me another angel.

[pandorasmom]

I'm still so sorry for all of you! I don't have any advice except if it were me I would probably want to be around another horse more so then not. That's just me. When something happens like that I tend to go back to the other critters and just love on them all the more.

Still sending thoughts and prayers.

[jeezitsjacki]

I think I would let them ask you when they want to ride, and not push it too much. But then I would start to if they arent picking up any interest. They probably know that missy was like a replacement for ladybird, so that is probably hard for them. I would just encourage them to help with missy, but not force anything on them for a few days.. it is still pretty soon

[TheBadLands]

I have to agree.. let them tell you. As a mom, who lost a long time equine companion, it is hard.. Alex doesn't ride anymore at all.. and is now thinking of riding again. He like Dena alot.. of course he can't ride HER yet.. she's too green.. but he's hinted at riding.. "Mom, do they have a horse here who is old? Or one that acts old?" I think he's thinking of George when he says this.

Your kids may heal through riding other horses. Mine personally is healing through forgetting horses. I wish he wouldnt, but everyone copes differently.

I healed by finding a new discipline.. I still train dressage horses. But it hurts sometimes. Especially when I get those wonky new TBs in.... right off the track. And I seem to get a lot of those big old bays like George. But it helps sometimes. If I can make myself think of all the good similarities..

You never forget.. but you do move on. and you find that love when you're not looking. Could be any one of your horses.. or a whole new one. But your kids (and you) will find what you are looking for.. in time.

[SedonaThunder]

My childish thought... Dallas is Mom's horse (it might be fun to ride her if I miss riding...) but Missy is Ladybirds replacement (I know deep down it's not her fault Ladybird passed but right now I'm still angry and need someone to blame... I don't want to give her attention).

[Country Girl 43]

Oh Vicky, I wouldn't let the kids ride Dallas yet. I'm still nervous on him and he is as mellow as can be right now. Chy rode him at the trainers in a round pen. I am just puzzled why she keeps asking to ride Dallas?? Maybe because he was the horse we bought after getting Ladybird. I just don't know.

Grunge..I don't know who is hurtng more, the kids or myself. I don't even want to go out to the horses. I fed tonight and broke down crying. Usually Ladybird is the one that comes up first talking to me. There was no talking tonight from any of them. :(

PAndora...thanks...I have been letting the kids spend extra time with their friends.

Jeezitsjacki....yes, the kids knew that Missy was going to replace Ladybird, because we were retiring Ladybird. We had been talking about it for awhile and just before Christmas we had all agreed that Ladybird was done. They understood, but having Ladybird fly away so suddenly is hard on them. I am trying not to push them.

Thebadlands...I almost have the same feelings as Alex. I almost want to get rid of our horses, but I know it will take time. I won't sell them, but I do wish I could get away from them for a little while. It's hard having to go out there every day. But my boarding gal is out of town and when she leaves, I care for all the horses while she is gone.

I came home crying tonight after feeding the horses, Nico asked me if I was sick, and Chy popped up and said, "no she misses Ladybird", then Nico hugged me for a long time. I let Nico have a friend spend the night last night and now Chy has one of her friends spending the night tonight. Not something we usually do, but it helps to keep the kids minds off Ladybird.

[Country Girl 43]

Sedona...that makes alot of sense too, when thinking of it in a childs mind. :)

Pssst...Dallas is a boy...;)

[lovesfortune]

Lots of good advice already. I hope you and the kids find some sort of peace while you are out at the barn.

[pandorasmom]

Anytime!:)
I'm not sure if it helps any or not, but back in 2003 we had a real rough year with our goats. We were having abortions right and left and our vet had no clue why, just as much as we did. We were loosing all these little babies who only had a week or two left and they would've been ready.
The problem with goats is their lungs finish developing at the end of the gestation period, so if they are born even a week early their lungs can't handle it.
We had faught so long and lost 15 or 20 kids that year. The vet said then and to this day he didn't know what caused it. We had bloodwork done, and all sorts of test ran and never figured it out.
I know we didn't know those kids long like y'all did with Ladybird, but the thing I'm trying to say, is we were ready to get out of the goats ourselves. We just got so frustrated! We were thinking of just selling the bucks and keeping the does and having no more babies. We kept fighting though and to this day have only had a couple abortions since which were related to other things we believe.
I guess after all that rambling I'm just saying, give lots of hugs to your other horses as they still need you, and in time some of the hurt will leave, and you'll be able to remember all the good times you shared with Ladybird, and still have your other horses there once some of the inital hurt leaves.
I hate anyone having to go through something like this, as I know how I have felt loosing my kiddos and besides time, and being around friends who understand you, I don't know what else to do.
My thoughts and prayers are with you though as I know this is not an easy time for you.

Hugs,
Sharon

[gaited07]

Life still goes on and the interest will come back in due time. Ladybird was a very special horse that is unforgettable but soon their love will grow for Missy.
I would talk with Chy and Nico and ask them if they need more time to adjust. Let them know the gymkhana is coming up soon and if they would like to proceed forward to the show or postpone it, either way, you support their decision.

[valleyrider]

I think you have lots of good advice here already.. I agree, do not push the horses on your kids.. let them get into it on their own. They will in time. At least there are other horses for them to love and take care of so in time the hurt will heal and Missy & Dallas will help fill that empty feeling all of you are experiencing. When my 28 year old QH died from choke(in the vets hospital alone not at home with me)I was devastated. I felt horrible that I could not be there for him. I had such an empty feeling. It still hurts to this day more than loosing any other horse I had. I still feel guilty for not being there with him when he needed me most. For the first time in many years I was horseless. I knew I needed another to care for and love to help my hurt go away.. Every one heals different,, children heel different.

[Flair]

We all find healing in our own ways, I think. And find our way back in the saddle in our own time and way.

For me, losing Flair was devastating. The old boy meant the world to me, and he was the center of my world. At the risk of sounding odd, he was my Significant Other ... and I talked about him as if he was a person. It must have had something to do with getting him just before high school and then my friends growing away from horses, and getting into boys, and me pretty much just staying a horse crazy kid ... the old boy was that one constant in my life for years and years.

Well, he colicked. Probably very similar situation to Ladybird. When they took him up to the clinic and did the belly tap, and got back the blood-red fluid, all I could think about was letting him go because there was nothing to do, and I had to be strong for him. So it hurt. A lot. I spent the first two days in utter shock and took off work. And then stayed away from the stable for a week before going back to pack up some of my things, and take Flair's senior feed and stuff over to the therapeutic riding place for donating to feed their oldersters (in a way, I think that's largely one of the reasons why they let me have Mitch for less than what they were asking ... what goes around, come around)

I climbed back into the saddle two weeks later. It helped it was a horse I'd never ridden, but a friend let me ride him. And the saddle was my own, but one I had ordered for Flair that didn't arrive until after he died. So I was able to come to terms with my grief and loss, and know that what meant the world to me was riding, and that Flair would have been the first one to tell me to get back in the saddle. I leased a mare for a couple of months, and then eventually was able to buy my own horse again. I still feel Flair's presence, and have dreamed about him, and miss him a lot, but I think he's come back in my dreams occasionally to tell me that Mitch is good for me.

I don't know if it's too late, since I don't know if you get any tail hair from Ladybird, but have you thought about making (or having made) some horsehair tassles to hang off Missy's bridle. I have one on my bridle, along with a little bridle tag that says Flair on it. That way, I know Flair's riding with me in spirit.