What is polite??

[TLC97]

I need some manners help. I was raised to be polite and hold doors for people behind you, say thank you, etc. stuff like that.

Here is the situation: (remember I am 35 years old here so I have been doing this for a while)
I was leaving Barnes and Noble and the young kid infront of me (late teens early 20's) held the door for me and I held it for the older couple behind me. You know how you sort of reach behind you and hold it for them to the hold if for themselves, like that. The wife looked at me like I was the dirt on her shoe and walked past me. (I want to let the door go, I was soo pissed) and the husband then held it so I could leave and he just nodded at me a sort of "thank you nod". I got in the truck as Dicky and Jonathan had gone out while I was checking out and were waiting for me. Dicky (hubby) even mentioned it was rude what the lady did.

Is it "proper" to at least relieve the person holding the door? Or because this lady is "older" was I supposed to wait for her to clear it totally?

Let me say that this couple was very mobile, very well dressed, very dignified looking and got into their Mercedes. So maybe it is a class thing that I missed?

Any ideas????????

[grandmadeb]

It was a nice thing to do and I would have done it too. You should feel good about that even though it went unapprediated by the lady. Don't let her less than polite reaction spoil your day.
I would have had to resist the urge to call out "you're welcone" to her as she walked through the door with out thanking me.

[elevenelevenxo]

I live in a rather wealthy area of Columbus (despite the fact that I am no where NEAR the level of money these people are.....LOL. I drive a little Ford Focus and they all drive Hummers, Lexus SUVs, and BMWs..) and I experience this garbage a lot. You really have to chalk it up to THEM not having good manners.

I see nothing wrong with what you did...I probably would have said something sarcastically like "Wow, people sure are nasty these days..." but you took the high road, which is the best route. ;)

Who knows what this lady's problem was. Maybe she had Botox injections or something and always looks like that. :p

[TheRedHayflinger]

around here, people will say thank you to me if I hold the door open for them and smile..and if it's a guy, he'll take over holding the door (unless he has a walker or cane or something, y'know). If it's an older woman with someone, they usually take over holding the door, but both will usually say thank you.

[Tatesgram]

You don't need lessons. You, did the right thing. Maybe her prunes had just kicked in or something. Don't let that type of person control your natural graciousness or good manners, there are too few out there that still practice them. :)

[Ranger44]

grandmadeb, are we related? That was my thought exactly. Tanya it just shows that you do have "manners" since you noticed that she did not say thanks.

[TLC97]

Thanks guys. It was sort of a "what the heck" moment for me.
Had my son not been sitting there looking at me I might of had a different example.

I was telling my kids about this and they said for me to remember Karma and "pay it forward."

[Ranger44]

Sounds like your kids are being raised right! Good for you.

[vicklynn]

Sounds like you did the right thing. People can just be rude and NOT appreciate that you held it for as long as you did. Old grouchy witch, thats her problem, she was the rude one, not you.

honestly, Id of let the door go if she looked at me that way(experience has led me to do just that)

[TLC97]

Vick I really wanted to let the door slam in her face. BUT, my son was sitting there watching.

Ranger-I work with "Alternative kids" they maybe rough around the edges, but most do know polite and rude.

[elevenelevenxo]

Sounds like some great kids. :) You'd probably consider me to be an "alternative kid." Tattoos, piercings, and funky colored hair....though not currently with the hair. :(

My experience has been the people who you'd be least likely to expect to be a shining example of how you should act towards other people...typically do end up being that example. :)

[JackieB]

One thing I often remind myself is that we never know what's going on with the other person in these situations. Perhaps her husband had just told her that he was leaving her for his "younger" assistant at work and you were the next woman she saw. We really just don't know.

But more likely, she is just not the nicest person and she has spent much of her life looking down upon others. In that case, she is worthy of our pity because that's an awful character flaw.

Finally, I remind myself that it's important to be kind and polite regardless of how the other person reacts. Doing so helps the one offering the gesture (you) be the best person possible, and that's perhaps life's most worthy goal.

These are some of the ways that I have come to look at these situations. I had a situation not too long ago where I was trying to be courteous and allow another driver to get in the lane she wanted. She misunderstood my actions, thought I was slowing down to keep her from getting in, and gave me the universal obscene gesture (which I would never do to another person). Just one of those things that happens sometimes. I just tried to imagine that she was having a really tough day.

[HoustonFarrier]

..... She misunderstood my actions, thought I was slowing down to keep her from getting in, and gave me the universal obscene gesture (which I would never do to another person). ......

Jackie....Jackie.....Jackie.......yo have GOT to enjoy life's little pleasures when they are handed to you on a silver platter. When given the finger, the CORRECT response is to fire off a "double barrel" finger salute right back and watch the utter dismay caused by the retort :p:p LMAO !!!

Steve

[Dandy21]

I always struggle with the holding the door open thing. In part, I'm sure, because I go to an all women's college. But also... if a door opens outward and I get to it before a professor, I'll open the door for the professor. But I feel really bad when a professor holds a door open for me.

If I were leaving and heading in the same direction the doors opened, I'd have taken the door and thanked you. However, I've stood holding a door open for 15 minutes while tons of people walked in and out because no one would take the door from me. *Shrugs* Some people.

[Remali]

You were being the polite one....the woman is the one who needs a lesson in manners, she sounds like a snob who needs a big door to whap her a good one in the face.

[JackieB]

Jackie....Jackie.....Jackie.......yo have GOT to enjoy life's little pleasures when they are handed to you on a silver platter.
Steve

You aren't the first to say this to me. :):)

[TLC97]

Steve- This works much better------- When give the famous gesture and they are overly angry, I just give my biggest and best smile and wave (yes wave). They end up with the weirdest and best looks on their face I get to laugh, yet still smile!!!!!!!!!!!

Life is good. My husband said, maybe she was jeolous because I am still young enough to get some and she is too old to get any. Men, it always goes back to "that" LOL

[HoustonFarrier]

You aren't the first to say this to me. :):)

I have GOT to take you out and party !!!!!! LMAO :D

Steve

[JackieB]

I have GOT to take you out and party !!!!!! LMAO :D

Steve

I'll take you up on that sometime. Work used to bring me to Houston fairly often. I definitely think it will happen again in the future and you can bet that I won't visit without looking you up!

[HoustonFarrier]

I'll take you up on that sometime. Work used to bring me to Houston fairly often. I definitely think it will happen again in the future and you can bet that I won't visit without looking you up!

You're welcome anytime !!!:)

Steve

[JackieB]

You're welcome anytime !!!:)

Steve

Thank you. I definitely will take you up on that and visit when I'm in the area.

[carla]

And I have GOT to be there when JackieB and HF go out to party! :popcorn:

Tanya, I would have done/do the same thing, and I agree with everyone else. You just never know.

This does remind me of a great story though (I may have told it before, but for some reason it's just one of my faves): One night dh and I stopped at the gas station and he got out to get us something to drink. As he approached the door, this BIG man was coming out.. total Larry the Cable Guy attire, beard, cheek full of dip, etc.

So this guy held the door for hubby to get in, and the look on hubby's face as the man walked away was priceless. Remember I was watching from the car, so I could only see, not hear.

Apparently, when the guy held the door open, my husband said, "you have a good one." To which the man replied, "thanks for noticing!" :hysterical: :D

[JackieB]

And I have GOT to be there when JackieB and HF go out to party! :popcorn:

Hmmmm. I'd have to try not to disappoint you by being boring. :)

That's a funny story about your husband and the guy who held the door. I would not know what to make of a comment like that!

[carla]

LOL! They both got a laugh out of it. When dh came back out, the guy was driving off and they both waved and were snickering. You could just tell the man was a big joker, lol.

[AUEquine]

And I have GOT to be there when JackieB and HF go out to party!

Ditto to that, this could be the Forum Party to end all Forum Parties!!!


As far as the whole door thing goes, that's one of the main things my non-southern students/friends, used to comment on about coming to Auburn. They were just amazed that a guy will stand there and hold the door for you, a perfect stranger, even if your like 15 feet away from it. They always told me they felt uncomfortable and didn't know what to say. I told them at the least to nod and smile in an appreciative manner, and if you happen to make eye contact and feel words need to be said a simple "thanks" works great!
Now of course there are always people who make us question if they have ever interacted in a social situation in their lives. The guy who lets the door slam in your face, and almost smashes your fingers... even when they see you have an arm load of stuff you're carrying. Or in your case the person who feels you've done nothing worthy of her thanks. True you just held a door, and didn't give her a kidney. But I find these comon courtisies are disapearing more and more, even here in the south. And I try to reward even the smallest acts of kindness with praise, to help encourage them on. I'm a firm believer in what's often refered to as the "chain of kindness" or the Chain of Love (song by clay walker I believe).

:)here's a smile for you, since the woman didnt' give you one!!!


and this ones for her....:nono:!!!