**Maid of Honor RANT**

[FoxFireEMT]

Excuse me for my longwindedness ahead of time! ;)

I was asked by a childhood friend to be her Maid of Honor in her wedding coming up in May. Although, I dreaded ( knowing her & growing up with her, how this would be) I said yes, of course! It HAS been nothing but HELL for the last 5 months and the end isn't really even near yet! 1st of all (again this is a good friend of mine, so don't take me as a cold hearted BEE OTCH), she is seriously bridezilla. Now on her behalf (it's her BIG day) she has the right to be! But my biggest & most irritating aspect of it all is the MOTHER of the Bride!! Mother of the bride is a lot like the Bride herself, whats to DO nothing but get the credit for EVERYTHING! I am currently trying to "plan" the bridal shower (fun stuff, on top of nursing school, work & home life) and her MOTHER is absolutely NO help! :mad::mad::mad:Her mother won't put up any money to "rent" a place to hold this shower. I resorted to using my "own" mothers house. How we will fit 45 + people in my mothers house is beyond me! I just pray that only half the people show up!! HER mother assureed me that not everyone will wanna come due to distance to be travelled or they just dont' talk to them. Makes me feel better but then again, YOU never know! Hey if you want to be crowded, then that's your problem!! :doh: Then I finally decide on 2 weekends to choose the final shower from, I asked my fellow brides maids & MOM of bride & of mother (since it's at her house) which day would work for them all. (okay dont' have a point 4 that last sentence) BUT in that same email I said to send some ideas 4 food, decor, games etc etc to help me with the planning. MOM of BRIDE writes back to me ~ "WE GOT TO FEED THESE PEOPLE?" CAN you believe her? She is so ruthless & doesnt' give a damn! It's her ONLY daughters wedding, you mean to tell me this women has never been to a bridal shower. (granted I know that all showers are different but it's just "nice" to feed people or at least give them something to munch on! :mad: Okay here more to complicate the issue. THE bride & rest of crew live in Pa (where I'm orginally from) I live in DE. Soooo you can imagine how it may be a little hard to do somethings like call around for places to rent etc etc. MOM of bride refuses to call anywhere else after she didnt' get the answer she wanted to hear at the VERY 1st place she called!!! Then the MOM OF BRIDE HAD THE PEROGATIVE TO CALL MY SIS N LAW (who is 2nd bridesmaid) AND TELL HER SHE DOESNT' THINK I CAN HANDLE IT ALL AND THAT I'M FREAKING OUT!!! Hello, you F IN LADY I'm freaking out because you are not "stepping" up & helping like a MOM of bride is suppose to be. You are not pitching in money for your only daughters shower. You bitch about everythign I bring up & go behind my back & assume I can't do things. HELP, yes I need it. BUT my fellow bridesmaids have been doign their part, its the MOM of BRIDE who isn't doing her part! UGH! :mad:

I was half temped today to tell the BRIDE SHE should put sis n law as MOH. I'm so ticked I could cry. BRIDE has taken over my family & is better friends with my sis N law anyway, so why did she even pick me to begin with. I'm frustrated with this whole thing!!!

ugh... thanks 4 letting me vent!

[dustys_girlly]

have to love what a wedding will do you people and what it will bring out in people.
sorry you are having to through that.

[WashingtonBay]

Oooooh this is a dangerous vent, but I bet it feels good.

I say dangerous because I vented about a friends' wedding once, and she found me out.

Doesn't make anything I said not true! Just made it a pretty bad scene with the bridezilla.

But anyhow... You know, in this setting, with what's happened already, I might consider a large restaurant... everyone self pays for food. Cleanup is done for you, just tip the poor waitstaff well and consider that you've gotten off easy.

[Equine_Woman]

I think that's brilliant WB. Have it at a restaurant!!! And I'm no help because I always thought the maid of honor was in charge of all the details on the shower, as well as the fundage. . . but I am sorry you are stressed!!!!!

[FoxFireEMT]

equine: Your absolutely right & that is what I was told. I had no problem with that. I simple asked about the building to rent b/c the MOM of bride offered it up, saying she could get it next to nothing and said she wanted to get it. Then next thing you know she's saying she can't. No biggy. But what is really making me mad is she wants all the credit. She emailed me the day the girl got engaged & told me she wanted to get the shower started. At that time the wedding was appox 2 yrs away!! I told her several times she is not obligated to do anything, but enjoy it & be there. But she wants to dip in everything & bitch about everything.

WB your right about the vent. But I've been holding this in for the last several days/weeks & if I didn't write about it somewhere I was going to send a nasty email to someone or something. I don't appreciate being made like I'm not capable of something!

[FoxFireEMT]

O and mark my words if & when I ever get married ~ I'm runnig away to get married! LOL

[oursarge]

I am so sorry and I sure don't envy you. I could write a book about the one time I was a maid of honor [Or best lady as I call it] in a wedding. My cousin and I were just talking about it a few weeks ago, now it's funny, we laughed 'til we cried but at the time it was a NIGHTMARE. I thought I'd be splitting the shower costs with 2 other people since that's what I was told but they decided they didn't want to be in the wedding so I ended up with the whole shower bill plus over $400. for the dress etc. After that one I said never again, I didn't care who it was I'd never be in another wedding.

After all of that the marriage only lasted like 3 yrs. OH WELL. Good luck, I hope it all goes smoothly but I sure can understand everything you are saying, I was so stressed I started to cry in K-mart over paper goods for the shower. Oh yeah then she invited everyone and their sister to the shower and I kept getting refusals back, couldn't figure that out [can't say I was sorry because I couldn't afford all the people invited] then one person wrote a note and said they didn't even know the bride. It turned out her man told her to invite ALL the women from his church. Did I say it already? I know I did but I'll say it again WHAT A NIGHTMARE. I know you can't back out but if you could I'd tell you to run as fast as you can!!!!! Oh yeah one last thing since people came from away our house ended up the place the men crashed while the women were at the shower so we had to feed the men here along with the women at the shower!!!! RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Really though I hope it all goes smoothly and nobody gets in to arguments and people don't get upset with each other, I don't know what turns brides to be into crazy people but it happens.

[FoxFireEMT]

LOL OURSARGE ~ you always crack me up!!

It's been crazy. I'm happy 4 her but I'll tell you what, one thing is for sure. I'll never put ANY ONE of my friends through this.

Fights, arguements ~ with this family I am sure it's going to happen. Every get together it does with them! You should of seen when they had a graduation party 4 her when she graduated nursing school.

[WashingtonBay]

I'll never put ANY ONE of my friends through this.


Best outcome there can be. :)

I don't give brides a pass to act this way, or their mothers, but it's almost expected and encouraged.

Phoooey. Lots of young women here.... don't do it! If you ever catch yourself excusing your behavior by saying "It's my DAYYYYY!!!!!!" Stop. And slam your fingers in the door three times or until you no longer feel tempted to say this again. Your wedding is not an excuse to become a spoiled prima dona. :cowboy: Plan a fun party, have fun doing it, but keep it in perspective, and plan it for your guests to enjoy, not just you. You'll have more fun if they are. My two cents.

[mare]

I don't do weddings just because of this kind of stuff. *shudder* I've seen too many friends try to make it the "perfect" day for their daughters and it ends up being a catastrophe with hurt feeling on top.

I have three daughters. I will give them a relatively small amount of money (the only married one got $1000). They can either have a party or save it and we'll do a carry-in dinner/reception or whatever they want.

I work with old people, mostly. Things didn't used to be this way! The women wore a nice dress that they had, or bought one that could be used and remembered each time they wore it. This stuff I hear about is just the result of good marketing by the industry. Keep it simple and make it happy. The people are what's important.

[WashingtonBay]

Agree! What we ended up with was just a nice, casual party that was fun for everyone. I think it was the best wedding ever, and I don't think I'm the only one who thinks that!

You know what I think greatly improves weddings? Don't hire a photographer. As soon as you hire a photographer for a few to several thousand dollars, the focus changes from just enjoying the day, to making it look perfect in pictures. The pictures take longer and are more important than the actual ceremony.

Everyone these days has a digital camera, and will bring it. Don't worry, there will be pictures. :)

Just a theory :innocent: I digress....

[starkitten]

I was MOH for my older sister - thank god my mother was a saint and helped me out. I was only 20 and had no money (poor college student :( )

I swear I was so uncomfortable during the whole thing - I promised my mother no big wedding for me - I'll elope with a party after we get home (she then paid off my old student loan ;) Gotta love my mom - LOL.

I don't envy you - weddings are a nightmare.... I've lived with my SO for 8 years and the thought of getting married gives me the shivers - hehehehe.

[FoxFireEMT]

I'm so glad I am not the only one who thinks these things are a pain. I believe given a different "person" it would be slightly different but then again I guess you never know. I always said I didn't want a big wedding & this just concretes my thoughts. If I do (by the grace of god) get talked into a wedding instead of "aloping" I will always keep this in the back of my mind! LOL.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts & advice. I did talk to my Mom & she made me feel much better. She knows the family (as I mentioned this is a childhood friend) so she knows their ways.

[vicklynn]

Wow, I didnt know the MOH was suppose to pay for the parties...wow. I thought the brides parents were suppose to fork the funds, and the MOH makes the plans, with help of the brides mother, as needed.

Sorry your dealing with this stress. As the MOH, Id have a sit down with the bride and get yours and her details down, and tell her what is going on. It is her wedding ya know, she should be the top priority, not her mother.

[alittleoffkey]

I'm glad you feel better. :) I agree with WB, it's supposed to be a celebration, not an anal-retentive, obcessive, hoity-toity affair. Take them to a restaruant and have everyone pay on their own if that's what her Mom thinks.

I'm still trying to convince everyone that Will and I should get married in my grandparents' pasture, and have a pot-luck reception. :D

[WashingtonBay]

I got married at our beach house, outside, on the beach, and we asked everyone to wear beach clothes. Kids built sand castles... and pot luck would not have been out of the question!

As it was, I think we ordered several deli trays from Safeway with meat and cheese, sandwiches, fruit and I think someone was making hot dogs. :)

We didn't stay long. That's my other main recommendation! The bride and groom need to split after no more than an hour. :)

[oursarge]

LOL OURSARGE ~ you always crack me up!!

It's been crazy. I'm happy 4 her but I'll tell you what, one thing is for sure. I'll never put ANY ONE of my friends through this.

Fights, arguements ~ with this family I am sure it's going to happen. Every get together it does with them! You should of seen when they had a graduation party 4 her when she graduated nursing school.

Thank you, if I told you the whole story it would take pages and you'd think that I am related to the screwiest bunch of people in the history of man....well that's sort of true. We sat around my aunt's dining room table the night after Christmas and we talked about this wedding for 1/2 the night and laughed 'til we cried and then laughed some more. My aunt's sister never heard the whole story and the tears were coming down her face and she could barely catch her breath. You can not even believe the stuff that went on. It was the only wedding I was ever at where the thing everyone was saying was "I really hope they're happy" with a big ??? after it! It started out bad when we went to pick out the dresses and she's asking me what size his sisters take and what colors his sisters would like. While she's asking me that her mother is pulling hats off of the shelves trying them on and dancing in them and then I looked at the prices and about croaked, if she wrecked one of those hats she'd be taking it home and paying big $$$ for it! I said I didn't have a clue about sizes or colors since I didn't know the sisters and she didn't either and maybe she should ask them if they want to be in the wedding before ordering dresses when she didn't even know their sizes. Well I got looked at like I was from outer space so she said everyone is about a size 7 so she ordered 2 size 7 dresses for these girls she never met. She thought they'd be thrilled to be in the wedding, not only did they refuse to be in the wedding they were not attending the wedding.

2 of my cousins got drug in at the last minute and when my uncle found out he had 2 days to come up with over $400. we were following them back from the bridal shop going 90 mph [NO LIE I thought we were going to die that night because of stupid ugly dresses] trying to keep up with him going through all these little towns because we didn't know the way and all's we could see was him not even watching the road he was looking at my aunt and my cousins while he was drivign and his hand was going up and down and he was YELLING. How we got back home safely is a miracle but it sure was funny. Everyone they hired to do things quit, the flower person, cake person, photographer, ushers, the best man wanted to quit but they made him stay since he was the brother of the bride....it was one disaster after the other. The wedding cake was dayglow orange, pink and lime green. I didn't think a cake could be so ugly....oh yeah we got kicked out of the reception place too. I haven't even hit all the highlites, it was just one thing after the other.

I wanted to elope, I have no use for weddings, since that one I pretty much avoid them like the plague. We had a wedding with like 150 people most of them MY relatives. That was 140 people more than I wanted there. We just had a quick wedding [I wanted my dog to be the maid of honor but my mother had a fit] and had a dinner in the church basement and sent everyone on their way. I had to be drugged out of my mind just do do that little bit, I was so nervous. We did have a photographer but I told him don't be following me around with the camera clicking at every turn, just take a few highlites and that's it. I didn't even want him but I got outvoted.

Anyway good luck I hope it all goes smoothly and nobody kills each other. Hopefully some funny things will happen so in 20+ yrs you can still be laughing about it like we are.

[mare]

We didn't stay long. That's my other main recommendation! The bride and groom need to split after no more than an hour. :)

Big agree on that one. Do everyone a favor! The happy couple can throw an all nighter of their very own in their very own house and clean it their very own selves.

Can ya tell I usually help friends clean the halls to get the deposits back on the next day? lol

[star197]

I say dangerous because I vented about a friends' wedding once, and she found me out.



LOL a little off topic but it reminds me of the time my friend forwarded me an email from another acquaintance. This email had a number of recipients and was regarding ideas for an upcoming party. I responded to my friend about how dumb some of the ideas were, along with a couple items of gossip. I don't know what I did but I must have hit "reply to all" instead of just replying to my friend, because my email went back out to everyone on the list. Needless to say, i wasn't invited to the party! (And yes, believe me I did learn my lesson. Any email I reply to with multiple recipients I cut and paste! And not to gossip if I'm not willing to face the consequences:rolleyes: )

Anyway Foxfire - hope the next few months of this will be better than the last. And since many people probably wouldn't travel that far for a shower, hopefully it will be easier to manage. Gotta love those mothers-of-the-brides though! When my husband and I were married 20+ years ago, we had a private ceremony with just immediate family. It was either that, or invite all the extended family which would have been too expensive. We were saving up for a house and I'm glad we did it that way.

[WashingtonBay]

Reply-all is an evil feature that has gotten many in trouble. ;)

[FoxFireEMT]

O those damn reply all has gotten me in trouble a few times. Well I don't mind telling my friend a single thing if I had to. Do I wish to ruining her moment no, but if it came up that I was *ranting* about her mother on my forum, then yep, I have no problem fessing up to it. Wouldn't be the first time I told her or her mom what I thought! LOL

[Lakota's Pet]

And this was the biggest reason why I got married the way I did. I did not want all this aggravation, or the flared tempers because someone didn't like the way it was being done. My husband and I got married in my grandmothers backyard by a JP with just close family and friends in attendance. Then we had the reception at the firehouse with a friend that owned a restaurant catering. It was very laid back, the food was awesome, and we had a blast. And did I mention the rehearsal dinner was a campfire and cookout in my backyard. Granted I must have ticked my MIL off because I wouldn't change how I wanted some things done to suit her, cause she hasn't spoken to us since then, and that was 3 years ago. Oh well, my wedding, not hers.

Anyway, good luck, and I hope things get better for you. Stuff like this makes good friends enemies in the end.

[grandmadeb]

I have been in 3 weddings and for two of them I made the dress. The third was my brother's wedding and that was a fancy shindig indeed. My own wedding was small and dignified. 50 people at the reception, no garter or bouquet nonsense and no cake in the face and absolutely NO DOLLAR DANCE!!! I wore a tea length ecru colored gown and a hat. The men wore suits except the best man who left his clothes at home! He wore a sport coat and slacks that he borrowed. I had one attendant- my very best friend in the world. Her dress came from her closet. She had a child 3 months before and we did go shopping but she got frustrated so I told her to go home and find something that she liked in her closet and that would be fine.

[TLC97]

Ummmm, Fox... Not to get you wound up again, but the MOH is NOT supposed to pay for the entire bridal shower. The bridesmaids are expected to help with planning and setting up, and decorations but the MOB (Mother of bridezilla) is supposed to shell out some money here.

If you want to really have fun, say instead of gifts you are going to make it a pot-luck gathering:hysterical:

Why don't you ask the MOB to have it at her house? Put some pressure back on her.